A couple who are among our dearest friends in the world served with us for some time in Austria. God gave us kindred spirits with Jim and Kathy Boerckel. We laughed together, cried together, worked together, prayed together, served together, exercised together, had babies together, etc. (you get the idea). In addition to being a talented artist and speaking fluent Farsi, Jim has a real knack for writing (and cartooning) as well. He did a cartoon series about me called "The Adventures of an Imperfect Missionary", which I wish I could post here because it is very funny.
He is the only person under 60 years of age I know that still writes hand-written letters (one-sided pages).
I treasure Jim's letters and occasional emails. He is the only person for whom I have a file in which I keep all his letters.
He sent me one in November after learning of my intended fast. In it, he said some kind things and some funny things, but the purpose of the letter really touched my heart. He said he wanted to support me and encourage me during the fast by praying for me AND by writing me 40 letters, one for each day of the fast. What a friend! What an encouragement! I am documenting the letters below (some slightly edited) so that I will have a more permanent and inclusive record of the this period of time and so that others may have the blessing of getting to know Jim a bit.
I haven't told him that I am doing this (and will not tell him until after the fast). He may find the blog (if his kids find it and help him)but I hope not.
NOVEMBER 2004 letter...
Okay, so I'm taking a walk with my wife a few days ago--and I'm whining and complaining as usual--managing to be both arrogant and unconfident at the same time. (And you thought the effect you had on me wouldn't be long-term). Anyway, I was telling her that I missed having someone to regularly be a thorn in my side...(I had ONE particular person in mind at the time).
Lo and behold, the next day, as Kathy is looking through a number of (impersonal, non-specific, not-really-to-me-in-particular) e-mails, she comes across one from that same unconventional source.
Just when I thought creativity is dead, he shoots off--for the Christian world to SEE and PONDER, mind you--a letter describing his personal SEXUAL plans for the near future!!!
That was exactly what I needed to hear. Any letter I'd ever sent out prior to that, which I was concerned may be inappropriate, was instantly deemed "not THAT bad".
But let's get back to the broader point of this email. It also included some aside about not eating or...that's right...talking!?! Okay, let's see--"Hi! I'm a missionary...that doesn't TALK!"
"What must I do to be saved?" Ali asked, as he lay dying on his hospital bed with his unsaved seeking family around him. The missionary, whom he'd requested by name, simply stood silently next to Ali's tear-filled children, shaking his head. After Ali's funeral the following day, the missionary thought to himself, "He almost TRICKED me into it, but I stood firm in my conviction!"
...Hey, I think what you're planning is great. Is there a way that I can sign on as sacrificing VICARIOUSLY through you on this--as I've done through most of your OTHER spiritual exploits?
Listen, I'm gonna assume that you, BEING Scott McCracken, haven't talked to anyone about the idea of actually LIVING through a 40 day fast.
DAY 39: "Wow, Vicki! You brought him here to the emergency room JUST IN TIME! Thankfully, this is a very treatable condition--ONCE the patient VERBALIZES to me exactly where the pain is...otherwise he's dead!"
Crazy is one thing. It's even good. The Church and our world NEEDS someone who's spiritually crazy, but just watch that LINE...that fine line which separates great and deep humility from pompous arrogant pride. I'm gonna say that line gets crossed PRIOR to the emergency room.
But be it 40 days...30 days...2 weeks...a day...or part of one meal, I'm WITH you in this. Not in the actual self-sacrifice of course, but in my spirit. I don't really know how to join without actually doing SOMETHING, but I've come up with a thought:
As long as you're fasting, I'm writing and praying with and for you...and your family. Whether or not your fast is able to go 40 days, I'm writing you a letter every day for 40 days.
Sure, some of the letters might just contain blank sheets of paper, but I'll be sending something--by real mail-- every day, starting around Dec. 27th--hoping it'll arrive around the first day of your fast...
...God bless you, Scott!
Your brother, Jim
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DAY 1 LETTER
12-29-04
...And so it begins...YOU fasting, and me, clinging to YOUR fast as if it were my own...parasitically draining off vast portions of your spiritual benefit without having missed a single meal. (I'm not sure how all this actually plays out in practice, but then again fasting itself is a rather mysterious discipline.
I'm trying to imagine how you're coping physically and mentally right now. The picture that comes to mind is of the first missed meal on the first day creating for you previously unimagined agony: "OK, that's IT! I QUIT! (But, if anyone else calls, tell them I'm not speaking and I'm too weak to come to the phone anyway!)"
By-the-way, have you noticed the date on this letter? Just because I'm writing it 2 days later than I said doesn't mean YOU can slack off. We're in between 2 family holiday celebrations and my access to pen, paper, stamps, motivation, desire, and will to live, etc. has been extremely limited. But my 40 day writing plan will NOT be hindered. My last edition will be sent out on Feb. 6th. Hopefully, you'll still be conscious and breathing.
I don't know what the hardest part of a fast is, but in my experience of having fasted for not more than 3 days at a time, I would say actual physical functioning would be a serious challenge in less than a week. There have been a few times when I've felt pretty weak just missing a DAY.
I suppose there is an aspect to it whcih profoundly reminds you, on a PHYSICAL level, how needy and dependent you are on God's grace on a SPIRITUAL level...
...How fitting that you would choose this path after the time that is set aside to celebrate the incarnation of our Savior--complete with the discomfort and CHOSEN weakness that HE took on. God bless you, brother! Jim
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DAY 2
12-30-04
It occurs to me that I should probably label my SERIOUS thoughts in order to separate them from tongue-in-cheek ones, but that would make your life too easy, and in your, by now, groggy state, it's important that someone keep pushing you mentally...or at least take advantage of this unique opportunity to play with your mind.
It will soon become apparent that these letters will contain little or no substance worth contemplating, so my feeling is, why not put an end to the facade early on? Whether it's cartoon books, emails or letters, all my communications are ultimately about...um, let's see...ME!!
I like this time of year...and it's not just the over-abundance of candy and all things sugar-coated. I like the spirit of celebration--the receiving of presents--the special music--and yes, even the really "lousy" weather (which I consider to be beautiful--especially at its worst: wonderful to look at from inside a heated home, and great for keeping you awake and "prayed up" as you're driving in it).
But one of the natural inclinations I seem to lean toward as the year comes to a close is that of "taking inventory". What should I regret? What should I hate myself for? What are 3 good reasons why I SHOULDN'T be suicidal? Challenging stuff like that, you know. (Did I mention that I'm still dealing with "esteem stuff")?
Seriously, I've been working through a series of "vision papers" as it relates to ministry. I'm not trying to put MY purpose onto YOUR fast (although I don't have a MORAL issue with that),but I'm guessing this fast you've undertaken at least PARTIALLY is to hear from God in this way--to get a "Rhema", if you will. (See, I WAS listening during your 3 hours treatise during the Timothy Project of '89).
Well, I'm praying that FOR you today, brother. ("Brother" usually indicates a SERIOUS part). Two things I've noticed in working through these vision papers is:
1) It's REAL easy to get bogged down in detail, regardless of how simple you want to keep it, and
2) It's really important to hear from GOD...not just make plans that SEEM right.
Keep listening. He speaks!
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DAY 3 LETTER
12-31-04
You may have noticed that I'm numbering the envelopes in case you get some on the same day. that's likely to happen too since I keep managing to forget to mail them!
We had a Christmas celebration in Indiana with Kathy's side of the family today. I don't know what you do when you're stateside for Christmas--or perhaps this is why you've conveniently opted to live OVERSEAS your entire married lives--but you learn much about human nature in this adventure.
Take, for example, the gift-giving issue. here we have assembled, in any given family, heads of households pulling down six figure incomes (or slightly less)--people with very specific tastes--feeling quite emotional about the need to maintain that tradition of SWAPPING $15 GIFTS WITH EACH OTHER!!!!
So, if you're, let's say, a family of 6, that means you're shelling out (let's see now, carry the 3)--$90. This $90 loss rewards you with, on the ONE side, a bunch of stuff you'll throw away before you get home--and on the other, Aunt Helen and HER ilk grousing about you having bought the wrong size, wrong color and wrong gift wrap for her blouse. But then again, at $15 a pop, how good a blouse could it have been if everything went PERFECTLY?!!
So I always push for the ELEPHANT gift exchange. For those who UNDERSTAND the concept, I'm always met with icy stares and under-the-breath comments which I can only make out the words"...cheap...stingy..backwoods...Scrooge-isque..."
For those who DON'T understand, it really doesn't matter how detailed an explanation you give, these otherwise productive members of society and highly esteemed professionals respond with blank stares and and: "Wha-a-a-a-t?!" (as if you've just tried to diagram Newton's iconographic theory of physics![how's THAT for a made-up phrase?])--then on the big day, they've proceeded to buy super-expensive gifts and received half-used bars of soap in exchange.
Livid. That's all I'm gonna say. Livid!!
So, Scott, as you lie there in your position of hunger and physical withdrawl, just remember--there are CERTAIN types of pain you DON'T have to deal with today! Your bro, Jim.
P.S. (Just in case any relatives get their hands on this before I mail it, I should say...any crossover between what I've written here, and reality in OUR family Christmas gathering is totally coincidental...OK, partially...OK, it's ALL true!)
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DAY 4 LETTER
1-1-05
...but let's DISCUSS this issue of New Years and resolutions--let's THINK about promises and oaths and goals and dreams and visions and new paths that we want to cut out for ourselves:
Have you ever noticed that when you ask Average Joe if he has any goals for the New year, he doesn't simply say, "You know, I just haven't THOUGHT about that. I don't really HAVE any such goals." Rather, he gets all emotional and ticked off as if you've just whacked him across the face. There is righteous indignation in his heart as he snaps back, "Listen! That's all a bunch a nonsense! How DARE you challenge my perfect life of mediocrity!"
Some of us, on-the-other-hand--who should KNOW better by now--are unwilling to add, subtract or exchange just a FEW lifestyle changes--it ALL has to go. We're going to re-invent the whole thing, and this transformation may or may not have any basis at all on who we ARE--past experience--what God MIGHT be saying--or what might possibly fit reality. Our motto is: "If it's change, it must be good"--and the bigger the change the better.
What I HAVE managed to evolve into, however, is someone who uses different TERMS now. The key is to always leave yourself an out. Instead of, "May God deal with me, be it ever so severely if I don't..." or "I resolve and promise an oath that from now on and from this day forward I shall..." to the new and improved, "Hey, what would happen if...?" or "Something I wouldn't mind TRYING for a while...just to see what happens...but there's no pressure or expectation here AT ALL, is..."
This year, though, I seem to be running behind schedule. Maybe it's the "vision paper" thing that's replaced the "visions of grandeur" goal setting, but I do like to claim a theme or a verse for each new year. Here's the one that I really feel like the Lord has put on my heart for 2005. (But I can't just TELL you, I need to do my usual PREFACE remarks: it might sound selfish at first, but I believe it could unlock wisdom and Spirit-filled vision on a daily basis, beyond what may be written down in January and collecting dust in February). PSALM 37:4--Delight yourself IN THE LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." What's it mean to really DELIGHT myself in the Lord? By God's grace, I intend to get some answers and live them out. Sounds like a wonderful invitation. Jim
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DAY 5 LETTER
1-2-05
Twelve years ago today, I was standing in my living room in Austria at 5:30 in the morning listening to my neighbor interacting with the bread delivery man. (At 7:30 in the morning is the bread going to be hard and moldy?! Do you have to babble on in some incomprehensible language EVERY morning outside my house while it's still dark?)--I digress.
Aaron was born "normally"--in a hospital within 5 miles of our apartment (though he was 6 weeks early). Micah was born in Oberpullendorf after we'd driven hours 2 hours over a mountain range in a van without shocks. He was delivered by a doctor who was shortly thereafter found to be a mortal danger in the delivery room.
Seeing that we'd been living by faith (without realizing it) anyway, we proceeded to have the next 3 in the living rooms of whatever house/apartment we were renting at the time.
Weston was born on January 2, 1993--69 years to the day after Kathy's dad. Shortly after the delivery truck left, Weston came into the world. I shudder to think of how the staid, older Austrian couple (with whom we literally shared a living room wall) were dealing with the, shall we say REALLY LOUD, UNBROKEN SCREAMING, PUNCTUATED WITH PERIODIC CRIES OF ANGUISH?!
All I can say is , it's good to be young...when you're young--(the little you are aware of, you just don't care about).
So we had a dual birthday celebration today. Kathy's dad (at 81)always thought he would die at a young age. I'm gonna suggest it's safe to say that's ONE fear he can put behind him forever. :)
But let's consider birthdays, and aging, and all that kind of stuff. As much as the times and culture have changed between the day Weston was born and his grandpa, there really isn't a whole lot of space between those 2 lives. Just a few years ago, I honestly didn't think this, but life is really really short--and death is THE most natural reality that exists. And then we really do stand before our Creator and give an account of how we'd numbered our days--of how we'd applied our hearts unto wisdom--or not.
Adn we proclaim Him--to Him--to our families--among the nations--because it's all real. I believe, Scott, you've always invested well. You won't regret that choice.
Jim
DAY 6 LETTER
1-3-05
January 3rd. Cindy Meier was born that day. Lynn Oesterle was born the day after. Diane Bronson's phone number was 676-2878. My high school locker combinations were:
8-26-13; 14-28-12; 23-7-5; 32-12-20
The first three names I've mentioned here were from my GRADE school. So, why is it that I can remember all that, but I CAN'T remember Chuck McIntire's name the third time I'm introduced to him at church? Why, after 10 years of havnig claimed a FAVORITE verse, can I never remember whether it's in I Corinthians or II Corinthians? Why, in the middle of a Gospel presentation in Farsi, can I not remember the word for GRACE, but I can tell you 3 ways to say EGGPLANT?
Do YOU ever notice that your gifts seem out of balance or the applications thereof go less smoothly than you would THINK they would? What is it about being human? It's kind of like God's way of communicating: "Hey you! That's right--you! You're NEEDY. No, I mean you're REALLY REALLY needy. And you need ME."
We don't have to be SMART to recognize this. We just have to live a "normal" existence and acknowledge it. Having done so, it's a matter of asking, "OK, NOW what?"
A really good friend from high school called me today. We hadn't spoken in over a year. He called to tell me that he's regularly overwhelmed with the feeling that he can;t seem to live a consistently victorious Christian life. He grew up in a VERY non-Christian family. His dad (deceased) was a local leader of organized crime. My friend received Christ just a few years ago (around age 40). I'm the only Christian he knows that he's willing to share deeply with. He sees me as someone who's always "had it all together".
I agreed, of course, and told him that for most TRUE Christians, spiritual victory is almost always a smooth, unfettered waltz in the park...or NOT!
And why not? My struggle, and the conviction of the Holy Spirit is God's way of reminding me--ESPECIALLY as full-time communicator of God's grace and truth--that I'm not equal to the task. It's humbling. No--it's emabarassing.
But He says, "Get back on." And again the NEXT day--no, the NEXT hour--no, the NEXT minute. And He shows us what REAL grace...is all about. JIM
P.S. I just made up those locker combinations--and Cindy and Lynn's B-days were 5/12 and 5/17 respectively--but what good does that do me here on January 3rd?
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DAY 7 LETTER
1-4-05
You've heard of the 3rd law of "Thermo-I.T.-nics", right? It states, and I am guessing now: "Every action that Scott McCracken takes will create an opposite yet equal REACTION in the Boerckel household."
Yes, that's right. Kathy and I, during these 40 days, are planning to stuff our faces TWICE as much as usual. We are planning to talk non-stop--blathering on and on mindlessly about the most inane issues we can imagine. And yes, we will get LOTS of "physical exercise". --smile-- We, like the wise Solomon, will deny ourselves nothing that our heart desires. (I've always wanted to test that theory of it all ending in futility).
Actually, this fast of yours IS having a trickle-down affect. We're on, as a family, what I would describe as a "Judges Fast": "Everyone fasting in a way that seems right in his own eyes."
You scoff, of course, at the meager efforts we'll be making, but remember: "Scott McCracken wasn't born in a day!" (...oh, I guess he was, but YOU get my point).
Since I can never seem to get all of our family members in the same room at one time, I don't remember details, but I believe the boys are fasting TV (except for weekends)--and for TV addicts, that's a nice start. I think they and Kathy are dropping sweets/candy from their lives. I'm fasting all food each Thursday (gotta keep my strength up for these letters, you know).
So there it is--a start--a small start--but one they chose on their own to do, as a result of your larger-than-life example.
I guess that's what leaders do--they lead. They lead by example. They inspire, motivate and influence out of who they are--what they do--and the ATTITUDE with which they do it.
Ever since I'VE been told to lead, follow, or get the blazes out of the way, you'll notice that you had one less obstacle than usual, right?
Hey, keep leading.
I was meditating on II Samuel 3:36 this evening. David led. The people "TOOK NOTE"...They always take note. "The people" are always watching. It can be really irritating sometimes, but it creates constant opportunities to influence. And that's a big part of why we're here.
Jim
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DAY 8 LETTER
1-5-05
...but what's all this commotion about friendship? Friendships are like desserts: there are only a FEW of them that are so significant that they redefine life as you know it.
That doesn't mean I'm not kind, or that I don't try to influence/be infludenced by many. It doesn't mean I can't take part in mulitple social activities--doesn't mean I can't challenge/be challenged.
Proverbs 27:10c---"Better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away."
In the end, I don't think we were DESIGNED to have more than a few "heart connections" in this life. Those are GIFTS. These few, what I call "friendships" usually happen in the context of: 1) families, 2) People who are present with you in the midst of a significant struggle, or crisis, and they rise to the occasion (or you rise to theirs), 3) People who are a lot LIKE you, 4) People who are a lot DIFFERENT than you (e.g., If one person is sane and spiritual and Stateside, and the other is a head-shaven, bearded wild man in some unnamed Meditteranean country). It's harder to discover these significant types of relationships as you grow older. You don't have as much time. You don't seek it as much. Hey, a gift of THIS measure requires some INVESTMENT.
It occurs to me that it happens or not. You can't really push it or force it, but you should always be LOOKING for it.
I've been leading a small group of about 15 men in fellowship at our church for a little over a year now. We meet for bagels, coffee, and Bible study each Tuesday from 5:45 AM to 6:45 AM. These are WONDERFUL times.
Though I don't currently see any of them as "soul mates", I really like each one, and as a group, we're definitely "spurred on" in our faith. Each week our trust and care for one another grows. It's building slowly and naturally and God is blessing.
I look at pictures of old friends, and those with whom my path has crossed. I often have an innate emotional response: "Boy, I wish I'd spent MORE time with them."
Because they're far away and "historical" now, their stock has gone up. Then I realize, these people in FRONT of me are the "old photos" of tomorrow. Hey, it's worth putting forth a little more emotional investment in relationship with with those with whom God has connected me. It is perhpas my BEST use of time.
But let's get back to this issue of "Dear _______," and other traditional greetings in letters. Waste of time! How distracting would it be if, in a face to face conversation, I started each thought with, "Dear Scott..."? "Dear Scott, Can you pass the salt?", "Dear Scott, yes, you can borrow my pen."
Yet, until today, I've still been caught up in this very IRRITATING tradition of closing with a signature or a final concluding phrase PLUS a signature. What's that?!
Try this in a conversation: "Dear Scott, the bank closes at 5 PM today. Sincerely, Jim."--or--"Dear Scott, warm greetings from the person sitting across the table from you. Are you going to finish those french fries? Deepest regards, Jim."
And while we're at it, what's with the punctuation and capital letters and using fall sentences?! If man was meant to be put in a box like this, he would've
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DAY 9 LETTER
1-6-05
...but let's be honest here, shall we? Friendship requires a fair amount of regular decision-making. You can't just EXIST any more. It's required that you now CO-EXIST. You have to decide what true Biblical friendship looks like. At least that's how I understand it, based on my conversations with acquaintances who actually HAVE a few friends.
Try THIS on. Your wife is, theoretically your best friend, right? OK, let's say Vicki has climbed to the top of a very steep Athenian hill. You're at the bottom of what is actually a 400 foot cliff on the other side. She wants to impress you and and greet you as her toes hang over the edge.
Now it's decision time. (And perhaps this is WHY I remain friendless). You have a CHOICE between 2 options, and you are guaranteed to LOSE on either: On the ONE hand, you can say, "That's really good, Vicki! You're amazing and courageous. I have even MORE respect for you now than I had 2 minutes ago. EXCELLENT job!"
You thus place your best friend in harm's way--perhaps even causing her confidence to soar and step FURTHER over the edge. If she SURVIVES, she'll love you even MORE, because you "believed" in her. But then again, there IS that issue of your high blood pressure, and the fact that your gutlessness may have actually caused her to...let's see...fall and die!!
On the other hand, you COULD say, "Vicki, move back! I've always loved your adventurous spirit and your faith in God to protect you from virtually any situation you might put yourself into. But Vicki...back the blazes away from the edge of the blazing cliff!!" (And I've always admired the way you replace more crass words with various forms of the word "blazes").
Vicki, of course, would proceed to indignantly give you a piece of her mind that she could probably afford to lose, but none of the rest of us could--using more adjectives as "faithless", "gutless", "worry-ish", etc.
In the less than 50% chance she HAD fallen, you wouldn't REALLY have anyone to say, "I told you so!" to.
And THAT'S the double-edged sword.
This was a PARABLE. Do you have any idea of its possible interpretation?...Vicki?
Sincerely,
your-very-concerned-about-you-living-through-40-foodless-days-friend,
Jim
Proverbs 27:6
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DAY 10 LETTER
1-7-05
OK, so I didn't sign up to write you during this time for the SOLE purpose of HARRASSING you--although I was HOPING that would be a side benefit. It's just that I fasted yesterday--ONE day!--and I got light-headed and ...(I'm sure you'll want to know about this)...some unusual bowel activity.
Then I got to thinking. I've been writing for about 10 days. That's a LONG time, but it's not even 1/4 of the time you'll be doing this.
When I first heard about the 40 days I thought, "Hey, cool!" But I hadn't really thought it through. Barring a miracle, we're talking CERTAIN death here.
My greatest concern, of course, is how your death by fasting might affect...let's see...ME!! Who in the blazes ELSE do I have to write to?
So I'm gonna say this ONCE...again...unless I change my mind and say it MULTIPLE times more:
STOP! Great job! You're an inspiration to myself and many others. Now get your toes back off the edge of the cliff and get back to loving your family and pouring out the fragrance of Christ which God has poured into you!
What about those who sneer and snicker and say, "I KNEW he couldn't do it!"
LOSERS! If you'd been doing this to impress men, you wouldn't have wanted THEIR vote of confidence anyway.
Here's a note to Vicki, in case you're not accepting this wise counsel: (In Scott's state of delirium, turn the lights on and shout, "Day!". Turn them off and shout, "Night!" do this until the 40 "days" are over and then declare, "Wow, honey--40 whole days. Great job! Now let's go out for gyros and baklava!").
But on to more mundane things: my e-mail ability is virtually non-existent again. I don't really consider e-mail a high-tech activity at this point, but what is it about me and all things electronic/battery powered/etc.?
Juno declared in December we'll have to sign up for their online service or lose e-mail capability. We did so, but lost capability anyway. I'm shopping for a new service.
In the mean time I got a multi-functional camera which does amazing things theoretically , but now it literally can't take a single photo. On the bright side, I'm enjoying doing art again. It's the only way I can reproduce an image! Hey--I appreciate you.
Jim
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DAY 11 LETTER
1-8-05
Knowing that you grabbed a multi-layered sandwich as soon as you got my last letter, I'm relieved to know you'll live, but I'm going to continue writing for the rest of the 40 days anyway...AND pretend you're still fasting.
Speaking of which, I definitely WASN'T fasting this morning. We had a breakfast for my men's fellowship at our house. We had a platter full of french toast and another of potato cakes left over. I was proud of Aaron and Micah who pretty much were in charge of cooking everything.
Besides the food fest, there was a beautiful spirit present. We had a little sharing and prayer time at the end. One guy was talking about how he decided several months ago that he was tired of spiritual "coasting". He felt, among other things, he'd been watching too much TV, and he wanted to make a clean break from it.
So guess what he did shortly thereafter? He got a SATELLITE dish and bought an extra LARGE SCREEN TV and put it in his bedroom.
His previous poor habits gave way to much more destructive ones.
A few weeks ago he took it all out--got tired of what it was doing to him spiritually and the control it had on him. The way he described it was pretty poetic: (he'd installed an $80 TV BRACKET) He said, "I TORE it all OUT!" As he was sharing about desiring intimacy with God again, he began to weep.
It struck me that this visual he presented of "tearing it out" was a pretty apt description of what needs to happen spiritually in our lives when we've set up unhealthy habits--when the junk has piled up--and it keeps us from hearing and seeing.
The "tearing" is usually a painful process. It's unnatural for someone to tear themselves...on purpose.
I believe this is one aspect of the various fasts one might give themselves to: tearing--pain--the removal of those things that bring our flesh such comfort.
Hey, how can healing...or intimacy begin, if there is no wound?
Scott, I appreciate your ongoing willingness to tear...and be healed...that Christ would increase in and through your life.
Jim
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DAY 12 LETTER
1-9-05
It occurs to me that writing is the ultimate form of communication. For one thing, if someone offends you, you don't have to sit around thinking, "Shoot! I SHOULD'VE said..." or "Doggone! I COULD'VE come back with..."
So there are no regrets. You simply think for hours about the ultimate put-down, use it, and move on.
Moreover, in writing, you never have to stop your train of thought to be interrupted by someone else's excuse for an idea. you never have to pretend to be interested when they're talking and do silly things like nod your head and say stuff like, "MMM-hmm. Mm-hmm" Or Hmm...that's interesting."
If you ask in a letter how they're doing--and they take it to mean that you really want to know--and begin to go into detail about their gall bladder operation and the really mean nurse that never DID bring them post-op pain reliever, you never have to know.
My style of READING letters is to "Slash-Shake-and Slam"--Slash that thing open. Shake it to see if any checks or currency fall out--then slam any redundant written stuff into the "circular file" under "L" (for "Like I care").
Of course, no one ELSE has the insight to deal this way with correspondence--especially MY insightful and valuable epistles...right, Scott?...Scott? Stop shaking this thing. You should know me better than that by now.
But speaking of enclosures, and the sending of valuable stuff by mail, you need to know that I MEAN well regarding the taping of TV shows. Several things get in the way: 1) General laziness 2) An aversion to watching any of those sit-com type shows that lack any eternal value 3) Never having learned how to program a VCR 4) having that difficult combination of a TV/VCR/videotape and the right show in the same room all at once.
I've even told my kids I'd give them 25 cents for each show they tape you. No takers yet, but we keep praying. Hey, can you watch DVD's? If so, they now sell entire seasons of various sitcoms and I could definitely get some to you. They seem to be phasing tapes out. Listen, "Raymond" is good--I especially like the Dad, Robert, and Deborah, but have you heard of King of Queens? (like Raymond, but a bit more twisted and at times hilarious). But wait--Scott? Twisted? Never! Mainly, I just want something to shake out of a letter for YOU some day.--smile__
Jim
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DAY 13 LETTER
1-10-05
...so I'm sitting there in Sunday School class yesterday, anticipating good discussion about the new topic: Science and the Bible--Do They Conflict?
It was indeed a lively discussion. I hadn't anticipated some of the types of responses from some of the people who were present.
For example, some of these people are the types who would be willing to fight to the death over issues such as carpet color, pierced ears, "secular musical instruments" in church (e.g., guitars)--and even theological issues like pre- vs. post-millenialism, Calvinism vs. Arminianism, etc.
So when, in passing, some of these diehards flippantly suggest that God might reveal Himself to different people (e.g., Muslims, Hindus, etc.)in different ways (e.g., through their own religions)--(and we'd obviously drifted off topic a bit)--I'm a bit taken aback.
It occurs to me that, while a BIBLICAL framework for faith is foundational, there's something important revealed in the pursuit of Truth in other realms (e.g., creation).
Without going into detail--(Paul in Romans, not me), I think Romans 1 tells us a lot about how spiritual discernment is gained or lost.
It sounds to me that, in the process of something GOOD--our world getting "smaller" in the sense that we are more cross-culturally aware--and in our desire to be open, less "arrogant" and willing to reach out to people much different than ourselves--we are tempted to buy into the prevailing worldly philosophy of relativism.
SOUNDS great. Sounds empathetic and compassionate and tolerant. The only problem is, it neither rings true, nor does this mindset produce an ultimately helpful result (kind of like the "wounds of a friend" concept).
These are natural expectations of a church in which the power of God has been replaced with a "kinder, gentler" version of the world's "form" of religion.
Think about those you know, Scott, who've been transferred from the kingdom of darkness, regardless of the atheistic or religious identity they embraced, into the Kingdom of Christ. Would any of THEM be willing to exchange their spiritual freedom for the old way (in which God supposedly revealed Himself through their old religion/way of life)?
Finally, I was also surprised at how completely some had reduced their approach to faith as "feeling only"--as if they were fearful that it cannot stand up to the test of logic/rational thought. Believers should be the MOST creative/exploring/thinking/researching/analytical people on the earth. It's TRUTH after all, not FEELINGS, that set us free.
Jim
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DAY 14 Letter
1-11-05
Yes, that’s a coffee stain on the side of this very nice stationery. But when I spill coffee, I don’t mess around. It took place in that Sunday School class I’d mentioned earlier.
It was one of those deals where you’re sitting there balancing a Bible, notebook, and pen on one knee. On the other is an assortment of handouts being passed around and a Styrofoam cup of coffee.
Here’s how it went down: I’m preparing to pass along one of multiple sign-up sheets going around, when all at once I feel the terror of Styrofoam slipping from my fingers.
If I’d have just let it fall, a minimal amount of damage would’ve been done, but in attempting to grab it as it fell I overcompensated—(underestimating the cat-quickness of my hands). Before it hits the ground, I literally touch it 3 separate times with my fingertips. On the third time I’m really desperate to take hold of the delinquent brew. Unfortunately, it’s rather difficult to do with the BACK of your hand! In my panic, I literally BAT the thing around the room.
We’re talking about coffee everywhere. Four ounces can evidently go a LONG way when violently thrust.
We’re dealing with coffee all across the carpet, halfway up the wall, blending in the dress of the woman in front of me, and yes, most disconcerting of all, on my prize notebook.
Had there not been a roomful of people, you KNOW I would’ve simply walked out in search of a new class, but had to keep up this image of servanthood, scrubbing away with a half-eaten dish rag. Didn’t do a lick of good, but the appearance of effort was worth something.
So, yes, there is coffee on this paper. Do you want to know how the blue lines got here?
Speaking of coffee…I have a lot of GREAT memories from Austria—none better than the times we did the “chain gang” outreach—complete with Wakelam’s classic line: “Komm zu Kaffee Bar, ja?”
Hey, on either side of the coffee pitchers, did you notice that the coffee didn’t really represent a warm drink to anyone nearly as much as it represented the honor and joy of a Living Savior still walking among us? May He be with YOU in power today.
Jim
DAY 15 Letter
1-12-05
So my son Weston is taking care of the neighbor’s dog while they’re on vacation. The dog is of unknown age, but appears to be about 170 years old. This, of course, lends itself to some very wonderful humor opportunities.
This morning, Aaron turned to me and remarked, “Ahh—I see your humor has taken a turn toward the DARK side!”
I didn’t explain this to him, but the bottom line is that there is ONE person responsible for this—YOU! That’s right! You’ve always brought out this small section of the MASSIVE humor region in my brain reserved for the “biting/sarcastic” style of laughter-inducing remarks.
Prior to having MET you, I didn’t even UNDERSTAND those types of verbalizations, much less appreciate or USE them! So this digression is to be set seriously at your doorstep. I hope you’re satisfied. As you can see, this is likely to be passed on to future generations.
Without wanting to sound like a bad Christmas newsletter, I feel the need to talk about my kids—seeing as they seem to be following my lead in the area of “gifted, near-perfection”:…and I’m ONLY going to tell you about their WORST qualities:
God is actually really working in Aaron and Micah’s lives, and it’s exciting to see. They’re both really involved in their church youth group and leading a daily prayer time in a small group at their school. Aaron plays piano, Micah the guitar. They’ll be leading music at the church HS/Jr.High Retreat next week. They both go to the Tuesday AM Men’s fellowship at 5:45 AM and love it. I’m excited for them as their small group consists of a few high schoolers, some young marrieds, middle-agers, and a couple of OLD cats. I would go on, but the rest would just be GOOD stuff and you’d think I was bragging.
Weston (12) is pure entrepreneur and mechanical/research/problem-solving/high tech dude—in short, everything I’m not. He and Samuel (9) are in a basketball league and doing well. I’m always giving them constructive criticism like: “Don’t MISS it—MAKE it!” or “If you don’t have the skills, use your elbows!” or “You did such a bad job on that play, it was downright…downright…McCracken!”
Anyway, Samuel and Micah are pure social people. They have to be around people all the time. I’ve tried to tell them that people are bad—they only drain you. No ears to hear.
Hey, I’m glad I’ll be writing for 40 days because by the 40th day, I’ll probably get around to mentioning or asking something about YOUR life and family. For now, I’ll just stick to the STANDARD topic. –Jim
DAY 16 Letter
1-13-05
It’s the little things, ultimately, that determine whether or not you’re going to have a good day. Sure there are those days when the dog dies and the car breaks down on the freeway. There are days when you inherit $10,000 from a distant Christian relative—(distant = no deep sadness; Christian = no guilt at not being sad)—but I’m not talking about these days. We’re dealing with “run of the mill” stuff here.
Let’s take TODAY, for example: At a local meeting of refugee ministers I had a great lamb and beef sandwich (+1), but it had way too much onion (even) and a billion calories at a time when I’m trying to cut down (-1).
During the meeting, I made a very profound, thought-provoking point (even) and had an excellent and well-timed humorous statement (+1). I expected to have a few significant conversations afterwards, but most of the people I wanted to talk with left quickly (even), and they guy who DID stay around seemed somewhat distracted and not giving me 110% of his attention (-1)—(thus, my love of letter-writing—though they get crumpled up rather than opened, I can at least IMAGINE a great reception).
Later in the day, I drop by a Salvation Army store, get the best 99 cents T-shirt you’ve ever seen (even), but have to rush around all evening doing various errands (-1).
Hang with family, have a quiet time, collect my bearings (even). Oh yes, then I remember, I GET to write to Scott McCracken again!! (+1000!!)
You see, Scott…it’s the LITTLE things.
OK, so I’m teasing a bit about this “little things” caricature, but I believe there are a number of ways which we, in the Christian world, could take to heart the idea that we can have significant impact on others even when the opportunity isn’t yet there for sharing the full Gospel.
I’ve been looking for a couple days at Proverbs 15. Let me lay a few of these “little things” verses on you:
vs 12—“A gentle answer turns away wrath.”
vs. 42—“The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life.”
vs. 18b—“A patient man qualms a quarrel.”
vs. 23—“A man finds joy in an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!”
vs. 28a—“The heart of the righteous weighs its answers.”
vs. 30a—“A cheerful look brings joy to the heart.”
As I consider these “wise speech” concepts, I realize you’re currently practicing silence, but I can’t help but think your tongue is in training, and it will return with much greater power—employing the “little things” to make a large eternal impact.
Jim
DAY 17 Letter
1-14-05
Since I don’t have access to e-mail anymore—even my OLD letters, I’m not able to re-check details, but I think you said your fast was to start on Jan. 4th. That being the case, today marks the 10th day. Of course, you won’t get this letter until sometime between the 17th and the 24th day or so. In the next few days, I’ll just plan to start copying off old letters, since your mind won’t be functioning enough to tell the difference anyway.
I hope you’re keeping a journal of this 40 day fast. Afterwards, when Vicki publishes it in your post-humosity, tell her I’ll be glad to add cartoons to it.
In case you didn’t have the foresight to begin your journal yet, I’m including a suggested, probable-scenario journal that you can refer to for these first 10 days:
DAY 1: I’m hungry.
DAY 2: I’m REALLY hungry.
DAY 3: I’m REALLY REALLY hungry.
DAY 4: I’m voraciously hungry and I want to YELL at someone.
DAY 5: I’m tired of writing about my hunger. Just assume it gets 10 times worse every day. But I do want to discuss this non-speaking issue. People are beginning to get upset with me because I never say “Thank you!” when they help me with stuff. I try nodding my head, but here in Greece, nodding means “No!”, so I’m stuck.
DAY 6: A table of Afghans asked about my faith today at the soup kitchen. They’d heard, “This is a man who has the words of life!”—I stared deeply at each of them, then began to blink. I got out the first of the 4 Spiritual Laws in Morse Code before they left. Must’ve been conviction.
DAY 7: Walking out my door this morning, a bus hit a puddle in front of me, soaking me with cold, muddy water. Trying to get ON the bus, I was elbowed, then laughed at and roundly ridiculed…I wanted to talk today…and use some really BAD words!
DAY 8: I could actually FEEL my spleen start to shut down today. Will it come back later? What does a spleen do anyway? Then I got a letter from that great man of God—Jim. He suggested that I END this fast…but I’m gonna plow on through! Like I’ve always said, “When you can’t see the road in front of you, close you eyes and step on the gas!”
DAY 9: Bad news—my left kidney shut down this morning. ALL my organs are shriveling. Good news—THAT reality, coupled with my inability to speak at all, much less talk dirty, has rendered the 3rd aspect of this fast automatic.
DAY 10: Hey! Only 30 more days to go—piece of cake! Oohh, bad choice of phrases. I’ll be thinking of cake all day…again.
Jim
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DAY 18 Letter
1-15-05
But what do we do for an encore, Scott? (You and me, that is). Now that we’ve wandered in parks, homeless-like. Having fasted from food, words, and sex for 40 straight days...Where do we go from here?!?
As your agent, I’ve come up with a few possibilities, since you never want to lose your cutting edge. If you don’t like any of these, I assure you these mark only the beginning fringes of an ongoing brainstorm:
· 40 days of wandering naked on the streets of Athens with saliva dripping from your beard
· 40 straight minutes of holding your breath
· 40 straight hours of standing on your tiptoes
· 40 days of walking around with a HUGE smile on your face
· 40 weeks of talking REALLY LOUD
· 40 seconds of holding your hand over a fire
· 40 days and nights without sleep
· 40 weeks of never speaking in a full sentence or finishing a complete thought
Once, of course, we run out of totally USELESS ideas, which really do NO one, including ourselves, any good, we may reduce ourselves (we-us-our [meaning, of course, YOU...and me THROUGH you]) to actual activities which BENEFIT OTHERS:
· Personally share your faith 1 on 1 with one person a day for 40 days. Of course, we (we-us-our [meaning, of course, YOU…and me THROUGH you]) already do this anyway
· Memorize a chapter of scripture each week for 40 weeks
· Learn a new language (of a certain refugee community) every year for 40 years
· Set aside 40 extra dollars a month for 40 months, then ask God how He would have you INVEST it
· Set up a 40 hour prayer marathon with the Christians in your community and pour out your hearts to God for revival and for a profound movement of His Spirit among you
· Finally, and this is only if you REALLY want to have a significant spiritual impact, because it’s such a HUGE personal sacrifice…write a letter a DAY to someone…for 40 days!! (I know WE’RE REALLY getting radical with THIS one, but theoretically it can be done).
Just think, Scott, if I didn’t have YOU in my life, I would’ve been responsible to be a faithful steward with my OWN hours, days, weeks, months, and years. Thanks for acting on theories, while most of us are content to theorize about action. (Ooh, maybe you can use that line in your book)
Jim
DAY 19 Letter
1-16-05
But you say you want to talk about disasters. Okay, let’s go. Listen, when you see, say, something like genocide, holocaust, all out war, mass casualties through plagues or terrorism—when you’re faced with natural disasters like earthquakes, hurricanes, tidal waves…where do you go? I mean, assuming you personally lived through it, or had the convenience of viewing it from geographic and emotional distance, where do you go philosophically? How do you deal with the mass tragedy in light of your faith?
Think about it—you’re reading the newspaper and you find out there was a 5 car pile-up on the freeway yesterday. A few people died. You won’t likely ask, “Where’s God?!”
A minister or child or mother of 3 is murdered. You MIGHT ask the question.
Or if I PERSONALLY have a hang nail or paper cut—I’ll DEFINITELY ask the question.
My point in all this ISN’T to consider: “The Problem of Evil” or “The Problem of Pain” or “Why Do Bad Things Happen to the Innocent?”, etc. (I’ll solve THAT issue in a future letter). Rather, my question is, “Why do WE (and I actually include MYSELF in that “we”) live, think, and fret so INCONSISTENTLY, regardless of our intellectual or philosophical point of view?”
Take the recent tidal wave in the Indian Ocean. That was (and still is) a definite “Where is God in this?!” type of issue. Over 100,000 people killed—multiple countries affected. Yet, because it was so far away—because MY life was not significantly altered in any way—because I didn’t personally know even 1 victim, I simply ASK the question in the comfort of my easy chair. I don’t SHOUT it.
I read accounts of various injustices and catastrophes throughout the Scripture, but somehow—though I supposedly embrace this God of the Scriptures and not some transformed, 20th century, Western culture version of God,--I respond to crises that happened to people in T-shirts and jeans much more emotionally than when it happened to people in robes. The questions in the updated version are real…and personal. All of a sudden, faith must take on a new dimension…or be discovered for the comfortable clutching of tradition which it HAD been all along.
Ultimately, however, faith isn’t primarily seen even in the intellectually and spiritually correct side that I end up on in my heart. It happens, even if, like Abraham, I’m a bit theologically off-base (Hebrews 11:19), when I respond PHYSICALLY—getting my hands dirty—not fearing a sweat which results from action—which sometimes comes in the very midst of an imperfect faith.
Hey, Scott…your dirty, rancid, sweaty, grimy ways ALWAYS convict…and encourage me.
Jim
DAY 20 Letter
1-17-05
But let’s consider, for a moment, the realities of this feat of human endurance that you’re (I’ll assume, for the sake of argument, STILL) undergoing.
I’m sure I have no idea, since I’ve never SEEN this kind of a fast, but if you’re still able to maintain, at this point, some level of a normal schedule, I would think that you would be experiencing a higher level of emotional experience in all areas—but especially in the area of tension. (By-the-way, are any scientists studying you during this time)?
I mean, on a normal day, with regular blood sugar levels and the ability to eat and speak at will, I experience tension from time to time. I THEN express said tension—perhaps even have a soothing conversation which gets my mind out of the stress-related activity, and move on. But I’M Jim Boerckel---with nowhere NEAR the emotional outburst capacity of a Scott McCracken!
So when do YOU go?
On the OTHER hand, you potentially have a couple of aspects of this thing working to your ADVANTAGE: the first is that you don’t have to fight over the biggest piece of cake, pie or hamburger. You are also in a disciplined mindset where you’re literally beating your body to make it your slave. Thirdly, given that the whole nature of this is spiritual, God may be giving you an extra measure of His grace—although I’m sure the enemy is working overtime to undercut you. Finally, let’s speak to this “silence issue”.
My theory is, the whole idea of “venting” is a farce—it only makes the venter (and ventee) MORE angry—and even adds extra wounds to the struggle. In silence one must use extreme discipline, although one can “say” an AWFUL lot without words.
A friend of mine in Illinois turned 50 a short time ago. When he was around 29 years old (and a newlywed) he was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). Very shortly after the diagnosis, he began to lose physical abilities, one by one. He now lies in a bed, unable to move anything on his own, except his eyes. Through technology, he can actually communicate—“writing and speaking” through his eye movement. But it’s painstakingly tedious. One sentence may take 5-10 minutes. He’s always been patient, but now there’s an entirely new level of peace about him. What would I do? Crazy anger and sadness…or submission to the One who could use it to change me? (Don’t answer that!) Keep on submitting.
Jim
DAY 21 Letter
1-18-05
Blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH, blah…She’s going ON and ON in some INCREDIBLY laborious detail about libraries and fabric and the 18th century and textures. But that’s not bad enough. She’s using this STOMACH-churning, SING-SONGY voice that just puts your teeth on edge. Worse, what’s supposed to be an informative, interactive presentation ends up being this droning poem which is literally READ for 45 minutes!!!
Now THAT was TRULY a waste of time. Kathy and I are part of this community art group that meets every few months. Among other things, they usually have a guest lecturer. Right away, you and I KNOW this is a poster child for the representation of boredom—but tonight simply pushed me over the edge. And I hear your question loud and clear: You’re asking, “What does this have to do with ME and my FAST?”
The answer is: Everything.
If you go to a bookstore, you recognize that there are only a few famous authors, but 90% of the books there are written by these same few, because their name sells. Without getting into the “ghostwriting” issue, we know all these authors have about 1 good book in them and the rest is just pumped out versions of the same idea or story.
Internet—more to read on any topic known to man than you could ever read in a lifetime—yet far less than 1% of it is WORTH reading.
These letters…Hey, hold on there!
My point? I keep going back to your fast of verbal communication and think you’re really on to something. I’d like to think the aforementioned “blah, blah” art presentation was uniquely bad, but I have this disconcerting feeling that the speaker had NO less to say than I do on any given day. I’m not saying there isn’t some value in mindless humor or well-conceived put-downs, etc. It’s just that, in dropping it ALL for a while, it seems that insights would be gained, discernment would be unleashed, making future choices in communication…a fine art indeed.—Jim
DAY 22 Letter
1-19-05
So I was once with an organization (not to be mentioned here) and had a supervisor (also not to be mentioned here…). This supervisor, who had some genuinely positive qualities, once asked me to write up the vision I’d expressed to him in detail. I did so quite happily.
This vision paper—consisting of 2 typed pages was received, copied…and returned to me with about 10 questions beside EACH POINT I’d made.
For example, say I had written, “I plan to disciple 4 Iranian men over the next 6 months with the goal of having them clearly understand the Gospel message, foundational doctrines, and a plan for sharing their faith in their communities, while developing inductive Bible study skills.”—the sheet would’ve had these questions in the margins:
--Define the verb “disciple” and give 7 examples
--Which parts of Iran will they be from and give a geographical survey of each region
--Define “Gospel message” and give 10 OLD TESTAMENT references (and cross-references) of each
--Do a word study on “foundational”, and explain 3 ways that you’ve misused the word here
--Give me an ethnic, age, and cultural breakdown of each “community” they’ll be “sharing” in
And on and on it would go.
Of course, I gladly wrote up an ADDITIONAL 10 page response, which required the original 6 months to now be 8, because of the extra typing efforts.
When THAT sheet was copied and returned with 10 questions for each point, I realized we’d come to an impasse…and our relationship began to deteriorate…but surprisingly and by God’s grace, everything worked out well.
Besides just loving to complain and whine and pass blame off on others, what’s my point?
It boils down to the concept of questions. As we can see from the above illustration, not all questions are equal or helpful or necessary. Yet some are. Hopefully, friends do that for each other.
Just as you’re learning about wise speech in your speaking fast, and we learn a lot from Proverbs 6 as well, it seems that a well-timed/well-considered question can have great value as well…even if it’s not answered (to others).
If I were interviewing you, I might ask stuff like…What spurs you on? How do you maintain spiritual fervor? In the last 10-15 years, …how have you changed?…what has been the most exciting thing you’ve seen God do? Besides Vicki, who’s your biggest encourager?…how has your relationship with GOD grown/changed?
By the way, never answer these. I have MANY follow-ups! --Jim
DAY 23 Letter
1-20-05
On the other hand, leadership doesn't take place in a vacuum.
You're probably familiar with the philosophical argument that true leaders are born, not made vs. leadership can absolutely be taught.
I suppose I feel strongly both ways. As in anything, we HAVE the innate gifts that God has given us--to the MEASURE that we possess them. From there, it's a simple matter of investment and development.
Clearly it's not a gift which can be developed in a classroom only, but there are principles of leadership which can be taught (through books, example, OR on the street).
I'm thinking about Aaron and Micah right now. They'll be leading music at their youth retreat this weekend. About 75 young people will be present--many likely unsaved or new believers. This morning I encouraged them to think like leaders (and not just musically) throughout the weekend. Just that attitude alone carries impact.
Before they go, I hope to give them a few simple challenges: e.g., meet 5 new people and find out 5 things about each; look for 2 qualities in 2 acquaintances from church, and tell them specific things you appreciate about them; challenge one Christian friend in an area of spiritual growth (together) and pray with them about it; finally, resist temptation around the campfire while sitting next to blonde and singing "Kum-bah-yah"!
I'm thinking Romans 12 and the different gifts according to varying personalities, etc.
I love to think about the Oasis days, and of 3 great leaders (with totally different leadership approaches):
John Swale--the sky is the limit. Every day he had 25 new and HUGE ideas. And he really believed they could all be done.
YOU--the most "think it through and then actually DO it" guy I know. And CLEARLY God is with you in all you do.
Gordon Skopnik--...no one matches his genuine passion. I love to sing when he's leading music.
Interestingly, for all the huge differences among you, you share a real sense of humor and love for people.
So, who knows how much it can be taught, but I'm not gonna quit trying to learn myself--or pass on to others what God keeps revealing. --Jim
DAY 24 Letter
1-21-05
Okay—time to get political. And this brings me to an important observation—we talk about a LOT of issues, but we haven’t really discussed politics much, if at all. Maybe it’s because we had Austria as a relational context, where American political people and issues aren’t in front of your face constantly in newspapers, magazines, on TV and radio.
George Bush was inaugurated for a second term yesterday. The program took place in the daytime—when I was busy caring for the oppressed—so I didn’t see it or hear his speech, but I did get in on the final part of the closing prayer.
I don’t know who was asked to pray, but it sounded like a fiery, no-nonsense black preacher. (I was listening to the radio).
The prayer was particularly interesting to me because there’s been a growing effort among “civil liberties” groups to remove the Bible, prayer, or any mention of God from public meetings—especially where the government is involved. There was a particular movement THIS year to ban prayer and even the use of a Bible at the inauguration.
With that backdrop, I wondered how the person who was to pray might respond. Bottom line: I didn’t hear him holding back at all. He closed with a line something like this,
“…and though we respect the diverse faiths of all those gathered and listening today, THIS prayer is being offered in the name of the LORD JESUS CHRIST, Amen.”
I’m sure you couldn’t have guessed this, but I’m conservative both theologically and politically. I believe that there is necessarily a connection between those two, if one is philosophically and intellectually consistent. When I see a Christian who is (or claims to be) theologically conservative but politically liberal. I know it will be just a matter of time before SOME kind of transition takes place—unless their belief system is more cultural (influenced by peers) than mental.
Having said this, and having “come out of the political closet”, I’m intrigued that the vast majority of those I’ve known who are involved in refugee service and ministry tend to be very liberal (in politics and theology). Believe me, I’ve learned in multiple conversations/arguments with I.T. people alone, that we disagree deeply on many issues…and that there is often more wisdom in remaining silent than “defending a cause” to the detriment of relationship. Besides that, I COULD be wrong on a couple of things, and if I’m too busy basking in my “right thinking”, I might not watch their lives of service…and miss a lesson.
Your Apolitical friend, Jim.
DAY 25 Letter
1-22-05
I didn’t call him back. It’s not that I didn’t INTEND to—nor was it a call I was dreading. I just didn’t get AROUND to it.
You see, he left a message, but I was out of town that whole day. The following day I was traveling again. And today, of course, I was TIRED! Plus, I figured that statute of answering machine limitations had already passed.
I’ve discovered 4 ways to deal with guilt:
1—EAT the guilt away. Anything with chocolate is particularly helpful in this regard.
2—PASS it on to someone else. For example, if I haven’t answered emails from 100 different people, I look for ONE person to write a BUNCH of letters to, hoping THEY’LL feel guilty at some point, but not guilty enough to write me BACK—since that would be self-defeating.
3—Just live in a way where you actually stay ON TOP of stuff—nipping the guilt issue in the bud. The only downside here is that I can only seem to accomplish this feat for a few days out of the year.
4—Finally, I’m going to present the ultimate “guilt quencher”. This is reserved for those actions/Inactions which are so heinous, few people on earth will ever need to come to this point. In fact, I HAVEN’T come to this point yet personally, but it’s nice to know it’s AVAILABLE in case I ever do. It’s called the “get-out-of-guilt-by-going-on-some-incredibly-radical-FAST” method. Have you ever heard of this…Scott?
Of course, ALL these could be avoided by simply recognizing that the blood of Christ has sufficiently PAID for our sin. That’s when you use the “I John 1:9” method, but of course, THAT requires a little HUMILITY, and a willingness to approach life differently.
“He has SHOWN thee, O man, what is good and what the LORD requires of thee…but TO DO justly…and TO LOVE MERCY…and TO WALK HUMBLY WTH thy GOD.”
(I don’t know if it’s covered under the “mercy” part, but I don’t see ANYTHING in there about e-mails and answering machines).
Could it be that I feel guilty too easily over the small stuff—and not convicted enough about the things that really matter? Could it be that I’ve been writing letters and eating chocolate in vain?
No more games for THIS guy! But when I see the guy I didn’t call back, at church tomorrow, I’ll be sure to let him know just how messed up my answering machine has been lately. --Jim
DAY 26 Letter
1-23-05
So HERE’S some irony for you: I got a letter today..from GREECE!! (The irony, of course being that lately, I’ve been WRITING letters…TO Grece). It was a VERY encouraging, but BAFFLING at the same time. You see, the author didn’t bother to begin with the traditional “Dear Jim,”—so, for all I know, I was reading someone ELSE’S mail. Nor did they have the respect or courtesy to SIGN it. So who knows who it was from.
At any rate, there was a newspaper article enclosed in it. The author had a rather ODD writing style. I found it quite troubling actually.
(Scott McCracken here, interrupting to explain that I had sent Jim a letter, enclosing a column by a humor columnist for the Washington Post because I found his humor very similar to Jim’s). Back to Jim’s letter…
Everything was like “me-me-me!”—“Hey, look at me!” “Guess what happened…to ME!” “Hey guys, I’M getting OLD!”
Then, throughout, he’s making these pathetic attempts at humor. “Hey, look at me—I’m FUNNY!” Yet, at the same time, I’m using big words like “decrepitude”…so I guess I’m SMART too!”
(Did I ever mention I don’t respond well to competition?) --smile—
On the bright side, the story he told about an old teacher DID bring back memories about a certain grade school teacher and…hmm…let’s see…ME!
Before you get too excited, you should realize that none of my real life stories are remotely scandalous enough to be interesting, but I READILY relate to embarrassment on any NUMBER of fronts.
At the risk of you having heard this story before—(and why WOULDN’T you have? I’ve told you BOTH of my semi-interesting experiences 2 or 3 times)—I’ll keep this brief…
Mrs. Kahrs was her name. Teaching 5th and 6th graders was her game. I happened to have landed in her class in 5th AND 6th grades.
5th grade: As most teachers do when they need a mid-afternoon nap, she assigned us the task of reading a story and writing a report about it. The way you can tell it’s “busy work” is that it’s immediately thrown away. If a student asks the next day, just say “soon!”—then they’ll forget about it.
She pulled that stunt with me in 5th grade in December, and I asked her about it EVERY DAY until the last day of school in June. Her response for the first 3 months: “Soon!” After that, she just laughed.
The name of the story…”Uncle Lemo’s Egg-beaters”. When 6th grade came along, you’d think I’d have graduated to higher forms of humor, but as long as you’re getting raucous guffaws on the lower range, why continue up the ladder? I eventually limited my 6th grade inquiries to one time per month: “When are you going to grade ‘Uncle Lemo’s Egg-beaters?’”
This weak one-liner literally NEVER failed to evoke uproarious laughter. It was our “inside joke”. We clearly held a special bond.
Years passed. Graduation from grade school, high school, college…and then marriage.
Kathy and I arrive many hours early to O’Hare Airport en route to our honeymoon in Vancouver, B.C. What do you do in an airport for 3 hours?
Remembering that Mrs. Kahrs had moved to Chicago years before, I get this bizarre plan in my mind. I’ll surprise her (if she’s listed in that massive phone book)—and give her the thrill of her life: her “special” student (Jimmy) is all grown up…and hasn’t forgotten her!
To my surprise, she’s in the book. I call and she’s home and answers! (This is clearly pre-answering machine or caller ID). I introduce myself, tell her I’m married and just wanted to say “Hi!”
She responded as if I’d just broken into her house and threatened her life. She not only didn’t know ME—she didn’t remember the GRADE SCHOOL! Light bulb goes on in my mind: “I can clear all this up with ONE line!—and I unload it with total confidence—“Have you graded ‘Uncle Lem’s Egg-Beaters’ yet?!”
I don’t know which was more memorable in the end—the look of disbelief on Kathy’s face or how loud a slamming phone can be.
It may not be the best story, but I don’t remember “Mr. Decrepitude” having the guts to do any dialing!” –Jim
Day 27 Letter
1-24-05
OK, just to show you that I’m not racist, I need you to know that I’m an equal opportunity accuser.
Previously, in California, you’ll recall that I seemed to have this ongoing experience of Mexican fast food workers staring angrily at me whenever I came in. Sometimes it was disconcerting enough that I would actually walk out rather than ordering, since I couldn’t see the food preparation.
Now that I am here in southern Michigan, I’m getting stared at by white guys…in pretty much any forum that I enter.
I know why. Though I visit a number of mid-sized cities, there are a fair number of rural regions here and I simply don’t wear the uniform, which consists of a flannel shirt, jeans, boots, and an oversized truck.
A second reason is that people just STARE here. Of course, they stared in Austria too, but that was more like a blank stare. These are angry stares. These stares say, “I want to fight and kill you” “I want to cause you a great amount of physical pain…for no reason!”
Hey, that happens sometimes in life, but when you’re speaking in a church service and see about 20 of these faces, it makes you work a little harder at concentrating—especially when telling a joke.
I’m glad to hear tonight from Aaron and Micah that my paranoia has been passed down to the next generation. Aaron just got back from making a presentation at church where one guy in the back of the room was just burning holes through him. Aaron does a good job of diffusing those situations through humor. It’s very difficult to laugh and hate at the same time.
Scott, I know you to be someone who’s not a foreigner to tense places or situations, yet I’ve never heard you complain of this. The way I see it, either you’re so SELF-focused that you don’t notice it, or they refrain because they see that insane look in your eyes.
So call me a student of human nature—a man of discernment who has learned to pick up subtle idiosyncrasies—on the other hand, perhaps I’m simply suffering from pathetic paranoia—desperately clinging to perceived inadequacies in others, in order to prop up my own fragile self-image.
I prefer to think it’s the former. And, by the way, when you’re preaching, I’ve noticed that your pauses are a bit overdramatic. If it were ME, I would…
DAY 28 Letter
1-25-05
On the other hand, I don’t like to OVER plan. Take my entry into the college ranks for example: Registration day. Being the big stud basketball player that I was, I sign up…with the basketball coach by my side.
Our conversation (C = coach):
C: “OK, choose your classes and let’s go to the gym!
Me: “Hmm…er…what should I put on this line that says…”MAJOR”?”
C: “First of all, I applaud your wisdom is coming to ME for that advice. What do you like to do besides play basketball?
Me: “Um…I like to draw pictures.”
C: “Ooh—no-brainer—YOU’RE and ART major!”
Thus, my entire direction and occupatory possibilities in life on this earth were established.
So I go through 4 years of college, hoping during the last year that I’d be drafted as some major war would break out, so I wouldn’t have to face the realities of the cold, cruel working world with that VERY valuable Bachelor’s degree in fine Art. No such luck.
A light bulb goes off. “Wait a minute!” At these schools, I’ve heard they actually have CAREER counselors on campus. “What was I thinking?!” I walk in with great confidence, realizing the SIX figure incomes wouldn’t be IMMEDIATELY available. I just wanted him to hone my options down to the top 20 places I could stop into before actually removing my graduation cap.
As I walk in, the man is actually working a Rubix cube! (Not really, but it adds a nice personal touch to the story. Were the “cubes” even in existence in ’81? I digress.) I lay out the whole situation to the man, pausing during his rude chuckling, and await a printout of options.
Rather than presenting me with a list of companies who’d been just WAITING to hear from me, his grin turns darkly serious. He leans forward slowly in his chair with his eyes locked on mind with a look of disappointment, disgust and just a hint of pure glee. He bellows in his low, gravelly voice: (And here I’m replacing ONE of his actual words with a word YOU might use) “Son…you’re BLASTED!”
All that to say, in the ensuing 24 years I haven’t done any real art to speak of…haven’t even WANTED to. But in the last few months, I’ve kind of felt a few creative juices wanting to be unleashed—did a couple pen and ink drawings—just found out today they’ll be accepted in an art show. I’m planning to fax a photo of my piles of art show cash to that counselor. I’m sure he’ll be impressed.
If this gig doesn’t pan out, I’m thinking it’s about time to get going on a Volume 2 of “The McCracken Chronicles—Adventures of an Imperfect Missionary” in cartoon form.
Always loving options,
Jim
DAY 29 Letter
1-26-05
The thing is, you have now successfully infiltrated my subconscious to the extent that I’m forced to think about you multiple times throughout my days and evenings. Visions of your emaciated frame, black-encircled sunken eyes, matted chunks of beard falling out, yellowed, cracked toenails curling over the ends of grayish toes (or was that the image of Nebuchadnezzer with frost-bite?), the contrast of drying reptilian skin stretched taut over protruding bones while the distended stomach actually INCREASES your waistline—a film has set in over the eyes, somehow setting off increased production of ear wax, but it’s the constant ear-piercing bowel sounds which create the greatest levels of shock and disgust to passersby.
Yes, it’s THIS vision which tortures my mind. The ensuing guilt prods me to pray. I have another bowl of ice cream and lie down until the feeling passes.
In truth, however, I do find myself praying for you, Vicki, your kids and ministry quite a bit more than I’ve done in the past. (Read: “I’ve prayed ONCE”). It was actually a secondary goal in this writing thing to keep you in prayer. The primary goal, of course, was for YOUR vision to turn toward this bloated, American, comfort zone-building, designer clothes-wearing (when I find name brands at Goodwill, that is), beef grilling, English speaking, art lecture-attending, deodorant wearing, nod-head affirming, cheap gas buying, Raymond-watching, next-to-family living, holiday observing, non-soup- serving, used to be, wanna be, kinda like missionary-lite dude.
Your response, in contrast to guilt, was to be disgusted, followed by disdain. Then, being the fasting godly man that you are, you would proceed to confess this bad attitude and pray for me, my family, and this ministry even MORE than the 10 times per day you’ve been averaging over the years.
The beauty of this plan, of course, is that once again, I win, because it’s “the fervent prayer of the RIGHTEOUS man that availeth much.” You’re just getting prayed for by this “run-of-the-mill” slothful cat. On the bright side, keep in mind that your prayers for my increased righteousness will cause my prayers for you to be more effective! I’d better close on that note. My logic is becoming a bit too dizzying…even for me. –Jim
DAY 30 Letter
1-27-05
I don’t know that procrastination is a problem in itself, as much as a SYMPTOM of a problem. The problem being: “Hey, I don’t want to do this at ALL, and how disastrous it would be if I did it EARLY, but got hit by a train before the actual DUE date. That would mean I would’ve actually expended energy in VAIN…and I REFUSE to be a poor steward of my time.”
Problem or good stewardship? That’s the question we must ask ourselves. Having spent $14.00 to mail a letter by FedEx today when I COULD’VE sent it for 39 cents two days ago, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say…PROBLEM! But then again, I was literally only given 6 ½ WEEKS to meet the deadline.
What WAS this mysterious, time-sensitive document? It was a questionnaire from a major supporting church, inquiring about current activities, beliefs, and any changes that have taken place.
Let’s be honest, if we were REALLY anticipating support to come in by FAITH, wouldn’t we choose to have a little more fun with these questionnaires, and during the periodic inquisitions—I mean INTERVIEWS—with the missions boards? Here is an example of the possible direction this might take:
DESCRIBE YOUR CURRENT MINISTRY:
My LIFE is my ministry! I lead my example.
WHAT’S AN AVERAGE DAY FOR YOU?
Rise between 11 and noon. Eat cereal and watch soaps all afternoon. (If I feel energetic, I’ll cook up a hamburger). Rent movies. Watch them till about 2 AM while eating ice cream. Write McCracken. Call it a day.
ANY THEOLOGICAL CHANGES?
Assuming we’re NOT talking about the issue of man’s sin and need for redemption, I’d have to say no.
FINANCIAL SITUATION:
Let’s put it this way, if you never gave us another dime, we would still have enough to live lavishly from now until way past our retirement years…easily.
FAMILY:
Recently found drugs in my son’s room. Was tempted to snort them myself, but didn’t…yet.
SUMMARIZE YOUR ENTIRE APPROACH TO MINISTRY IN ONE OR TWO VERSES:
Proverbs 31:6, 7
Yes, this was the temptation, but I don’t know how much of a sense of humor some of these guys have, so I was my sober, conservative self.
Well, I’d better be signing off for now. I need to get back to my…”average day”.
--Jim
DAY 31 Letter
1-28-05
Hey, what type of music are you into? Through my second-hand store grazing habits, I’ve begun a fair collection of Christian and secular music.
CD’s and tapes often sell for between $10 and $15 these days. Back in the day, they were $5, but I didn’t even want to part with that much, so my 70’s and 80’s music catalogue is growing. (49 cents each).
So one day, I’m in line at Goodwill with 3 1970’s tapes. I wait a couple of minutes, then it’s my turn. Wanting to make small talk with the cashier, I say, “I guess you can get good music at a good price if you don’t mind WAITING 30 years.”
She responds a little coldly, “It’s not so busy here around 5:00.”
I had NO idea how her comment had anything to do with what I’D just said, so I just nodded, “Uh-huh.”
As I was driving out, it hit me that she thought I was complaining about her slow service. I almost turned around to set things straight, but felt I’d probably just get myself in deeper anyway, so I drove on.
Another music source is Aaron, who works in the music department at a Christian bookstore. (You don’t think we’d let him be in SECULAR work, do you?). Anyway, he routinely steals—I mean is “GIVEN”—free tapes and CD’s, often before things are available to the public. He just got this CD of John Michael Talbot. “JMT” and I have a bit of history, but generally his music is way too mellow and monk-like for me. I have several of his tapes, but only REALLY liked ONE of his songs. (I LOST) the tape with that song).
Anyway, Aaron gave me this new CD which I’m listening to right now. I have to say it sounds really good. I’m musically hard to please, but I REALLY like about half the songs. If you like him (Talbot, not Aaron), or anyone else, I’ll get you some music.* Tell me if you prefer tapes or CD’s. (I’m still ticked that 8-tracks are no longer around).
Getting back to my history with “JMT”—the long story is funny, but I’ll put it in a nutshell here: It’s the 70’s. I’m 16. There IS no Christian music I’m interested in. I get invited to this “Jesus People” hangout. I’m the only guy there with hair cut above my waistline. JMT and his brother Terry are giving a “concert” in this barn. It’s 95 degrees that day, but inside the barn it’s about 350 degrees. People are literally fainting around me. I would’ve checked out way early, but it’s so packed I can’t move. Their music consists of one guitar strum per minute, followed by some monk-like, theologically suspect lines….for 2 hours! Where’s that vow of silence when you need it?!
Still recovering, Jim
* = Right after those Raymond tapes you requested (years ago)
DAY 32 Letter
1-29-05
As you witnessed from reading about my “average day”, you realize I don’t have MANY disciplines, but those I DO have, one way or the other, I make sure everyone is aware of them at some point.
I’ve told you about my “Quiet Time” habit before. I’ve made that a priority every day for over 4 years now. When I first started, (meaning the first 3+ years), I would take one verse to focus on in each chapter (even found SOMETHING significant in many of the genealogical accounts and Levitical practices. I finished the whole Bible that way a little less than a year ago. Since then, I’ve been going slower. Finished I Samuel about a month ago. It took me exactly 5 months to work through it.
You should know me as one who generally cringes at the concept of studying, but I have to say, I REALLY enjoy those times of meditation. I write a page of thoughts for each verse or as we French mathematician-philosopher types like to describe them: Pensees (and don’t read that wrong)—I actually own and enjoy that book by Blaise Pascal. BESIDES bragging about what a spiritual intellectual I am, you ask, “What’s your point?” Well, as you know, simply bragging IS my point, but the concept I’m trying to HIDE it behind is that every once in a while I’m simply smacked in the face by an often familiar passage or story.
The last few days, II Samuel 9 has DONE that to me. This brief account of David and Jonathan’s crippled son, Mephibosheth—“M”—is such a beautiful image of the grace we experience in Christ.
Many of the verse in this short chapter are “packed”…with various earlier references making them fuller and more meaningful. Moving the other direction toward the Gospels, “M” gives me a personal account of what I bring to MY King’s table:
(II Samuel 9:8b) “…What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?”
It is absolutely grace (Titus 2:11-13) that trains us in holiness, as opposed to that which would make sense in our flesh (Col. 2:20-23). We know this, of course. Living it out is a bit more challenging—but what an amazing joy to have been given an EASY yoke…a LIGHT burden.
Hey, I know YOU to be one that isn’t COMPLETELY unacquainted with God’s Word and His Spirit. Some time I would love to hear what He’s been saying to you these days. (But keep it SHORT—the attention span thing, you know) --Jim
(Scott here…Jim’s last statement is a reference to a retreat I was teaching at years ago in Austria, and Jim fell asleep in the middle of my teaching).
DAY 33 Letter
1-30-05
Super Bowl week—the frenzy begins. People get down on the various seasons of “sports worship” in the USA—and not without SOME basis—but, as vices go, there are many which are a lot worse. My theory is, whoever makes the observance of sports activities CENTRAL in their life would maintain the same lack of control in a DIFFERENT area if sports suddenly ceased to exist.
I enjoy sports—and watch games from time to time, but have never exceeded at the “art” of being a spectator.
I suppose, if we were to look at this phenomenon from a SPIRITUAL perspective, we would recognize that there are two aspects (perhaps more) of it that reveal simply God’s original intent for man on display:
1—The need to WORSHIP: This can apply to sports heroes, movie stars, musicians, etc., too, but something inside each of us understands innately that something or someone is WORTHY of worship. We were designed to RESPOND to that reality, and we can worship in truth or practice varying forms of idolatry.
2—The need for FELLOWSHIP: I love to watch the difference in social behavior between groups of men and groups of women. (The difference applies to CHILDREN also). Women are able to be unbelievably intimate. They’ll stand or sit really close together in a circle. Eye contact is strong. Laughter, tears, enthusiasm, compassion…they’ve got it all.
Turn now to a group of men…ANY group of men—Christian, non-Christian, white collar, blue collar. They face a common wall when they talk. Because it’s really weird to look at a wall together, we’ve replaced the blank wall with TV’s, sports stadiums, car engines, Bibles, paintings, bottles of whiskey at the bar, etc.—whatever the common interest is, we’ve designed a way to look at it together…and keep our eyes the blast off of each other. (Sometimes the “blast” replacements feel like I’m pushing the limits a bit too far, but I always ask myself, “How far would SCOTT MCCRACKEN push it?…if he weren’t undergoing a vow of silence, that is.” With that I realize I’m well within the lines of acceptable behavior). Anyway, men were designed for REAL fellowship, in spite of the fact that we’re somewhat bound up by our male limitations.
I, for one, thank GOD for Christian brothers—some near—some WAY TOO FAR. In fellowship around Christ, I find a very powerful testimony of His presence…and what all He might do among us…if we really allowed Him to reign freely. --Jim
DAY 34 Letter
1-31-05
And so the last week is upon us. We just need to tighten our belts and gut this thing out now. Come to think of it, do they even make belts that fit your waistline these days?
Think about the coming changes—(assuming you survive). Will you ever view food in the same way again? The thing is—and I remind you of this truth not to depress you, but to help you avoid possible “letdown” issues—we get used to those things which we’ve done without…REAL quickly.
I think about the couple of years in Austria when it was only trains, walking orbicycling that I would get around. Was SO excited about the convenience (and warmth) of a car, but soon it was just normal life.
I think of the years we lived slaving over a wood and coal burning home heater. (I used the word “blast” on multiple occasions during those days). Came here (to the States), twist a dial—get as much heat as I want every night. Never have to get up to add wood in the middle of the night (or chop the wood, beg the wet wood to start, or clean soot out each night). Do I think about how blessed I am? Not at ALL! It’s just “normal life”.
So, now that WE’VE gone through this fast (together)…we need to prepare, not for a spiritual high, but to eat too many potato chips again and gain all that weight back, and then some—while we wonder if the sacrifice really accomplished anything in the realms of the eternal.
We open our mouths and are surprised at how quickly we get back into complaining or being harsh or just using words without great value or impact.
Yeah, it will surprisingly affect us mentally—maybe even cause some discouragement. We’ll look around and seek to find a few people who can relate to our dilemma. One teammate tells us HE missed a meal once in ’94 and knows “exactly how we feel”. We begin to backhand him across the chops, but he senses danger and jumps back. Another teammate makes an effort to connect: “I was mad at my boyfriend once and refused to talk to him for a full hour!—Hey, brother, I feel your pain.
So it comes down, as usual, to you and me. And we’ll just ride the emotional wave as necessary, but then we’ll stop—not really needing any visions of angels or revelations on some tablets. Just thanking God for food, a voice, wives, and for the great hope that we have, by faith—KNOWING He’s doing something amazing, though we may NEVER see…until this dim glass we look through busts open to reveal a realm where NOTHING is, was, or will be wasted. –Jim
DAY 35 Letter
2-1-05
I guess I just don’t see the down side of this fasting thing (with the possible of complications brought on by death—long term organ malfunction, etc.) I mean, if you think about it, it could be, among other things, a solid missionary marketing tool, if presented correctly:
“Hi! My name’s Scott. I’ll be your missionary for the foreseeable future. Oh? You wanna know what I DO? Listen up. We don’t like to think according ot those outdated TRADITIONAL missions stereotypes. The REAL question is, “What am I committed to NOT doing?” Yes, this year I’ve set aside 3 things I WON’T be doing. Next year I won’t have any responsibilities, but at least I won’t be defining my life according to NEGATIVES. The FOLLOWING year, I might actually plan to DO something. We’ll just have to wait and see. –smile—
I can see multiple title possibilities:
“No!”—The Story of Scott McCracken
“Scott McCracken: The Missionary Who Did LESS Than Any Other”
“The Silent Witness”
“Faith Without Deeds: One Man’s Struggle To Do As Little As Possible…With Conviction”
Yes, I’ve discovered multiple ways to put down those who are living with conviction and functioning on a sacrificial level—how ELSE would I be able to avoid a sense of personal responsibility and live a life of contented mediocrity?
I would be interested to become more aware of the various directions “well meaning” put-downs can come from. I need to expand my repertoire.
It occurs to me that men of action are the ones who DO things, and those in the bleachers consider it THEIR role in life to explain 12 different reasons why the active servant is wrong-headed. When this natural give-take-complain syndrome is in place, you know you’re doing SOMETHING right.
Interestingly, it’s the very drive which propels leadership, which also enables him to withstand opposition—an opposition found surprisingly often among those in his own camp.
In summary, I don’t know if you’ve taken any flak for this fasting decision—and if so, I don’t think you need ME to confirm your conviction—but, whether in this fast, in your work, in our life, or in the 1 or 2 actual mistakes you may have made (or might make) in your life, I count it a privilege to be in your corner. --Jim
DAY 36 Letter
2-2-05
But what’s all this commotion about parenting? The way I see it, the only reason men want to be dads (besides me and you, that is, who love the job because it involves unconditional love, service, and selflessness)—is because they want to tell someone WHAT to do, HOW to do it, the TIME FRAME it has to be done by—hoping somewhere in the back of their minds that they’ll have their authority challenged so they can FLEX those muscles, FORCE their wills and reveal just who’s in charge here AFTER all.
These guys, of course, are the same ones who go into business by themselves so no one will be telling THEM what to do.
Yes—it’s good to be a dad.
It’s good to be a dad, unless of course, you’re one of those dads who makes the dangerous choice to look in the mirror of God’s Word every once in a while.
In my meditations in Proverbs, I recently came across 17:10—“A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool.” Now why would the wise man be impressed with a rebuke? It seems the differentiating quality of these two men is that one DESIRES a straight path, and is thankful to feel the sting and embarrassment of rebuke because he desires that path of righteousness more than he desires his own comfort or a REPUTATION for being righteous. The fool, of course, is like the basketball player (I once heard about) who only gave 100% when he thought the coach was watching. Rather than responding to what he discovers to be right through exhortation, the fool waits for the kick in the pants. Once the physical pain exceeds his desire to stray, he comes back.
As gentle as the Holy Spirit is—as quietly as He speaks—sometimes His voice is very loud and persistent indeed. And I thank God that He allows this voice to break through. What a tragedy it would be to be “given over” to my natural inclinations.
In His quiet strength, He reminds me of my need to draw near and respond well—to get my act together. The power of His whisper pounds in my ears and heart. He gently speaks to me about authentic fatherly protection and exhortation. There is no harshness here. On the contrary, it’s the very ABSENCE of impatience or threats which brings OUT sadness and sorrow for my misguided behavior.
It’s good to be a dad. I really do like the job. It’s the greatest kind of gift imaginable. I do it best in the context of appreciating MY Father’s gracious and merciful way with ME.
--Jim
DAY 37 Letter
2-3-05
Yeah, I do think too much about the little stuff—the things I can’t change—the things that may or may not be personal, but regardless, I’m affected. It might be a joke understood and laughed at by the grocery clerk. Perhaps it’s a brief look from a bank teller that communicates, “You look like you’re trying to rip me off!” It turns into that
“+1…-1 syndrome” again.
It’s less expected at church. There’s one guy—on the church board, of course—who sits near me from time to time. At the Sunday morning service, there’s a time when the pastor has everyone turn to the people around them and shake their hands. The first 2 years, I thought it was just a coincidence that he shook everyone’s hand but mine, and then left for places unknown.
About the 97th time I realized, without ever having interacted with me (which would make it understandable), he hated me. Last Sunday, I waited til he came back, well after the greeting time was finishing---smiled at him and cheerily mentioned the enjoyment of a common function we’d both recently attended. Without looking at my face, he had the countenance of someone who’d just been punched in the gut. He angrily mumbled something inaudible which I translated to be: “Don’t talk to me. I dislike you for virtually NO reason.”
Sometimes those situations have poetic endings.
The year was 1977. I was a senior in high school, and used to a measure of respect. I was with one of my burnt out friends, which attracted two burnt out girls to talk with him. Surprisingly, for drug traffickers they seemed to care a fair amount about their physical appearance. They were both running with the very popular “Farrah Faucet” style of haircut. That they weren’t giving ME the time of day is immaterial except for the “poetic justice” aspect of it.
We were at a football game. Someone had evidently dropped a ketchup packet. I’d always been curious—in a scientific kind of way—what would happen if a ketchup packet were to be stomped.
Being in an ideal outdoor situation for experimentation, I set my foot free to stomp. Looking down, I was very disappointed. There was no ketchup to be seen anywhere!
It was at that moment that I heard the screams. There were combinations of words strung together that I ‘d never heard before. Looking up, I see what appeared to be an entire BOTTLE’S worth of ketchup on both heads of Faucet hair…and up and down their clothes. They had NO idea where this red sticky stuff had come from, but seemed to be seeking that information. I simply and slowly moved my foot over the incriminating packet. They didn’t seem to be in the proper frame of mind to appreciate the wonders of science.
Still stomping stuff, --Jim
DAY 38 Letter
2-4-05
But you’re telling me it’s evangelism you want to discuss. Well, I think that’s admirable. It seems that, now that we’ve exited the culture of the 50’s, when this practice wasn’t seen as being so “non-PC”, there was a very strong effort in North American churches to have this be a foundational aspect of Christian service.
Be it the nature of that period or the personalities of that time, I would say the METHODS which were promoted tended to be fairly confrontational, direct, judgment (heaven/hell) focused, and often completely disconnected with relationship or the testimony of one’s life. Tracts, street preachers, door to door.
We could say that there was SOME impact by the Jesus People of the 60’s, but that was a more limited movement. It was probably more like the late 70’s to early 80’s that the next genuine evangelistic approach was introduced. You could say it was the exact opposite of the 50’s model: It was primarily about relationship…
1—Relationship with those you’re seeking to reach
2—Relationship with God was more of a focus than heaven and hell. Communication was low key—not as direct and definitely not confrontational. Because the testimony of one’s life was a key aspect of the message, part of the evangelistic training was to actually BE winsome (and if you’re not, fake it!). Theology was not a very important issue in this style because the culture (including the church) was not only Biblically illiterate, but was content to embrace faith without concern for doctrine. Among other down sides of this reality, the Gospel itself was often compromised. Previously, few people asked, “What IS the Gospel?” Questions of “Lordship vs. Faith Alone” weren’t debated. In the 50’s, sinners knew they were lost, and in need of a Savior. Now, one of the pre-evangelistic discussions involves convincing a person that they are separated from God.
Neither culture or approach was perfect—each had strengths and weaknesses. But I believe it’s helpful for us, in our approach to evangelism, to recognize where we’ve been, where we are, and why.
As we interact about the Gospel cross-culturally, many new issues, perspectives, and approaches enter the mix. In one sense, it’s all good. Every interaction teaches me something. The Spirit leads, God’s Word instructs, convicts, and provides hope, and lives are transformed.
My kids talk often about wanting to reach their friends and classmates for Christ. I usually suggest 3 things:
1—Have a habit of discussing issues of depth and getting personal from time to time. (It’s hard to transfer from weather or sports to spiritual things).
2—Ask questions rather than just presenting the message. (Where ARE they?)
3—Focus more on walking with God in a profound way rather than thinking about witnessing. (Being Spirit-filled opens doors).
You know about everything I’ve written here, and have more experience and success than me at it. I like your ability to ponder the philosophical, cultural, and theological issues without losing your primary vision of DOING it, and making Christ known.
I get a bit concerned at times to think about the NEXT evangelistic approach—if it would be called that still. For example, some of Brian McLaren’s ideas are quite scary to me, but less scary than the large numbers of “evangelicals” that embrace it all—approaching truth out of their CULTURAL context rather than Biblically sound doctrine.
I would write more on this stuff, but then I’d need to find a publisher. We’ll need to solve this and other crises in a future rendition. –Jim
DAY 39 Letter
2-5-05
But if we get on the OTHER side of this thing—if we get past our whining about someone looking at us cross-eyed, we MIGHT come to point where we can USE that sensitivity to communicate the love of Christ to OTHERS.
I was looking at II Samuel 10:5 this evening. Some messengers of David had been mistreated and humiliated after being accused of spying, when in fact they came to represent the sympathy of David toward King Hanun at the death of his father.
Wait a minute! Being the modern day prophet that you are, Scott, it occurs to me that for your next spiritual adventure, you could relate to the oppressed and humiliated by taking part in “the Ammonite Treatment”. This would actually be small stuff for you after all you’ve been through. It would simply involve shaving off half your beard and “cutting off your garments in the middle at the buttocks”. This way you could also discover which of your supporters are really WITH you—and which are simply rainy day (or buttocks-covered) friends.
But one thing you see in this account is that, even though David is a great warrior and leader, he’s sensitive and concerned about not just the physical needs of his people, but for their mental and emotional needs as well. He sends messengers to take care of their IMMEDIATE needs—then he tells them to stay where they are until their humiliation is completely behind them. Just think of how this attention to the details of their feelings must’ve ministered—not just to THESE men, but to many others who became aware of it.
It seems like a HUGE aspect of communicating Christ needs to be linked to that heart of compassion and attitude of respect—not as packaging, but as an authentic byproduct of God’s Spirit of mercy and grace flowing through us.
Granted, we don’t want to LIVE in that position of “compassionate caregiver”. Those who desire that on a long-term relational basis are neither compassionate nor caring. The ultimate goal is to DEVELOP caregivers.
I think the type of ministry you’re involved in, Scott, is exactly what this looks like. It’s not about TALKING kindly. You could even talk TOUGH. It’s the ACTION of caring—of building up—believing in—training—preparing. It’s ultimately about making disciples—a rare but beautiful sight to see. –Jim
DAY 40 Letter
2-6-05
(Scott here—this letter begins with a “wet mark” at the top of the page circled with a black pen and an arrow pointing to it with these words…)
Here’s the proof! Yes, these are tears. (How ELSE would I have been able to get tear stains to appear on this paper?) It must be a result of the overwhelming sadness I feel at this being the last of my 40-day letters. (Theoretically I could write you again BEYOND these 40 days, but there are MANY theories in life which have nothing to do with reality).
Strangely, this writing thing really HAS been an encouragement to me. How? It’s forced me to think about you and Vicki and your family a lot. It’s increased my prayers for you all and your ministry. It’s reminded me of your lives of faith and service. It’s reminded me of past days of being together—of your sense of humor—your crazy ways—your love for the Lord—and your natural inclination for living on the edge.
Believe it or not, there have been days in these past 6 weeks where I was way too tired to write…couldn’t even think of a single idea…then I’d start thinking about you guys, get energized, and actually wake up as I was writing.
These last few days we’ve had a missions conference at our church. The main speaker was a missionary doctor in Angola for 58 years. He was interesting—had all the snake stories, etc.—a little “old school” in style (meaning after he speaks, you feel a little guilty), but he clearly walked with the Lord and had much to say.
When I think of you guys, I think you’ve got the same radical life, (though fewer snake stories). But you’re also accessible. You say stuff like “BLAST!”…you like “Raymond” and “Cheers” and “The Simpsons”. It’s that real person, minus guilt trip, plus love for the Lord and for people that really encourages and challenges me. I know a fair number of people—and I even LIKE some of them—but I don’t know anyone else like you. And I really love you and thank God for you—and I really hope you’re still alive after this crazy fast—and I hope you have some mouthwash standing by as you prepare to open your mouth after these 40 days.
These letters? All Jim-centered of course. What would you expect? When I wrote light-hearted, I felt guilty: “Hey! This guy’s SUFFERING here!”—Then I’d write a boring or serious or theological letter and think, “Hey! This guy’s suffering enough. I should be light-hearted!”—But ultimately I realized I need e-mail again. When you write your letters I’m always getting great new put-down material. But for now, just know I’m with you guys every day in my heart…if only to provide a necessary thorn in your side! God bless you! Your brother, Jim.
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