Welcome, Intro, Days 1-40, Post-Fast Week, Fasting Benefits

This is the first time I have "blogged" anything and the first time I have fasted for this length of time (40 days)and the very first time I have taken a vow of silence for any length of time. If you are interested in following this journey with me, feel free to read and/or respond to the following postings. And please, if you read this DURING the days between January 2nd and Feb. 10th, 2005, PLEASE PRAY for me and for my wife and 4 kids.

P.S. If you did not follow this blog with me during the fast, it is way too much material to read in one sitting; but I highly recommend Jim Boerckel's letters more than the actual fasting log.

Thanks,

Scott

Vow of Silence Joke...

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence.

One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!" Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days.

The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said, "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!" Once again, silence ensued for 365 days.

The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"

INTRODUCTORY COMMENTS AND FAQ'S

I would like to introduce this blog by saying that I wish to draw no attention to myself for any reason whatsoever. However, I have been greatly encouraged by reading similar postings on the internet in recent weeks and months, and I would like to be an encouragement to others who may have similar interests or who are joining me at some level of prayer during these 40 days of January 2, 2005 to February 10, 2005.

Following are Frequently Asked Questions and my answers that follow. If you would like to ask a question and have the answer posted (or not), please feel free to contact me at: scott.mccracken@iteams.org

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: HOW DO YOU RECONCILE A BLOG LIKE THIS WITH THE WORDS OF JESUS ENCOURAGING US TO FAST IN PRIVATE WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING BUT GOD?
A: Good question. I'm not sure that I can, but here are some of the thoughts I have considered:

1. Jesus was speaking primarily about MOTIVATIONS and warning us not to fast IN ORDER TO BE SEEN BY MEN. I know that the heart can be very deceptive but I have really interacted with the Lord about it and I believe that my motivations have nothing to do with being seen by people.

2. I have way too many interactions with way too many people for them to not know that I am on an eating and speaking fast. This blog is a way to direct them to have their questions answered IF THEY WANT TO. It is a way to inform them of how they can be joining me in prayer IF THEY WANT TO. In other words, I am not "in their face" about the fast. If they want to come to the blog, they can. If not, they don't have to.

3. I have been very encouraged by what I have read in the Bible, in contemporary books, and on the internet concerning the fasting lessons and experiences others have had. I hope this can be a similar blessing to others.

Q: WHAT WILL YOU BE FASTING FROM?
A: I will not be eating food, engaging in sexual activity, or talking with anyone except the Lord. I will be drinking water and fresh fruit juices.

Q: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
A: First, I would like to make it clear that I am NOT fasting in order to "show God how serious I am", or to try and manipulate Him or impress Him or in any way to "earn" His ear or His hand. Nor am I trying to get Him to reward me in some way for "suffering" on His behalf. I am not fasting because I believe it is some kind of magic or formulaic or automatic ritual that brings me what I want from God.

I do, however, believe that fasting is Biblical, that God expects it from His people, and that somehow (in ways I do not completely understand) God can use these times in our life to create greater spiritual sensitivity within us. And I want that.

REASONS FOR THIS 3-FOLD FAST INCLUDE:

· Wanting less of me and more of Him
· Wanting to develop greater sensitivity to hearing His voice, and thus experience deeper intimacy with Him
· Wanting to cast down false idols, “crutches”, and tendencies toward self-dependency
· Seeking to understand His specific will concerning the vision He has given us for ministry to refugees in Athens and my part in it (as it relates to structure, people, facilities, funding, values, priorities, and anything else He wants to show me)
* Spending some focused time interceding for some relatives and friends who need to be healed or who need to receive God's gift of salvation

QUESTIONS I WILL BE FOCUSING ON DURING THE FAST:
* What is Your vision for "The Refuge"? What are steps toward it that we should/should not be taking in the coming year?
* What is my place in this ministry?
* What are character issues in my life that need to be addressed and developed? Sins that need to be confessed and repented of? Changes that need to be made in my mind (attitudes, perspectives, beliefs, etc.)?
* How can I experience more of You and less of me?

PEOPLE I WILL FOCUS INTERCESSION FOR DURING THE FAST:
* My brother-in-law Mark Powell and family (healing from esophageal cancer)
* My wife Vicki
* Neil McFarland (healing from prostate cancer)
* My two cousins Jim and Lew (salvation)
* My friend Steve Fancher (salvation)
* My friend Jemima (healing/deliverance)
* Our Team (unity, direction, spiritual growth, etc.)

(Of course, I will pray for other people and other circumstances but this will be my focus)

Q: WILL YOU BE MAINTAINING A NORMAL WORK/MINISTRY SCHEDULE DURING YOUR FAST? IF NOT, WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING?
A: Because so much of what I do in my ministry involves speaking, I will not be able to maintain a normal schedule. I still plan to be at some meetings where I can communicate by writing and listening, but mostly I will be removed from the normal work schedule, and others on my team will be leading as my substitutes. The following is what I plan on for a normal general time focus each day...

General Guidelines for Time Usage During 40 Day Speaking/Eating Fast…

· MINIMUM of 1 hour/day in Praise/Worship

· MINIMUM of 1 hour/day in General/Specific Intercession for others

· MINIMUM of 1 hour/day seeking the Lord about the future of this ministry and my part in it

· MINIMUM of 1 hour/day reading/studying the Word

· MINIMUM of 1 hour/day reading other books (i.e., Richard Foster’s book on Prayer, “The Imitation of Christ” by Thomas A’ Kempis, 30 day to Experiencing Spiritual Breakthrough”, “The Root of the Righteous” by A.W. Tozer, “Listen, God is Speaking to You”, “Learning to Hear With the Heart”, “You can Hear the Voice of God”, “31 Days of Prayer”, etc.)

· APPROXIMATELY 2 hours/day with family (Vicki and children, dates, videos, books, games, etc.)

· APPROXIMATELY 3 hours/day (this includes travel time) going downtown Athens and praying on the streets for a facility to be used for “The Refuge”, for which we are waiting on God to give us as part of His plan for this ministry (if you would like more information about this aspect of our vision, please contact me).

· SOME TIME each day JOURNALING

· MAXIMUM of 90 minutes in one day doing e-mail

* SOME TIME each day doing work-related paperwork, correspondence, preparation, etc.

Q: HOW WILL YOU COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND TRY TO SPEAK WITH YOU?
A: I plan to carry a small memo pad with me wherever I go in case I need to write anything down. I will also carry pieces of paper with me at all times that say the following in Greek and English:

"I am sorry. I am not trying to be rude but I am not talking between Jan. 2nd - Feb. 10th. If you have a PERSONAL question you may call my wife Vicki at 210-652-8191, and if you have a question about the organization I work for (HELPING HANDS) you may call Nikos Stefanidis at 210-32-24-216 or 967-222-1469."

Q: I UNDERSTAND YOUR SCRIPTURAL JUSTIFICATION FOR FASTING FROM SEX (WITH YOUR WIFE'S CONSENT) AND FROM FOOD, BUT WHAT IS YOUR BIBLICAL JUSTIFICATION FOR FASTING FROM SPEAKING?
A: Good question. To be honest, I don't really have one. I just believe that it is one of the aspects of the fast that the Lord is calling me to. However, the question did stir me to consider some passages in the Word about silence and being still. I especially thought about the 40 day fast Jesus took ALONE in the wilderness. Who did He talk to except His heavenly Father (and Satan)?

Q: HOW DOES YOUR FAMILY FEEL ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
A: Although somewhat curious and tentative about it, my whole family is very supportive. My beautiful and wonderful godly wife has always been supportive of what I perceive the Lord calling me to do.

Q: Have you learned or read any good material about fasting that you can recommend?
A: I HIGHLY RECOMMEND the following, especially the book by Arthur Wallis which I found to be BALANCED, BIBLICAL, THOROUGH, CHALLENGING, AND INSPIRATIONAL...

· “God’s Chosen Fast” by Arthur Wallis
· “Your Personal Guide to Fasting and Prayer” by Dr. Bill Bright http://www.billbright.com/howtofast/
* "The Power of Prayer and Fasting" by Ronnie Floyd
* A 14 part sermon series on Fasting, by Tony Evans
* A very good practical/exhaustive Christian website about fasting:www.freedomyou.com



DAY 1...

The first day was both easy and difficult. The fasting from food was one of the easiest first days I ever had. I drank a lot of water (and went to the bathroom a lot) and kept busy with reading, prayer,taking kids to a movie (the popcorn sure smelled good) and other stuff. Only at the end of the day did I start to get a small headache.

However, I accidentally failed 7 TIMES today for the speaking part of the fast! I read on the internet recently about a guy who took a 60 day vow of silence as a research project, and he talked his first day as a reflexive habit when he couldn't find the cordless phone and asked his roommate where it was. I smiled when I read about it, thinking that it was exactly the kind of thing that would trip me up.

Here are the 7 circumstances where I IMPULSIVELY AND REFLEXIVELY spoke before I realized what I was doing (imagine a look of shock on my face, immediately covering my mouth with my hand, and smacking myself in the head after each mistake):

1. I was home alone with the dog and went into the bathroom. While in there I was thinking, "I bet the dog came and is lying outside the door waiting for me." When I opened the door she was there and I said, "I thought you'd be there--" (D-OH!)

2. Minutes later I was picking away goop from under the dog's eye and told her to "be still" (D-OH!)

3. I was working on the computer when Will (our 6 year old) came up and said (in Greek), "Dad, I love you", and my immediate response was, "I love you too."

4. I was working on the computer for about 30 minutes when Kyle (our almost 11 year old) accidentally pulled the computer cord out and I lost everything I had been working on (this blog posting), and I said, "What did you--?!" (he was very apologetic)

5. I took two of our boys and a friend to see "Shark's Tale". When walking out of the theater, Kyle said, "Dad, I need to go to the bathroom." I replied, "There's one down by the car."

6. On the way home, I started to pass a street where I needed to turn and "OPA!" slipped out (the Greek word for many things, including "OOPS")

7. Before we went to sleep, my wife Vicki was reading a book to me. As soon as she finished I said, "Thank you."

I am going to try harder on Day 2. Looking back, I see that each mistake came after a prolonged period of natural silence (in other words times when I would normally not be speaking to anyone else). It's actually easier to REMEMBER to not talk when there is someone talking to me or around me, when I would normally be interacting or responding.

My time of PRAISE/WORSHIP was very meaningful and emotional.

My time of INTERCESSION took place for an hour during a hot bath. My wife has been doing "prayer baths" for years. It was my first experience but will not be my last! :)

I also spent time today in the Word. I will be studying through Exodus and the Minor Prophets during the fast.

I also spent time reading. I am nearing the end of "The Divine Conspiracy" by Dallas Willard, and "Everyone's Normal Till You Get To Know Them" by John Ortberg (a VERY GOOD book on community), and I started "30 Days to Experiencing Spiritual Breakthrough" (various authors, compiled by Bruce Wilkinson).

As I was listening to the Lord today, I was focusing on what He might have to say to me about the SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES in my life. I was reflecting on how every day there are things we MUST be INTENTIONAL AND PROACTIVE about, whether we FEEL like it or not, in order to accomplish our longer range goals or desires (i.e., washing the dishes so that we can eat off clean ones for future meals, getting out of bed so we don't lose our job, taking the kid to the school bus so he can have an education, paying bills so the water and electricity don't get cut off, etc.). We don't really do any of these things just for the sake of doing them, or out of false guilt, or MERELY for the sake of obligation (though a sense of responsibility or obligation may play into it). Spiritual Disciplines are similar (though not treated similarly by many).

We simply need to ask ourselves, "What will be the long-term results of being intentional with Spiritual Disciplines and what will the results of neglecting them?" Our priorities, and subsequent decisions will reflect the results we REALLY desire the most. If I REALLY want a better-looking healthier body, I WILL exercise regularly and eat right. If I think it would be nice to have a better-looking healthier body but don't really care that much, I will neglect good eating habits and exercise.

As I tried to listen to the Lord today about the Spiritual Disciplines in my life, this is what I believe He was saying:

GIVING: "You are very generous, Scott, and I know you want to grow even more in generosity but you also need to grow in WISDOM and RESPONSIBILITY in managing the financial resources I bring your way."

FASTING: "This is a major way that I have clearly expressed in my Word for you to humble yourself before me. For too long you have said frequently, 'I will only fast when the Lord calls me to'. Don't only fast when you sense My Spirit calling you to an extended fast; make it more a regular part of your journey with Me."

THE SCRIPTURES: "I want to teach you, train you, and speak to you more DIRECTLY from the Scriptures than you are giving me a chance to. If you devote more time and attention for My words through My Word, you will hear more from Me."

COMMUNITY: ?
PRAYER: ?


Day 2...

Today was more difficult in many ways. I felt more hungry today and there was not as much alone time as yesterday. This is definitely more challenging when having a family and when the children are out of school. There were MANY distractions today. I am probably going to go to an island on Wednesday and return on Sunday or Monday. I will stay in the summer house of some friends who live in Athens, so I will be all by myself.

Today, I only failed the speaking fast 4 times. one time was to the dog again (I don't remember exactly what I said). One time was in response to something one of the kids said, I simply replied, "OK". The other incident was Vicki had found something I lost yesterday and I automatically asked, "Where did you find it?" Then later I said the word "OK" to start a sentence, and then stopped myself.

I listened to part one of a many-part series on fasting by Tony Evans. It was a very good, informative, Biblical, and challenging message. He said that he had originally planned to preach only one sermon but in his preparation for it he found so much material that he had to work out more sermons (there are 14 altogether). I listened to it while driving, and then sitting, in the "mountains" behind our neighborhood.

I had another "prayer bath" today and I am quite sure that this will become a habit for me. :)

So far, I don't sense any real changes in regard to any breakthroughs or "big messages" from the Lord. However, it is too early for such things. I will keep on with expectant faith. I also think in future days I will choose some quotes from the books I am reading to include in my daily updates.

Here is another joke about a vow of silence (similar to the one in the Welcome post)...

VOW OF SILENCE

A man in the Middle Ages became fed up with humanity and decided to spend the rest of his life in a monastery. The abbot warned him that he would have to take a vow of silence and live the rest of his life as a scribe. The man replied, "No problem. I'm sick of talking."

Ten years went by, and the abbot called for the man. He told him that he was model monk and perfect scribe, and they were very happy with him. As per tradition he was allowed to say two words. So he nodded and said, "Food cold." The abbot sent him on his way.

Ten years later, he was brought before the abbot again and told him he was again allowed two more words. The man said, "Bed hard," and was sent back to work.

Another ten years went by and again the abbot sent for the man, telling him he was allowed another two words. The man nodded and said, "I quit."

The abbot replied in a disgusted tone, "Doesn't surprise me. You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

DAY 3...

Today I had my first bowel movement since starting the fast. Isn't that exciting? I won't describe it like another guy did on his web site. :) I was hungry a lot today, but the more bothersome thing to me is the "slimy-tongue-nothing-to-stimulate-the-taste-buds" syndrome. I decided to start drinking juice today. 3 glasses a day of fresh 100% natural juice. What a GREAT stimulation to the taste buds! I am still drinking a lot of water and going to the bathroom alot. Now that it is later in the evening I don't feel so hungry.

I do seem to be a bit more sensitive to cold. I knew that this is a common symptom when fasting but I did not expect it this early in the fast. I am wearing slippers now and I hardly ever do that!

I read Exodus 3 and Hosea 3 today. I am reading each day from the NASB, the Modern English Version, and the Message. I try to read slowly and meditate on what it is saying, what it means, and what it means for me. There was something in Exodus 3 today that jumped out at me. It was when God told Moses that he would bring the peole out of Egypt and BACK TO THIS VERY MOUNTAIN (Horeb). I am not sure what that means for me, but I am praying for the Lord to show me if it has any application for my life.

I broke the talking fast unintentionally only 3 times today (so I am getting better). The first time was around 5 PM when someone handed me something and told me what it was, and I reflexively responded, "Aha". Then about an hour later I was in the bathroom shaving and Cody (our 12 year old) called out from the other side of the door, "Dad?" and I immediately responded with, "Yeah?" Finally, Vic and I were watching TV and she fell asleep (how's that for a role change?). When she woke up about 10 minute later, she asked me how long she'd been asleep and I answered! :/

A few observations I have made concerning the talking fast:

* I am realizing how much talking I do without thinking. This needs to change. :)
* I realize how much more I need to depend on others when I cannot talk. Today I had to have 3 different people speak on the phone for me because I could not do it.
* Though I cannot talk with my wife, I find my desire to be with her has increased. Just to be with her without saying anything. I am not sure why.
* I am THINKING more about what I see and how to respond.
* Writing things down takes more time. Duh.

Tomorrow (Wednesday), I am going to the island of Naxos to be by myself for 5 days. That will definitely make the listening times easier, and also make the vow of silence easier. However, my friend told me it is very cold and there is no heat, so I am not looking forward to that part.

I finished the book "Everybody's Normal Till You Get To Know Them". I wept through the last two chapters. I think John Ortberg is one of the premier Christian communicators in the U.S. today. In fact, I decided to add another of his books to my reading list during this fast: "The Life You've Always Wanted". In fact, I will write a few quotes from that book here. I hesitate to do it because the context really empowers the quotes, and without the context they probably won't be near as meaningful to anyone else. The next to last chapter is called, "The Secret of a Loving Heart: Gratitude" and is about the story in the Bible where Jesus is invited to Simon the Pharisee's house for dinner and the immoral woman comes in and washes Jesus' feet with her tears. Jesus tells a parable and then concludes by saying, "He who has been forgiven much loves much." It really touched me because I identified so closely with Simon.

THE GREATEST SIN OF ALL

It is worth noting what Jesus did NOT say in this story. He is not saying, "Simon, you are a righteous man. You have hardly sinned at all. You don't need much grace."

The difficulty is, Simon perceives himself to have little sin. That is what makes it so hard for him to be overwhelmed by grace. He really does think God is getting a pretty good deal in him. He thinks of himself as a small debtor. He looks at large-debt people and wonders why they can't be more righteous, like him.

Question: Who is really the big debtor?

There is great sin defiling this room. But it is not the sin Simon thinks.

It is the sin of:

Lips that don't kiss
Knees that won't bend
Eyes that will not weep
Hands that will not serve
Perfume that will not leave the jar

It is the sin of a heart that will not break, a life that will not change, a soul that will not love.

The greatest commandment is the command to love. The greatest sin is refusal to obey the greatest command. Jesus says, in effect, "Simon, don't you see? You have the biggest debt of all."

If only Simon could see it!
If only he would fall to the ground beside this sinful woman.
If only he could see and feel pain over his sin as she does over hers.
If only he could be overwhelmed by the realization that Jesus loves him anyway in the midst of his lovelessness.
If only his tears would begin to flow and mingle with this woman's, and they would bathe the feet of Jesus together.
Then Simon would realize that he and this prostitute are just a couple of bookies in the family of forgiven debtors...

She needs grace for a heart that is broken.
He needs grace for a heart that is hard.

DAY 4...

Today I left Athens to go by ferry boat to the island of Naxos to stay in the summer home of some friends who live in Athens. I loved the uninterrupted time of reading on the boat. I am going to share some of what I read with you later (when I have my books with me), but for now I have just a few minutes to share the first part of my experience on Naxos...

I arrived very late (about 12:45 AM), the map was not as clear as it seemed, it was PITCH DARK with no lighting whatsoever (the stars were fabulous but there was no moonlight where I was), the taxi driver left me in the dark (far from the correct place, though I did not know it at the time) and I COULD NOT FIND THEIR HOUSE. I trapsed around in the dark, stumbling, stepping into puddles, going uphill, going downhill, listening to animals scurry in the bushes for about 2 hours. Finally, at 3 AM I found a cold concrete bench on someone's patio to sleep on, and it was VERY COLD. I don't know what the temperature was, but there was a breeze blowing and I shivered and shook and my teeth chattered and clenched for the next 4 hours until the sun started to come up and there was some light for me to see. All I could say the whole time over and over again was, "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you that it is not raining. Thank you that it is not snowing. Thank you that it is not colder than it is. You are good. You are good. You are good." There were basically about 10 houses in the whole area (a big area covering two hills), and three of them were unfinished new ones. I went to each one at least twice and some 3 times. Either the key did not fit or there were no keyholes, but there was nobody at any of the houses to ask (they are all summer homes).

I was so tired and weak. I was hauling the suitcase everywhere I went and it is really in bad shape (the wheels)and dirty from dragging over sandy, muddy, rocky trails.

To make a long story short, after asking some people and still not getting the correct information, I decided that the only thing left to do would be to get back to the port city (about 15-20 kilometers away) and try to find an internet cafe where I could contact someone to get more detailed info from my friends. However, when I had walked about a kilometer or so, a car drove up and the driver asked me if I was looking for (my friends') place, and then drove me to it. She and her husband actually look after the place. A storm shutter had to be removed from over the door before you could even see it and unlock it. Anyhow, I was happy to be in a house. The house was very cold, which I expected. I basically wore warm clothing (including Vicki's gloves that she had given me at the last minute--even to bed) and wrapped my head in a heavy shawl and my body in a quilted blanket all day. And I was still cold. (This is very UNLIKE me). :)

But thank God for quiet and for HOT SHOWERS!!!!! :)

The first morning (Jan. 6th), once in the house about 11:45 AM, I took a wonderful hot shower, spent time in praise and worship (with a very temperamental CD player),
and started to do some listening and reading but had a hard time staying awake after my adventurous night, so I slept for 2 or 3 hours and then spent more time in praise/worship, listening, and reading before going to bed about 11 PM.

DAY 5…

Before I go any further, I would like to mention that as I was looking in my “Listening to God” journal the other day (before you are too impressed, keep reading). The last three entries were dated 9/28/03, 9/29/03, and 10/1/03. Nothing since then (it doesn’t mean I haven’t heard from Him since then, because I think I have--I just lost the discipline to keep a journal of it).

The 9/28/03 entry was, “40 days of fasting and silence for “The Refuge”?

I mention it for two reasons:

1. This was not a spontaneous, haphazard idea for Scott to do something “different”. I have been seeking the Lord about this for some time, and only in response to what I believe was INITIATED by HIM.

2. It was a reminder of the original PURPOSE of this fast. I recall praying back then for God to raise up investors from around the world who would generously and sacrificially give to this strategic vision He has given our team. It seemed as if He replied, “What are YOU willing to give and sacrifice?” Anyhow, I won’t go into the whole conversation (mainly because I don’t clearly remember it all), but the gist of it was a series of questions coming from Him that related to the things that were important to me, that I enjoyed, that would be a sacrifice to give up. Food, talking, (and later sex) were the answers. Thank God He is only asking me to give them up for 40 days. :)

Today I was considering some verses in the Word about being silent before the Lord. You may want to look some of them up and also give some thought to how periods of silence BEFORE THE LORD could benefit your spiritual growth (short or long silences, though most of us could really benefit from long). Palm 62:1; Ecclesiastes 3:7; Amos 5:13; Job 6:24; Job 13:5, 13; Revelation 8:1; Proverbs 17:28; Zechariah 2:13; and Matthew 4:1-2 (implied; and actually He only spoke to Satan at the END of the fast/silence).

There seemed to be a COMMON THEME or two running through the readings today (I believe that things like this CAN be, MAY be, God speaking and should be noted)...

“Don’t place great focus on the messenger through whom God speaks (positively or negatively) because that can distract you from both the Ultimate Source and ultimate meaning of the message.” Another common theme seemed to focus on the importance of “turning aside” to notice the Lord when He is speaking.

Two things I believe that the Lord was saying to me personally today:

1. “Scott, I want to be the FIRST one you go to in order to “cheer your heart”—not the TV, video, cinema, books, etc. Me. I WANT to cheer your heart with MYSELF. I want to. Will you let me?”

I remember several years ago reading a GREAT book about healing in which the readers were challenged to consider where is the FIRST place they run to when they are sick. The medicine cabinet? The doctor? A sympathetic friend or spouse? It emphasized that there is certainly a place for all of these things included in God’s plan of healing, but when the Bible clearly shows that healing is both in the Hand and in the Heart of God, why do we run to other “channels” before running to the Source? I was convicted, and purposed in my heart to always go to him FIRST when in need of healing. Then He can let me know HOW He wants to do it.

In the same way, I am being convicted through some things I read today about my need to go to God FIRST (and more frequently), and entertainment second (and less frequently) for my heart to be "cheered".

2. The second thing I sensed the Lord saying to me today was that I need to repent of, and resist, the self-imposed “pressure” to “come up with something” to put on this blog. This pressure is rooted in pride and the fear of man.

QUESTION: Exodus 4:24-26…Why are these verses there?! What do they REALLY mean? I (mostly) understand God’s big deal about circumcision for the Jews, but it seems so bizarre and so severe and so “out of place” in the progression of events. Why, for example, if this was such a big deal to God didn’t He address it with Moses at the beginning of their dialogue? I have heard different explanations about this passage but none that were satisfying to me. Anyone got an answer?

Now, I wanted to close with some quotes of things I read today. I read so many good ones from 4 or 5 different books, and then I read from John Ortberg’s book “The Life You’ve Always Wanted” and was underlining and marking up almost everything I read. I wanted to share all of it but it was just too much. Finally, I decided that I would share nothing at all since I couldn’t choose, and simply recommend that you buy the book. And then…immediately after that I started reading this illustration that made me weep and weep. It touched me for mainly two reasons: 1) Because I have so much and do so little with it, 2) Because I want to know Jesus like she knows Jesus. Ortberg takes the true story from a friend of his Tom Schmidt (who is the person relating the story) who had included it in his own book “Trying To be Good”.

The state-run convalescent hospital is not a pleasant place. It is large, understaffed, and overfilled with senile and helpless and lonely people who are waiting to die. On the brightest of days it seems dark inside and it smells of sickness and stale urine. I went there once or twice a week for four years, but I never wanted to go there, and I always left with a sense of relief. It is not the kind of place one gets used to.

On this particular day I was walking in a hallway that I had not visited before, looking in vain for a few who were alive enough to receive a flower and a few words of encouragement. This hallway seemed to contain some of the worst cases, strapped onto carts or into wheelchairs and looking completely helpless.

As I neared the end of this hallway, I saw an old woman strapped up in a wheelchair. Her face was an absolute horror. The empty stare and white pupils of her eyes told me that she was blind. The large hearing aid over one ear told me that she was almost deaf. One side of her face was being eaten by cancer. There was a discolored and running sore covering part of one cheek, and it had pushed her nose to one side, dropped one eye, and distorted her jaw so that what should have been the corner of her mouth was the bottom of her mouth. As a consequence, she drooled constantly. I was told later that when new nurses arrived, the supervisors would send them to feed this woman, thinking that if they could stand this sight they could stand anything in the building. I also learned later that this woman was eighty-nine years old and that she had been here, bedridden, blind, nearly deaf, and alone, FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS. This was Mabel.

I don’t know why I spoke to her—she looked less likely to respond than most of the people I saw in that hallway. But I put a flower in her hand and said, “Here is a flower for you. Happy Mother’s Day.” She held the flower up to her face and tried to smell it, and then she spoke. And much to my surprise, her words, although somewhat garbled because of her deformity, were obviously produced by a clear mind. She said, “Thank you. It’s lovely. But can I give it to someone else? I can’t see it, you know, I’m blind.”

I said, “Of course,” and I pushed her in her chair back down the hallway to a place where I thought I could find some alert patients. I found one, and I stopped the chair. Mabel held out the flower and said, “Here, this is from Jesus.”

That was when it began to dawn on me that this was not an ordinary human being. Later I wheeled her back to her room and learned more about her history. She had grown up on a small farm that she managed with only her mother until her mother died. Then she ran the farm alone until 1950 when her blindness and sickness sent her to the convalescent hospital. For 25 years she got weaker and sicker, with constant headaches, backaches, and stomachaches, and then the cancer came too. Her three roommates were all human vegetables who screamed occasionally but never talked. They often soiled their bedclothes, and because the hospital was understaffed, especially on Sundays when I usually visited, the stench was often overpowering.

Mabel and I became friends over the next few weeks, and I went to see her once or twice a week for the next three years. Her first words to me were usually an offer of hard candy from a tissue box near her bed. Some days I would read to her from the Bible, and often when I would pause she would continue reciting the passage from memory, word-for-word. On other days I would take a book of hymns and sing with her, and she would know all the words of the old songs. For Mabel, these were not merely exercises in memory. She would often stop in mid-hymn and make a brief comment about lyrics that she considered particularly relevant to her own situation. I never heard her speak of loneliness or pain except in the stress she placed on certain lines in certain hymns.

It was not many weeks before I turned from a sense that I was being helpful to a sense of wonder, and I would go to her with a pen and paper to write down the things she would say…
During one hectic week of final exams I was frustrated because my mind seemed to be pulled in ten directions at once with all of the things that I had to think about. The question occurred to me, “What does Mabel have to think about—hour after hour, day after day, week after week, not even able to know if it’s day or night?” So I went to her and asked, “Mabel, what do you think about when you lie here?”

And she said, “I think about my Jesus.”

I sat there, and thought for a moment about the difficulty, for me, of thinking about Jesus for even five minutes, and I asked, “WHAT do you think about Jesus?” She replied slowly and deliberately as I wrote…:

“I think about how good He’s been to me. He’s been awfully good to me in my life, you know…I’m one of those kind who’s mostly satisfied…Lots of folks wouldn’t care much for what I think. Lots of folks would think I’m kind of old-fashioned. But I don’t care. I’d rather have Jesus. He’s all the world to me.

And then Mabel began to sing an old hymn:

Jesus is all the world to me,
My life, my joy, my all.
He is my strength from day to day,
Without Him I would fall.
When I am sad, to Him I go,
No other one can cheer me so.
When I am sad he makes me glad.
He’s my friend.

This is not fiction. Incredible as it may seem, a human being really lived like this. I know. I knew her. HOW COULD SHE DO IT? Seconds ticked and minutes crawled, and so did days and weeks and months and years of pain without human company and without an explanation of why it was all happening—and she lay there and sang hymns. HOW COULD SHE DO IT?

The answer, I think, is that Mabel had something that you and I don’t have much of. She had power. Lying there in that bed, unable to move, unable to see, unable to hear, unable to talk to anyone, she had incredible power.

DAY 6…

I like to dance before the Lord. But before NO ONE else. I am not rhythmic or graceful. And I need a lot of space around me so as to not knock things (or people) down. This is why you will not see me dancing before the Lord in public. I really don’t care what people think, but I do not want to be a distraction to other people’s worship experience. I think that knocking them to the floor while they have their eyes closed, hands raised, singing, “I See No One Else But You” could be slightly distracting. Today, I had a rich worship time that allowed me the freedom to dance, weep, sit, lie down, raise my hands, clap my hands, etc.---the freedom I love to have when I worship. I felt “connected” to the Lord and was touched in my spirit by Him. I hope He was touched as well.

This is a very beautiful and peaceful place here on Naxos. It is up on a hill overlooking the sea. I am so grateful to the Lord and my friends for the opportunity to be here alone for a few days. It is also so much easier to keep the vow of silence.

There is NOTHING around except a few houses, sheep, goats, and cows. The only place of business open in the whole village is the bakery which is about 1 ½ kilometers away. I was told that they would sell juice there so I walked there today to get some. (I am normally drinking 3 glasses of fresh fruit juice each day—at breakfast, lunch, and dinner). However, they only had beer and water! So, only water for me the next few days. :)

Today as I listened to the Lord, I sensed that he was saying to me, “Your eating habits need to change (again). You are motivated by pleasure (not necessity) to eat MORE than you should. Pleasure is good. It was MY idea, MY invention. I’M the one who gave you taste buds on your tongue, but pleasure is an extra bonus, not a primary motivator. This is not as much about your BODY as your SPIRIT. It’s about BOTH, but primarily it’s about Me wanting to produce more of the fruit of self-control in you. Through this discipline of not eating too much for your body, OTHER areas will be positively affected. So…eat to satisfy your hunger (and ENJOY it while you do), and then…WALK AWAY.

Exodus 5:10,17…One of the enemy’s biggest strategies to keep us from hearing God’s words is OVER-work, too much busyness. He lies to us and tells us we are lazy, that we need to work harder.

There was a COMMON THEME today from a few different readings, including Psalm 16:8 concerning continually “setting the Lord before me”, to gaze upon Him, to focus on His beauty and power, not upon my sin or weakness or upon circumstances. Less INTROspection, and more UPPERspection. Warnings about “obsessive introspection” were in three of the readings today.

A good quote for today from Ortberg’s book “The Life You’ve Always Wanted”:

"When Jesus came in the form of a servant, he was not DISGUISING who God is. He was REVEALING who God is--God is the Infinite Servant. God is the most humble being in all the universe. Jesus did not come as a servant IN SPITE OF the fact that He is God; He came PRECISELY BECAUSE OF the fact that He is God."

Other good quotes:

“It is not my business to think about myself. My business is to think about God. It is for God to think about me.” Simon Weil (1909-1943)

“God sends no one away empty except those who are full of themselves.”
Dwight L. Moody (1837-1899)

“Listen to no man who fails to listen to God…whether (we) know it or not, (we) do every day accept the opinions of others and adopt them as (our) own. Those who boast the loudest of their independence have picked up from someone the idea that independence is a virtue, and their very eagerness to be individualistic is the result of the influence of others. They are what they are because of the counsel they have followed.” A.W. Tozer (The Root of the Righteous)

DAY 7…

I am really enjoying my reading through Exodus. I love the first 15 chapters of this book. There is so much about Moses I relate to. MOST of my life I have “run” from leadership positions but keep finding myself in them as a matter of obedience more than anything else. The last 10 years or so have been a tension between wanting to run from my current position and trying to be content and grow as a leader. It is very difficult to only read one chapter a day, but I am trying hard to discipline myself in this way so that I can meditate and digest what the Lord might be trying to say to me. I am using 2 or 3 translations, and I read the chapter in each of them 2 or 3 times each.

I have also been reading in Hosea, 3 or 4 Psalms a day, and one New Testament chapter (“Bible Roulette” style) each day.

Today in Exodus 6:9, I was reminded that Discouragement and Impatience (not trusting in God’s timing) can keep us from hearing His voice and discerning His plan for us. Lord, give me a persevering and patient trusting spirit because neither of those things comes easily or naturally to me.

Today I had to leave my friends’ house and go back to the port city because I found out that the bus does not run from here to there on Sundays, which is the day it will be tomorrow when my boat leaves at 9:45 AM. Also, I have no way of calling a taxi. I have no phone, and I am not talking. :) So I set off around noon today to walk to the bus stop (about 2 kilometers away). About halfway there a man stopped and offered me a ride. I tried to give him money for the 25 minute drive but he refused (the taxi ride on Wednesday had cost 20 euros).

I rented a room next to the port. It had no heat and the teeny tiny bathroom was actually built on the outside staircase off the common hall. But the room had a bed with lots of blankets! I used them! :)

COMMON THEME(S): AGAIN today, with yesterday, self-knowledge and gazing upon Christ; I think maybe the Lord is trying to tell me something. :) Also, the deadliness of pride and complacency, and how quickly the Lord responds to contrition/tears.

* I also believe the Lord impressed me with an idea for team prayer that we will try at our next Team Fellowship

* I was touched by today’s reading in “Learning to Hear With the Heart” by Debra K. Farrington. It challenged me to consider MY PRIMARY image of God from one of the many ways He is revealed in the Bible (Judge, King, Creator, Savior, etc.), and then to meditate on that in light of the guidance I am seeking. I did, and it really moved me in my spirit and in my emotions. I pictured a couple of my own children coming to me with these issues and how I might respond to them. I asked the Lord if He is responding similarly and I sensed a positive response. Of course, I know that this is neither fool-proof nor certain but it was meaningful and encouraging to me.

It also led me to a time of reflection (the kind of which I have had MANY times before) about how blessed I am to have the earthly father that I do. I know that so many people have such a distorted view of God as their FATHER because of the dysfunctional family they grew up in. The Lord blessed me with a father (and mother) that has made this aspect of God relatively easy to relate to. I spent some time crying tears of gratitude along with my prayers of thanksgiving.

QUOTES:

“In speech, pride manifests itself in criticism, for criticism is always made from the vantage point of conscious superiority.” J.I. Packer

“Pride must die in you or nothing of heaven can live in you...Look not at pride only as an unbecoming temper, nor at humility only as a decent virtue...One is all hell and the other all heaven. William Law

“Times of SEEMING desertion and absence and abandonment appear to be universal among those who have walked this path of faith before us. We might just as well get used to the idea that, sooner or later, we, too, will know what it means to FEEL forsaken by God...Darkness is a definite experience of prayer. It is to be expected, even embraced.” Richard Foster (“Prayer”)

DAY 8…

The last few days, my stomach has really been growling and gurgling and making lots of noise. I am glad I have been mostly alone for these days. I have also felt pretty hungry. And my lower back has been bothering me. I’ll say more about physical effects at the end of this day’s log.

I arrived home this evening and am so happy to be back. I love my family so much and REALLY miss them when I am not around them.

However, I was also quickly reminded how difficult it is to keep the vow of silence when around family. Tonight, Vicki and I had been watching on the news about the situation in Asia with the Tsunami devastation. After some quiet weeping and thinking, we were just sitting quietly on the couch for a while, watching soberly. I was thinking about our Indonesian friends here in Athens (believers), and wondering if any of their friends or family had been affected. At that very moment, Vicki said the same thing I had been thinking, and I automatically replied, “I was JUST think---“ (now imagine one of my hands flying to cover my mouth and the other one smacking my head and Vicki saying, “I’m so sorry…”). :)

Today as I spent time listening to the Lord about my family life, I sensed Him saying the following:

* Ask Vicki and the kids to HELP you work out a PLAN for dealing with irritability and the way you express it.

A few years ago, I am ashamed to say, I had a problem with “thumping” or “smacking” my kids on the top of their heads when I was frustrated or irritated or angry with them. After some time of this, and Vicki talking to me about it, and getting convicted by God, I approached them and apologized, telling them that I wanted to change and that I was going to try a new plan. Each time that I expressed my anger/irritation in that way, I would have to pay them a certain amount of money (I don’t remember how much). Well, at first they were begging me to “thump” them. :) But as I made it clear that I needed their help so I could change, they cooperated. I think I only had to pay up a couple of times before that problem was solved.

Now we need a new plan. Now my problem is not in “thumping” or “smacking”. It is a sound (of “disgust”) I make with my mouth, or an aggravated tone of voice, or yelling. I want to change. I want to speak the truth in love. I want to reflect the voice of the Father.

* Secondly, I think I sensed the Lord telling me that we should start celebrating communion as a family, especially during times of celebration. This was an idea I had heard about 8 or 9 months ago and liked, but have not started doing it yet in our family. Part of the idea is that when something exciting happens (a personal accomplishment, a big new purchase, a special visit or holiday, etc.) to use communion as a symbol of celebration for two reasons: 1. Celebration and family traditions are important to God and to family growth, 2. Communion puts the celebrated event IN PERSPECTIVE of what is really the most important. I like that.

· Thirdly, I believe the Lord put it on my heart that Vicki and I should sporadically pray with/for (someone who I will not mention here to protect their privacy, and because I have not yet talked to them about it)

NOW, I AM GIVING YOU FAIR WARNING. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IF YOU ARE EASILY GROSSED OUT, OFFENDED BY FRANK DISCUSSION OF BODILY FUNCTIONS, OR HAVE NO INTEREST IN LEARNING MORE OF THE PHYSCIAL SIDE EFFECTS OF FASTING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED…

A few days went by with no bowel movements and then for the last couple of days, there have been six experiences very similar to diarrhea. It is NOT diarrhea, because diarrhea is caused by a virus and means that your body is sick. THIS is a natural cleansing process of the body ridding itself of toxins and fatty deposits that have built up. It is a good and healthy thing and means that your body is being cleansed in a healthy way. However, it FEELS like (from the percolating in the stomach to the actual expulsion from the body), looks like (though not as dark), and smells like (though not as powerfully) diarrhea.

DAY 9…

I want to take this day to mention a few words about the person who is #1 on my “Top Ten Persons To Pray For During My Fast” list.

His name is MARK POWELL and I have known him for over 25 years. Over the years, he has been one of my best friends, encouraged me, supported me, prayed for me, played with me, grown in Christ with me, and enriched my life in many ways (including giving us most of the music that is in our collection). He is fun and funny. He works hard and plays hard. He has great passion for the Lord and for living life.

He also married my sister Dana and has loved her passionately, and is the wonderful father of my two nephews Chad and Corey, and my niece Chelsea. Their whole family is actively involved in serving the Lord through their local church and reaching out to young people. He is an example to me in many ways and I love him dearly.

He just found out a few days before my fast started that he has cancer in his esophagus.

This is a very aggressive cancer, difficult to treat, with a very dark prognosis (humanly speaking). In many ways he does not fit the typical person who gets this kind of cancer. He is not a drinker or smoker. He is Caucasian. And he is relatively young (43 or 44). In fact, the doctors told him if he were older they would probably not even try very hard to fight this, but because he is relatively young and in otherwise good health they are going to fight it hard on all fronts: chemotherapy AND radiation, possible surgery at the end of those treatments, nutrition, prayer, etc.

EVERY day when I talk with the Lord about Mark, it is with deep weeping and fervent passion. I do not say the exact same thing every day, but below is a general outline of how I have been praying. If anyone reading this would be willing to join us in praying for Mark and his family, we would all greatly appreciate it.

Lord, I am so grateful that Mark is Yours. You know how to take care of Your children, and I thank You for that. I also know that every day, all over the world, You take Home many of Your children and give them what their hearts have TRULY been longing for all of their lives. You do this because it is part of Your plan for all of us and because You are Good.

But...Lord...if I am going to be gut-level honest with you, I want to ask you to heal Mark. With or without the treatments. With or without the doctors. I am asking you to extend his life, to give him more years on this earth to husband his wife, to father his children, to serve Your Church, and to minister to kids that need to know You. This is naturally what I and the rest of the family want, Lord. We understand from Your Word that healing is both in Your hands AND in Your heart.

What do you want? How can you get glory out of this? Show them, Lord. Do what’s truly good for them and glorifying to You. But if you don’t mind, would you just trouble Yourself to SPEAK ONE WORD to bring healing to his body?!?! PLEASE! Thank you!

And until you do that, Father, would you…
· Glorify Yourself in their life
· Imbue them with Your power to face this and deal with it in a spiritually healthy way that will draw them deeper into You and closer to each other
· GIVE US ALL ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE
· Help them to experience more of Your ACTIVE presence in these days
· Give Mark SUPERNATURAL strength and power to go through these treatments
· Use them as a witness of Your love and grace to all who are looking on
· Show my parents HOW they can be loving, supporting, and encouraging Mark and Dana’s family in these days

Thank you, Lord, for hearing. Thank you for caring. Thank you for being able and being willing. Not our will but Yours be done. We ask, we trust, we wait, we expect.

In Jesus’ Name.

While taking my “prayer bath” today, I may have heard two messages from the Lord (I’m not sure). However, since they both involve other people with whom I have not yet spoken to about these things (and won’t until after the fast), I will not record them here. They were both ministry related—one thing concerning “The Refuge” and the other concerning potential future teammates.

QUESTIONS: Today in my Bible reading I had more questions than answers. For example, in Exodus 7 and 8, why was no distinction made between Israel and Egypt for the first 3 plagues, but there was for the last 7? In Exodus 9:6,10,21,22,25, if the plague of pestilence on the animals killed ALL the livestock (verse 6), then where did all the other livestock come from to be killed in subsequent plagues? In Exodus 9:29,33 why did Moses WAIT until he went out of the city to ask God to stop the hail (especially since he had to walk all that way through the hail)?

QUOTES: “One of the marks of spiritual maturity is the quiet confidence that God is in control…without the need to understand why He does what He does.”
Charles Swindoll

“He who believes himself to be far advanced in the spiritual life has not even made a good beginning.” Jean Pierre Camus (1584-1652)

DAY 10…

I am feeling really well, not very hungry most of the time, energetic (enough), not irritable, rested, etc. Food smells really good to me in these days but I cannot say that I am craving it. I remain, however, much more sensitive to cold than usual. My hands are almost always cold. I am still drinking 3 glasses of juice a day and the rest of the time water. Cody asked me to get on the scale today to see how much weight I have lost. I am down to 70 kilos (154 pounds) which means I have lost 6 kilos (13.2 pounds) so far. My belly is definitely flat now.

The silence thing is actually much harder than the food thing. Abstaining from sex has not been as difficult as I expected, but my sex drive is much lower than usual. I have a feeling that the fasting from food is affecting that. I also suppose that an increased focus on the Lord and the development of the spiritual man may be affecting that (ie, thoughts that were much more normally disposed to sexual matters are being replaced with thoughts focused on other matters). Since I am trying to keep this log “G-rated”, that’s all I will write about the matter for now. :)
Back to the silence thing. Here are some more observations I’ve made…

· I miss sharing small and simple things with my wife, like things I noticed during the day or something Will said. It just takes too long and loses the flavor when I have to write it down
· Much more patience is needed, both for me and the people I am interacting with. I need patience when they don’t understand something that I think I am CLEARLY acting out, or when they can’t read my hurried writing that I think is crystal clear. They need more patience when I am taking time to write something that would ordinarily require a two second response. I do not write quickly.
· Rather than giving out my piece of paper with an explanation about my silence, I have mostly just been pointing at my throat and then making a motion with my hand indicating that I cannot talk. This saves time and confusion and seems to work with total strangers. However, I gave out my first two pieces of paper yesterday and today—one to a mother of one of Will’s schoolmates that was waiting for her daughter when I picked up Will from the school bus, and the other to the Greek helper on the school bus.
· In some situations (like at tollbooths or when bumping into people), I just have to let people think I am being rude. I hate that because I try hard not to be a rude person. In a small way, maybe it is part of “dying to my reputation”. On the other hand, most of these people will never get to know me or ever even see me again.
· I am longing to SAY, “I love you” to my wife and kids. Meanwhile, I use the sign language symbol for it with my hand.
· When I pray or sing to the Lord, I do it silently or in a whisper (but only whisper when alone). In some ways I am already used to this because I’ve been having my personal worship time for years very early in the morning while everyone else is sleeping, so this has been my practice anyhow.

By the way, before I began this fast, I was reading on the internet about a woman who works for “Slate” magazine in D.C. She writes a column and calls herself “The Human Guinea Pig”. Basically, she has readers write in with things they have always wanted to do but haven’t had the guts or discipline to do, and then she does them (and then writes about them). She is very funny. She took a one day vow of silence and wrote about it.
I think this will link you to the article: http://slate.msn.com/id/2100046
If not, if you Google “Slate” and “Human Guinea Pig” you can find it. Several of her articles are very funny.

* I felt like the Lord gave me some Scriptures for Vicki to meditate on today. I gave them to her but never heard back from her if they spoke to her in any way.

QUESTIONS: In Exodus 10:28, Why didn’t pharaoh say this much earlier?!?

QUOTES: “Marriage cannot make anyone happier who does not bring the ingredients for happiness into it.” Sydney J. Harris (1917-1986)

“Success in marriage is more than finding the right person; it is BEING the right person.” Robert Browning (1812-1889)

“No one can know the true grace of God who has not first known the fear of God.” A.W. Tozer (The Root of the Righteous)

“When considering a pastor the average church asks in effect, “Is this man worthy to speak to us?” I suppose such a question is valid, but there is another one more in keeping with the circumstances; it is, “Are we worthy to hear this man?” An attitude of humility on the part of the hearers would secure for them a great deal more light from whatever size candle the Lord might be pleased to send them.

“When a man or woman becomes worthy to hear, God sometimes talks to them through very unworthy media.”

“God will speak to the hearts of those who prepare themselves to hear; and conversely, those who do not so prepare themselves will hear nothing even though the Word of God is falling upon their outer ears every Sunday.

Good hearers are as important as good preachers. We need more of both.”

A.W. Tozer (The Root of the Righteous)


DAY 11

Today I spent time preparing for Team Fellowship tonight which did not go quite as well as I'd hoped but it was OK.

Also, during Team Fellowship, I slipped up again and talked. Themis asked me in Greek, "How's it going?" And I automatically answered (in Greek), "Very well." (Then smacked my head a few times).

The interesting thing is that frequently in my mind when I am trying to figure out how to communicate something to someone without speaking, the first thing that comes into my head is how to say it in Greek. Of course, then I immediately realize that saying it in Greek is still talking!

My schedule is not quite going as I had planned. But that's OK. I am, however, going to try better in the next few days to get on my original schedule for this fast. It will probably involve getting up earlier and getting out of the house more often.

Although I have times of hunger, I am really feeling OK in that department but trying to discipline my mind and spirit to focus on the Lord and be in a constant state of prayer. There were a lot of distractions yesterday and today.
After TF, Arno came by to finish fixing our computer and get us re-connected to the internet. It took him until about 1 AM and then I had to finish installing some anti-virus software, so now about 2 AM I am going to bed.

Here are some quotes for the day from some of the books I am reading:

QUOTES

"Christians are supposed not merely to endure change, nor even to profit by it, but to cause it." Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878-1969)

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still."
Chinese proverb

"Those who have already entered the state where they can no longer receive admonition are not likely to profit by this warning. After a man has gone over the precipice there is not much you can do for him; but we can place markers along the way to prevent the next traveler from going over. Here are a few:

1. Don't defend your church or your organization against criticism. If the criticism is false it can do no harm. If it is true you need to hear it and do something about it.

2. Be concerned not with what you have accomplished but over what you might have accomplished if you had followed the Lord completely. It is better to say (and feel), "We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which is our duty to do."

3. When reproved, pay no attention to the source. Do not ask whether it is a friend or an enemy that reproves you. An enemy is often of greater value to you than a friend because he is not influenced by sympathy.

4. Keep your heart open to the correction of the Lord and be ready to receive His chastisement regardless of who holds the whip. The great saints all learned to take a licking gracefully--and that may be one reason why they were great saints.

DAY 12

I hate to say it, but most of the day today was playing catch-up on over 800 emails. I did spend time in prayer, the Word, and praise/worship, but do not feel that I heard anything from the Lord. I was also very tired today from being up so late last night.

I have been amused by the reaction of people to my silence. Here are the some of the various responses...

* For some reason, people seem to think that my vow of silence necessitates their own, so they don't speak to me at all (as if their speaking would break my vow); they either ignore me or make hand motions to communicate with me (these are people who know I am not deaf)

* At least one person spoke LOUDER to me, as if I were hard of hearing (I am a little hard of hearing but he didn't know that)

* Sometimes when I am writing down a message for someone they start to write back, instead of just speaking

* When I am interacting with a few people, and writing messages, I am not able to use humor as effectively as normal because by the time I get written down what I want to say, the good timing has passed or the other people have introduced another topic while waiting for me to write

* Some people who should know better ask me very complicated questions at times when I am not even able to write anything down (like when I am driving), or ask one question followed by another before I can answer the first (so then when I answer they don't know which one I am answering)

DAY 13

Today is Kyle's 11th birthday. Unfortunately, he (and later Cody) got really sick with some kind of stomach flu thing, and we had to cancel the plans we had for the evening (Kate and Ilir were going to come over, per his request, and share the evening with us). Instead, we spent a quiet family evening together watching ELF (which I found very amusing). Before I started the fast, Ilir helped me record my special birthday song for Kyle on video, so I was able to play that for him and he seemed to appreciate it even in his weakened condition.

Today I went up on the mountain for a couple of hours to listen to more of the Tony Evans series on fasting, get into the Word, and praise/worship.

This verse/quote struck me today in 31 Days of Prayer:

" 'He gave them their request but sent leanness to their soul.' Psalm 106:15 (KJV)They lost far more than they gained."

It led me to pray, "Dear Lord, if you must deny my requests to give me health in my soul, please do it. I choose leanness in body/flesh over leanness in soul."

I also went downtown for an hour prayer walk for the first time since the fast started. It was the first time since I started the fast (with the exception of my first night on Naxos)that I felt a bit lightheaded. But then walking in downtown Athens, sucking on exhaust fumes can give you a "buzz" even on a full stomach.

My primary purpose in going downtown to walk and pray is to FOCUS on praying for God to give us "The Refuge". I look at buildings and pray. I look at people and pray. I take down phone numbers of potential buildings that are for sale. Tommorow I will give you an idea of the kind of prayers I am praying concerning this. I also prayed for my Top 10 prayer list people on my way down (via metro and bus) and on my way back.

Today, I found myself frequently asking the Lord these questions, "Lord, what am I doing? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? I am not having a very difficult time on the fast, but is it really doing any good internally or externally?"

I am not discouraged, and I am not thinking of giving up. But I am just WONDERING if it is really making a difference (in me or in the spirit realm). In fact, I was thinking earlier today that I think I heard from Him more clearly and more frequently when I wasn't fasting. I just have to walk by faith that if the Lord really called me to this, that He is working. I'm trying to do my part. I am trusting Him to do His.

I was thrilled that 4 of Jim's letters arrived today (days 7-9-10). He is so funny. I hope to get two or three more posted today. By-the-way, I THINK the Lord may have spoken to me through one of Jim's short sentences. However, I cannot yet write about it because it involves other people.

QUOTES:

"You begin to move past a problem when you clearly express a goal. Goal setting is a serious and important part of dealing with problems...Reaching the goal by setting up concrete steps not only gives a man the ability to aim his "huner" instincts at specific problems, but it helps the wife crystallize what she really wants to be different in the relationship." John Trent "Love For All Seasons"

"Forgetting oneself is not a refinement of love. It is a first condition of love."
Leon Joseph Suenens

"Try praising your wife even if it does frighten her at first."
Billy Sunday (1862-1935)

" The pitiable attempt of churchmen to explain everything for the smiling unbeliever has had an effect exactly the opposite to that which was intended. It has reduced worship to the level of the intellect and introduced the rationalistic spirit into the wonders of religion.

No one should be ashamed to admit that he does not know, and no Christian should fear the effect of such a confession in the realm of things spiritual. Indeed the very power of the cross lies in the fact that it is the wisdom of God and not the wisdom of man. The day we manage to explain everything spiritual will be the day that we have (for ourselves) destroyed everything divine."
A.W. Tozer (The Root of the Righteous)


DAY 14

Well, here we are at the 2 week mark, 1/3 of the way done. I want so badly at the end of the 40 days to have more to say than, "Well, I did it." I really don't care about doing it for the sake of doing it. I want to be changed. I want to get some clear answers from God. I want to see breakthroughs in people's lives. I want to have a heart that is more sensitive to hearing God.

Today, I was reading in Exodus 14 (New American Standard Version)and verse 14 jumped off the page: "The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent." Was this a word of encouragement from the Lord for me? I think it was. --smile-- (Also, a cross-reference for that verse was Isaiah 30:15, "For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel has said, 'In repentance and rest you shall be saved, in QUIETNESS and trust is your strength.'" I also like Ex. 14:14 from The Message: "God will fight for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!" --smile--

Yesterday, I asked the Lord for a confirming word about our adoption pursuit. I didn't hear anything yesterday. But today when I was reading the last chapter of Hosea, the end of verse 3 seemed to jump off the page, "For in Thee the orphan finds mercy." It really did not seem to fit in at all with the lines that went before and came after it.

Prayer Walk prayer:

When I am walking around downtown, praying, I tend to repeat a lot of the same phrases. They are not vain or meaningless repititions, as they are offered up sincerely with faith, passion, and a desire to see God's will done on earth as in heaven. Here are some of the kinds of things I say to God...

"Glorify Your Name, Lord. Glorify Your Name in Athens. Glorify Your Name among the nations. Glorify Your Name among the nations in Athens. Lord, you are well known for taking small things, "insignificant" things, and few things and glorifying Your Name by making them into big things, significant things, and many things. Lord do that here. We NEED a bigger facility, Lord. We trust you to provide it."

"Give us "The Refuge", Lord. Give us a facility that will help refugees find their ultimate refuge in You. Do it in your way and your time, Lord, but I ask that it be soon, and in a way that brings you glory. Do it in a way, Lord, that people MUST SAY, "The LORD did that, for there is no other explanation." I hear many stories of how You have done this for people and ministries in other times and places. Lord, I ask that You do it for us in these days in this city."

"Lord, I believe you have a place already chosen. Show us where it is, Lord. Show us how to find it and how to enter it. Show us OUR part in the process and show us YOUR part. Empower us to do our part, and help us trust You to do Your part. Where is it, Lord? Show us. Show us. Help us to see what You are doing, and to hear what you are saying."

QUOTES:

"God is never late, but He passes many opportunities to be early." Unknown


DAY 15

I went to church today for the first time since starting the fast. I went in a couple minutes late and left a minute early in order to avoid interacting with people. I really do not want to call attention to myself, and it is so much easier to NOT do that if I minimize my interaction with people who do not already know about it.

After we got home from church, I went up to the mountain for a couple of hours to worship,get into the Word some more (I had already read some of the Word earlier this morning), and read some other stuff. It has been very cold and raining all day, so it was a bit chilly. I continue to be more sensitive to the cold than normal.

I weighed myself today. So far I have lost a total of 10 kilos (22 pounds). Another benefit of losing the weight (and thus my belly) is that Vicki says I am not snoring anymore. Of course, that is a benefit to HER.

Took my "prayer bath" in the afternoon. I don't know how often I will be able to do that when I get back on my regular work schedule, but I am really enjoying it and hope to continue on a regular or semi-regular basis after the fast.

Tonight was the "make-up night" for the evening that was cancelled Friday. Kate and Ilir came over to help celebrate Kyle's birthday (he will have a party with his friends next weekend). Vicki made Mexican enchiladas (one of my favorite)! The SMELL was REALLY good! :) I'll tell you, I am loving my juice 3 times a day! I am really glad I decided to include some juice, as originally I was considering water only. The Lord has been so good to me, giving me strength and energy. I am not yet feeling tired or weak. Praise Him!

Oh yes...I hate to admit it...but I accidentally broke the vow of silence AGAIN! We were playing a card game (I KNEW that cards were of the devil!), and one of the other teams started before my partner and I were ready, and I impulsively called out, "Hey!" Also, I dropped some cards (old nimble-fingers) and automatically said under my breath, "Opa!" (Greek word for "oops"). And yesterday I said, "Hi, hi!" to the dog when she enthusiastically came up to me (stupid dog).

I have noticed that I am getting a little lazy about writing things down. Unless it is pretty important, I am just letting it go. On the one hand, this is good. Dying to self. Realizing that the world can carry on without my contribution. Being more discerning with what I communicate. On the other hand, if I am just being lazy that can't be too good. Especially for the people who WANT to hear from me (if there are such people, they are probably here in my house).

The family has been doing really well from what I can discern. Even Will has handled it much better than I expected, though sometimes (like when we are in the car, just the two of us) he'll ask a question that I cannot answer with a yes or no, and cannot write down because I am driving. And he'll keep asking (very patiently but also persistently). Mostly, he remembers and sometimes pantnomimes his own communication to me.

I miss speaking with Vicki. So many little things I see or think of that I want to mention to her. Usually, she is not around at the time and so it would take way too much time and energy to write them all down, so I let it go. She has been such a good sport, very supportive and encouraging and loving and there for me. Not just the last 15 days. The last 16 1/2 years. She is such a perfect gift from God to me.

I don't really sense that I heard anything from the Lord today. Maybe actually one thing concerning one of the major issues I am praying about, but I cannot write about it right now. Maybe later.

QUOTE: (The passage taken from Tozer's The Root of the Righteous is longer than usual, but the whole section was too good to cut up. It will be the only one I share today, but I do because the issue is so important)...

NO SAVIORHOOD WITHOUT LORDSHIP

We must never underestimate the ability of human beings to get themselves tangled up.

Mankind appears to have a positive genius for twisting the truth until it ceases to be truth and becomes downright falsehood. By overemphasizing in one place and underemphasizing in another the whole pattern of truth nay be so altered that a completely false view results without our being aware of it.

This fact was brought forcibly to mind recently by hearing again the discredited doctrine of a divided Christ so widely current a few years ago and still accepted in many religious circles. It goes like this: Christ is both Savior and Lord. A sinner may be saved by accepting Him as Savior without yielding to Him as Lord. The practical outworking of this doctrine is that the evangelist presents, and the seeker accepts, a divided Christ. We have all heard the tearful plea made to persons already saved to accept Christ as Lord and thus enter into the victorious life.

Almost all deeper life teaching is based upon this fallacy, but because it contains a germ of truth its soundness is not questioned. Anyway, it is extremely simple and quite popular, and in addition to these selling points it is also ready-made for both the speaker and hearer, and requires no thinking by either. So sermons embodying this heresy are freely preached, books are written and songs composed, all saying the same thing; and all saying the wrong thing, except, as I have said, for a feeble germ of truth lying inert at the bottom.

Now, it sees, odd that none of these teachers ever noticed that the only true object of saving faith is none other than Christ Himself; not the "savior-hood" of Christ nor the "lordship" of Christ, but Christ Himself. God does not offer salvation to the one who will believe on one of the offices of Christ, nor is an office of Christ ever presented as an object of faith. Neither are we exhorted to believe on the atonement, nor on the cross, nor on the priesthood of the Savior. All of these are embodied in the person of Christ, but they are never separated nor is one ever isolated from the rest. Much less are we premitted to accept one of Christ's offices and reject another. The notion that we are so permitted is a modern day heresy, I repeat, and like every heresy it has had evil consequences among Christians. No heresy is ever entertained with impunity. We pay in practical failure for our theoretical errors.

it is altogether doubtful whether any man can be saved who comes to Christ for His help but with no intention to obey Him. Christ's saviorhood is forever united to His Lordship. Look at the scriptures: "If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the LORD Jesus...thou shalt be saved...for the same LORD over all is rich unto all that call upon Him. For whoever shall call upon the name of the LORD shall be saved." (Romans 10:9-13) There the LORD is the object of faith for salvation. And when the Philippian jailer asked the way to be saved, Paul replied, "Believe on the LORD Jesus Christ and you will be saved." (Acts 16:31). He did not tell him to believe on the Savior with the thought that he could later take up the matter of His lordship and settle it at his own convenience. To Paul there could be no division of offices. Christ must be Lord or He will not be Savior.

There is no intention here to teach that the earnest believer may not go on to explore ever-increasing meanings in Christ, nor do we hold that our first saving contact with Christ brings perfect knowledge of all He is to us. The contrary is true. Ages upon ages will hardly be long enough to allow us to experience all the riches of His grace. As we discover new meanings in His titles and make them ours we will grow in the knowledge of our Lord and in personal appreciation of the multifold offices He fills, and the many forms of love he wears exalted on the throne. That is the truth which has been twisted out of shape and reduced to impotence by the doctrine that we can believe on His saviorhood while rejecting His lordship.

DAY 16

Today I finished the 14-part series on Fasting by Tony Evans. Thanks to Lina Miller for loaning them to me. Let's see if I can remember all 14 without looking:

1. The Importance of Fasting (I listened to this one twice)
2. Fasting for Deliverance
3. Fasting for a Mate
4. Fasting for Justice
5. Fasting for your Marriage (Sexual fasting)
6. Fasting for Power
7. Fasting for Guidance
8. Fasting for Needs
9. Fasting for Healing
10. Fasting for Ministry

OK, I had to look at the others:

11. Fasting for Burdens
12. Fasting for Protection
13. Fasting for Revival
14. Fasting for Intimacy

I thought ALL of the sermons were good as they dealt with the OTHER topics (ie, singlehood, intimacy, etc.), but I thought the only really good one specifically about fasting was the first one (the one I listened to twice). I really did enjoy the sermons, though. It's hard to hear good English sermons here.

I'll tell you one thing I am really convicted about. For so many years I have put fasting in a whole different category apart from praying and giving. Yet Jesus put all three together. Why do I not "wait for the Spirit to tell me" when to pray or to give, like I do with fasting? Why have I thought in the past that it was inappropriate for someone to call others to fast together (i,e, a church or ministry calling for a corporate fast), saying that fasting was a personal/private thing? 90% of the examples of fasting in the Bible are CORPORATE fasts, called by the leaders of God's people.

I'm not going to make any public commitments today or call anyone else to. I am just sharing something I have come to be convicted about as I have been embarking on a study in God's Word about this subject. I want to be more faithful about fasting as part of my normative walk with the Lord from now on.

Regarding the silence thing, it is really impossible to have a good argument with my wife during this 40 days. You just can't EFFECTIVELY write out a quick comeback. Now, you can have tension and communicate anger and displeasure through looks (which I do quite well), but it is not the same as a good argument. Very frustrating, but I suppose another lesson in the ABILITY to die to self and hold my tongue IF I will choose to--(not willpower) but my will PLUS God's power= VICTORY!

QUOTES:

"A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over." Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

"The great test of a man's character is his tongue." Oswald Chambers (1874-1917)

An obviously happily married couple was asked to what they owed their successful marriage of 30 years. The husband replied, "We dine out twice a week: candlelight, violins, champagne, the works! Her night is Tuesday, mine is Thursday!"

"My wife and I sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together!"
Rodney Dangerfield

DAY 17

Today was more challenging physically. I felt hungry a lot today and smelled a lot of good food. Vicki made spaghetti tonight (one of my favorites) and it SMELLED great. Also, my Prayer Walk dowtown was much more tiring. I think I will have to budget more time for it so I can take some pauses and sit down.

I read Psalm 67 today and memorized it to use as a prayer when I am prayer walking in the city:

"God be gracious to us and bless us, and cause your face to shine upon us, THAT YOUR WAY may be known on the earth, YOUR SALVATION among all nations. Let the peoples praise you, O God, let all the peoples praise You. Let the nations be glad and sing for joy; for You will judge the peoples with uprightness, and guide the nations on the earth. Let the peoples praise you, O God, let all the peoples praise you. The earth has yielded its produce; God, our God, blesses us. GOD BLESSES US,THAT ALL THE ENDS OF THE EARTH MAY FEAR HIM."

Other things that stood out to me today in my times alone with the Lord:

* I had a wonderful worship time (I am finding that I am weeping quite a bit--deep gut-wrenching weeping; I guess this is good, but I am not sure what it means)

* I read Psalm 68 today, and verse 5-6 seemed to relate to two things I am praying about during the fast (the adoption and my friend Jemima who is in prison right now)
Also, in Psalm 69:33, I prayed that Jemima would know the reality of that verse

* I read in Joel 2 and 3 today. Joel 2:23-27 really stood out as passages to pray for 2 of my relatives who I will not mention here, but I have been praying for them on my Top 10 list each day.

* Day 9 and 10 of the book, "Learning to Listen With the Heart" were encouraging words (from God, I think) regarding a major issue I am praying about that I cannot yet mention here.

I received 3 more letters from Jim Boerckel today which I devoured and posted on this blog site.

Oh yes, I hate to admit it but I must confess ONE MORE breaking of the silence! Last night, I was working on the computer and watching TV. Vicki asked me a question, and instead of writing the answer, I just automatically spoke it! D-OH! At first none of us even realized it. It took me about 3 seconds to realize what I had done, and then another half second to smack myself in the head.

I received an email from my brother-in-law Mark today (it is his and his oldest son's birthday today). Rather than quotes from what I read today (I'll share those on another day)I will share what he wrote in his email. He is the #1 person on my Top 10 List for the fast, so I want others who are praying with me to know how prayers are being answered and how we can continue to pray...

Good Morning Friends and Family:

Today is my 44th birthday and Chad's 19th birthday. Dana and I were
talking on the way to work this morning about the fact that it is the
last year Chad will be a teenager. The years truly seem to have flown
by.

I started my third week of radiation yesterday. When I went in to the
Cancer Center, I handed each of the radiation techs a sheet with 10
songs from the year I graduated on it. They have a little game they
play trying to figure what year the patient graduated based on popular
songs. Two of the 5 got it right - 1979. I have had a good time with
this group of people and always look for the opportunities God gives me
to build relationships and "share the works of the Lord."

I also had a follow-up visit with the gastroenterologist, Dr. Simpson.
His nurse came in to take my vitals with this "I'm so sorry" look on her
face and sound in her voice. She asked me, "How are you doing?" I
said, "I'm doing great." She asked, "When do they start your
treatments?" I told her, "I've already had one week of chemo and 2
weeks of radiation." Her eyes got wide and her tone totally changed.
She said, "You look great! I never would have guessed you had already
started treatment." I said, "I've got a lot of people praying for me."

Then the Dr. came in. He too was pretty surprised to see me doing as
well as I am. He is the typical "don't want to give you too much hope"
kind of guy, but he doesn't know what God has said to me. The doctor
said, "I'm glad you are doing well." I said, "I've got too many people
praying for me." He just smiled and didn't know what to say.

I truly believe I'm going to have several opportunities to show "the
works of the Lord" to these doctors, nurses, and technicians.

Specific things you can pray for are:
1. Dana and the kids - peace.
2. That sickness will not keep me from watching Corey's baseball
games.
3. That God will continue to "confound the wise" with my healing.
4. That I will continue to be strong enough to work.
5. That I will see the opportunities God gives me to be a blessing to
others and take advantage of them.

Specific things you can Thank God for are:
1. I am already swallowing better.
2. I have not had any of the chest pain I was experiencing.
3. I had very little nausea the first round of chemo.
4. I have already had the chance to "share the works of the Lord."
5. I was able to escort Chelsea for homecoming - chemo and all - and
she was crowned Homecoming Queen.

We are blessed to have so many friends and family members praying for
us. Thank you for your continued bombardment of the throne on our
behalf.

I wish I could have recorded the prayers my children prayed for me the
night we first found out about the cancer. You would have been blessed!
The enemy was thrown down, stomped on, and crushed as my children
lifted their dad in prayer asking God for healing. How awesome it is to
have the peace that comes with knowing your children are following
Jesus.

I love you all and thank God for you.

Mark
Psalm 118:17
-----------------------------

DAY 18

Today was a somewhat productive day for me. I was able to get in my reading and prayer times as well clean/organize my home office (first time in over a year) and get some e-mails done that have been waiting.

I have lost a lot of weight but feel pretty good still. I don't exert much energy so don't feel very weak, but I know that if I did I would. :)

Exodus 18:17-23 was a GREAT encouragement to me that we should continue forward with the new structural changes we are planning to make in the ministry here. It's such simple, yet profound, common sense.

We need to encourage ongoing leadership training with our new Service Team Leaders. We need to emphasize the following with them (from Ex. 18:20-21): 1) Prayer 2)Teaching 3) Modeling 4) Choosing/appointing 5) Delegating/Authorizing

Verse 22 gives the result: SHARED leadership/work load; the result of this (if done well) should include easier load, longer lasting service, people will be more effectively served, leaders may be more effectively developed, and better growth for everyone.

I was not as hungry and weak today as yesterday, but my tongue is grosser today. It's hard to describe. It is like I am thirsty but I am not. Kind of a dry pasty feel.

I want to introduce a dear friend who is on my Top 10 People to Pray For During the Fast List...

About one hour after I found out my brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer, I learned that Neil McFarland has prostate cancer. Neil and Anne are long-time friends who are such special people in my life. We served together at Teen Challenge in Wheeling, WV back in the mid-80's (they started way before that, continued for a long time, and still are involved in a voluntary way). Neil is currently the associate pastor at their church there. They are such a godly, loving, wise, generous, Spirit-filled couple. I am so honored to know them, and am so glad that the Lord has allowed us to continue our friendship over the years and the long-distances. I love and respect them so much.

Please join me in praying for God to:

1. Take away the cancer from Neil
2. Give him supernatural strength during treatments
3. Glorify His name in all this
4. Anoint in a fresh and powerful way Neil and Anne's ministry
5. Help Neil and Anne experience deeper intimacy with Him
6. Help Neil and Anee experience deeper intimacy in their marriage
7. Give them ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE

QUOTES:

"No man has any right to speak to men about God who has not first spoken to God about men. And the prophet of God should spend more time in the secret place praying than he spends in the public place preaching." A.W. Tozer

"When we trust in ourselves, we lean easily toward human comforts. But a person who truly loves Christ and diligently seeks virtue does not fall back on worldly comforts or look for things pleasing to the senses, but instead prefers difficulties and hardships for Christ's sake." Thomas a' Kempis

"It takes a great man to make a good listener." Arthur Helps (1813-1875)

"One of the best ways to spell love is L-I-S-T-E-N." Dave Busby (1950-1997)
-------------------------------------

DAY 19

Today started off with difficulty and disappointment. I got up early to spend time with the Lord and instead spent most of it cleaning up the “flood waters” in the basement. Then we got an early morning phone call informing us that one of the people on my “Top 10 List” for this fast (for whom I have been praying passionately) left the Christian re-hab program he had been in for only a couple of days.

I drove downtown today for my “prayer walk” because it was raining quite a bit, but I took my umbrella. So after finding a parking space I started off. I was about to cross my first street when a car came by in a big puddle and splashed water all over the front of my jeans (so I had to walk around the city looking like I had wet my pants). –smile—

I walked and prayed for an hour but didn’t even see one new possibility of a building for “The Refuge” (I did see one again that caught my eye the other day. I will give Nikos the contact info today and have him call about it. It’s big, and I am praying for big).

Did you ever have one of those days where you just wonder, “God, what good does it really do to pray?”? It was one of those mornings for me. In fact, on the way back home from downtown, I was supposed to be focusing on praise/worship in the car (along with a worship CD), but my mind started to wander to that very question: “Lord, what good is this doing?” “Is it really making a difference?” “It doesn’t seem like it.”, etc. etc.

Suddenly, at that very moment, I realized that the song had changed on the CD. The song is called, “I Will Sing” and these are the words:

Lord, You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven’t lost my faith
I must confess right now
That it’s hard for me to pray
But I don’t know what to say
And I don’t know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all that’s in my heart…

I will sing, I will praise
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise,
Lift my hands to honor You
Because Your Word is true
I will sing

Lord, it’s hard for me to see
All the thoughts and plans you have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that You died to set me free
But I don’t know what to say
And I don’t know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all that’s in my heart…

I will sing, I will praise
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise,
Lift my hands to honor You
Because Your Word is true
I will sing

It REALLY ministered encouragement to me (I played it twice), and I took it as a word from the Lord in answer to my questions.

A couple of hours after posting this today, we received a call telling us that one of our Greek teammates (Kallie) got word that her mother is dying in Thessaloniki. Please pray for both of them. Her mother is a believer.

And then immediately after that, I received this good news from my brother-in-law Mark Powell...

Good morning! I promise not to bore you with tons of worthless
rambling, but I had to let you know that we had a great report from the
doctor yesterday.

My PET Scan came back and showed that the cancer is still contained and
SHRINKING. Two of the lymph nodes which were previously "involved" are
no longer "involved". PRAISE THE LORD! I think that my radiology
oncologist was as excited about it as we were. He has really been a
blessing through this whole process.

This report was a gift from the Lord to my daughter, Chelsea! She had
a rough day on my birthday (questioning whether her dad was going to
have another birthday). She lit up when I came home yesterday with the
good news! I could tell it gave her some peace and that is what I've
been asking God for regarding the family.

"In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and
rescued me. The Lord is for me, so I will not be afraid." Psalm
118:5,6a

Thank you all for your prayers...and keep them coming!

We love and appreciate you!

Mark


QUOTES:

“Christianity started as a group of believers meeting in homes in Jerusalem, went to Greece and became a philosophy, went to Rome and became an institution, to Europe where it became a culture, and to American where it became an enterprise.”
Richard Halverson
--------------------------------------
DAY 20

Today is the halfway mark. I am feeling weaker and more tired. Very lightheaded if I get up from sitting too quickly.

Today was mostly uneventful. I got up at 6 to get into the Word, took Will to the school bus, went “prayer walking” downtown, read other books, had a worship time, picked Will up from the school bus (and listened to a good tape by John Bevere while I waited about submitting to authority, took an hour “prayer bath”, did some emails, worked on a couple of ministry related projects, blah, blah, blah.

Didn’t really “hear” anything from the Lord today or sense anything about anything.

Oh, I don’t want to admit it but some words slipped out again this evening. I was just trying to figure out this morning how many days it has been since I last slipped up, and thinking I was doing better. Anyhow, tonight I was simply brushing my teeth. Will was in his room watching TV, complaining about how much noise the hamster was making. I walked in while continuing to brush my teeth and said, “Just turn the TV up a litt—D’OH!” (slapped my head).

Here are some quotes…

QUOTES:

“Fifty years from now it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what kind of house you lived in, how much you had in your bank account, or what your clothes looked like. But the world may be a little better because you were important in the life of a child.”
Anonymous

“Contemplative Prayer takes us into the silence of God. How desperately we in the modern world need this wordless baptism! We have become, as the early Church father Clement of Alexandria says, like old shoes—all worn out except the tongue…We now have the dubious distinction of being able to communicate more and say less than any civilization in history.” Richard Foster, “Prayer—Finding the Heart’s True Home”

DAY 21

Next to my wife's cooking, the food I miss the most during my fast is POPCORN! I grew up in a family that had popcorn almost every night, and we have carried on that tradition. I love the smell and the taste! And to be honest, it is not just an "enjoyment", it is a habit. Maybe not one I need to "repent" of, but there are definitely some nights (for example, when we have had a later dinner or a big dinner) that I am not at all hungry, but out of habit (especially if watching a video) I just make and eat a whole bag of microwave popcorn. Mmmmm... Perhaps on nights like that, I just need to abstain.

In fact, if nothing else, the one thing that keeps coming to my mind from this time of fasting is: If God has given me the power to go this long with food, without talking (except for some slip-ups), and without sex, then certainly when I go back to the DAILY TEMPTATIONS (to eat more than I need to, to lust, to make comments that are unhelpful or unnecessary--or angry, to deceive myself I NEED sex when truthfully I just WANT it, etc., etc.), I can more readily rely on God's power to help me in those daily moments, ESPECIALLY if I will remember this 40 days.

If that will REALLY happen, then that alone will be worth the price of this time of fasting.

Of course, I hope and pray for other positive results as well.


QUOTES:

"Jesus now has many who love His heavenly kingdom, but few who bear His cross. he has many who desire comfort, but few who desire tribulation. He finds many companions at His table, but few who fast often. All desire to rejoice with Him, but few are willing to suffer anything for Him--or with Him. Many follow Him into the breaking of bread, but few to the drinking of the cup of His suffering. Many revere His miracles, but few follow the humiliation of His Cross. Many love Jesus
so long as adversities do not happen to them. Many praise and bless Him so long as they receive comfort from Him...

But those who love Jesus for His own sake and not for some special comfort of their own, bless Him inn all heartfelt tribulation and anguish as well as in a state of highest comfort. And even if He should never be willing to comfort them, they would still always praise Him and want to thank Him." Thomas a'Kempis

"The bias of nature is always toward the wilderness, never toward the fruitful field...To the alert Christian this fact will be...a parable, an object lesson setting forth a law that runs through all the regions of our fallen world, affecting things spiritual as well as material...What is true of the field is also true of the soul, if we are but wise enough to see it.

The neglected heart will soon be a heart overrun with worldly thoughts; the neglected life will soon become a moral chaos; the church that is not jealously protected by mighty intercession and sacrificial labors will before long become the abode of every evil bird and the hiding place for unsuspected corruption. THE CREEPING WILDERNESS WILL SOON TAKE OVER THAT CHURCH THAT TRUSTS IN ITS OWN STRENGTH AND FORGETS TO WATCH AND PRAY." A.W. Tozer--"The Root of the Righteous"

DAY 22

I meant to mention yesterday that on my way downtown for the Prayer Walk I was listening to a message by Rick Joyner. He was talking about discernment and said, “The true gift of discernment does not operate only by knowledge. It operates by love.” Then he read Philippians 1:9, which says, “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment.” Then Rick said, “Anything but love will distort the true gift of discernment. A lot of what is parading in the Body of Christ today as discernment is nothing but an evil spirit of SUSPICION that causes division. True discernment can only operate out of love.”

This morning I woke up about 6 AM and could not go back to sleep so I stayed in bed and prayed for the people on my Top 10 list. It's a good thing because I never did get a chance to take my "prayer bath" today.

WARNING: ACCOUNT OF BODILY FUNCTION DURING FASTING FOLLOWS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT SUCH MATTERS.

I didn’t mention it last Sunday, but I had some real cramping and had a massive bowel movement. Then I didn’t have any until today (Sunday), and it was similar to last week’s but not as much.

According to something I read on the internet, my body is going through ketosis or lipolysis. This is the process when your body burns its own fat for fuel. The body's fat is a tremendous source of energy.
The body produces ketones when ketosis takes place. Ketones are harmful to the body in HIGH doses. However, I am drinking fruit juices and they help flush out the ketones. Without the fruit juices, these chemicals build up and harm your body.

Kyle's birthday party was tonight with about 10 of his friends. It was only "junk food" and snack stuff (cheese doodles, chips, carrots and cucumbers with dip, little cheese pies an hot dog pies, cake and ice cream, and cookies) but it all looked and SMELLED SO GOOD! Usually, I really pig out at these parties and make myself ill. Not tonight! I sure am glad that Greece has a good variety and supply of fresh fruit juices. I am really enjoying them.


DAY 23

This is what I sensed the Lord saying to me today, "I am with you whether you see me or not. Whether you feel me or not. I am with you and I am working to accomplish My purposes, whether you understand it or not. You WILL be sad when you do not "see" Me, but it will be3 a short-lived sorrow since I WILL reveal MYSELF and my purposes to you. So don't give up. Be encouraged. I AM IN CONTROL. I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. I'M TRUSTWORTHY. I love you."

2 days ago I was listening to the beginning of a sermon by Steve Thompson on 1 Kings 13 (a very strange and confusing story). The next day I heard (or read, I can't remember the source now) another reference to the I Kings 13 story. And then last night I finished listening to the rest of the sermon by Steve Thompson (which I really liked even though it was more geared to people with prophetic giftings). I feel like the Lord might be trying to tell me something thruough this story but I don't know what. It is a weird story that brings up more questions for me than answers. Steve Thompson said he had to prayerfully read it 15 times before he got anything out of it. In the end, I am not sure I agree with his conclusions, but they're better than what I have come up with.

Last night I heard on a sermon cassette a testimony/prophetic message about a certain angel and its relationship/activity with certain people. I was a little skeptical about what I heard. But then this morning I read Exodus 23 that specifically mentions (explicitly and implicitly) SOME (not all) of the issues I heard about last night. I'm still a bit skeptical, but also a bit more open, especially IF the Lord is the one trying to teach me something I need to learn about angels. I was certainly reminded in Exodus 23:20-31 of the COOPERATIVE INTERACTION between God, man, and angels in the accomplishment of His purposes.

I was also reminded again today of the incredibly frank, blunt, and honest expressions of thoughts and emotions in so many Psalms. Some might even (if they were honest) consider some of them borderline blasphemous at worst, faithless and ignorant at best. Never-the-less, there they stand forever in God's Word as part of His divine revelation to mankind! It sure encourages me to be honest in my prayers (which I think I already am, but perhaps not as honest or as consistently as I could be).

I did a "Prayer Walk" for over an hour today. I see buildings for eating, for clothing, for gambling, for government, for education, for banking, for pornography, for prostitution, for computers, for shoes, for magazines and candy, for printing, and for so many other things. But where is the building for The Refuge? Where is a building to bring glory to God among the nations? (Even the few churches are empty except for a few hours each week, and even then most are mostly empty).

QUOTES:

"Children have more need of models than of critics." French proverb

"The school will teach children how to read, but the environment of the home must teach them what to read. The school can teach them how to think, but the home must teach them what to believe." Charles A. Wells

"If then you are wise, you will show yourself rather as reservoir than as a canal. For a canal spreads abroad water as it receives it, but a reservoir waits until it is filled before overflowing, and thus communicates, without loss to itself, its superabundant water. In the Church, at the present day, we many canals, few reservoirs." Bernard of Clairvaux

"Many of us today live in a kind of inner apartheid. We segregate out a small corner of pious activities and then can make no spiritual sense out of the rest of our lives. We have become so accustomed to this way of living that we fail to see the contradiction in it. The scandal of Christianity in our day is the heresy of a 5 percent spirituality...

...The discovery of God lies in the daily and the ordinary, not in the spectacular the heroic. If we cannot find God in the routines of home and shop, then we will not find Him at all. Ours is to be a symphonic piety in which all the activities of work and play and family and worship and sex and sleep are the holy habitats of the eternal." Richard Foster--"Prayer--Finding the Heart's True Home"

DAY 24

Today has to begin with another confession---AAARRRRGGGGHHHH! I hate having to do this. Yesterday was almost 100% talking free until...I went to bed at midnight. Vicki was already asleep. I turned off the light, got in bed, leaned over and kissed her, and AUTOMATICALLY whispered, "I love you."

What I hate is that all day long I am so careful, the many times that I REALLY want to speak, the many times that I have articulated in my mind what I WANT to say, and then I can't or don't because I resist the temptation, and then something like that happens WITHOUT THINKING. And, I guess, that is the heart of the problem--speaking without thinking. I never realized I did so much of it. I have always prided myself on being the kind of person who thinks well about what he wants to say, and then says what he means and means what he says. Well, maybe a little humbling is happening here (just a little, though). :)

I also have to confess that Vicki had to "call me to task" last night and "hold up the mirror" for me about how my impatient frustrations with people's inability to understand my inadequate sign language and charades needs to stop or I will be intolerable to live with at all for the rest of the fast. She was right and I thanked her for sharing it with me. Truly, the speaking part of the fast has been much more difficult than I expected and surely harder than the eating part.

Now, on to other things...

(IF YOU READ THE FOLLOWING, PLEASE ALSO READ THE POSTING ON DAY 34 AS A FOLLOW-UP)

I made an amazing discovery today! Perhaps others are aware of it, and I am not even too sure about the implications for any of us (other than earning some kind of reputation for being whizzes at Bible trivia or being branded heretics for bucking tradition). However, it is truly amazing that I have grown up in the church ALL my life and have never discovered the deception until today. I have read the Bible through several times and I have read the book of Exodus many more times, but never put 2 and 2 together until today. I am really concerned about WHY? WHY?

If I asked you to tell me what the 10 Commandments were that God wrote on the stone tablets, what would you say? If you said...

1. You shall have no other gods before me
2. You shall not make false idols
3. You shall not take the name of the Lord in vain
4. You shall remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy
5. Honor your mother and father
6. You shall not murder
7. You shall not commit adultery
8. You shall not steal
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
10.You shall not covet

...then you have said what we have all been taught to memorize since the time we were little children.

However...THESE ARE NOT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS THAT GOD WROTE ON STONE TABLETS (the first time or the second time after Moses smashed them).

If you read Exodus 20 (from which our "familiar" list of 10 was taken) you will find that it is A list of 10 as the first of DOZENS of others (not merely dozens of sub-categories under 10 major categories, but completely different categories)all the way through Exodus 23! Additionally, there is NO mention of God writing ANY of these on stone tablets. In fact, what it says in Exodus 24:3,4 is that MOSES recounted the words to the people and then wrote them down himself.

Not until we get to Exodus 24:12 is there any mention of God writing anything on stone tablets, and he calls Moses BACK up the mountain to receive those. So what are THE REAL TRUE 10 COMMANDMENTS (NOT the ones that people in the US are fighting about having displayed in courthouses)...

Before I give the answer, let me say that when Moses did go back up to receive the 2 stone tablets that God had ALREADY written on them (Ex.24:12). When Moses met with God, God proceeded to TELL him many many more things than just 10 commandments (instructions for the tabernacle, offerings, the arc of the covenant, etc.). When He finished speaking, He gave Moses the 2 tablets, Moses went down the mountain and smashed them in anger (Exodus 32:19). In Exodus 34, God calls Moses BACK to the mountain to give him two new stone tablets to replace the ones he had smashed. And while it seems that these 10 Commandments were dictated and Moses did the actual writing (34:1,27-28), the REAL ACTUAL 10 COMMANDMENTS on the stone tablets which were given from God to Moses and placed in the arc of the covenant are found in Exodus 34:14-26...

1. You shall not worship any other god
2. You shall not make any false idols
3. You shall observe the Feast of Unleavened bread
4. The first offspring from every womb belongs to me
5. You shall work 6 days, and rest on the seventh
6. You shall celebrate the Feast of Weeks and the Feast of Ingathering
7. Three times a year your males shall appear before the Lord God
8. You shall not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leavened bread, nor is the sacrifice of the Feast of the Passover to be left over until morning
9. You shall bring the firstfruits of your soil into the house of the Lord
10. You shall not boil a kid in its mother's milk

NOW READ CAREFULLY VERSE 27 AND 28: Then the Lord said to Moses, "Write down these words, for IN ACCORDANCE WITH THESE WORDS I have made a covenant with you and with Israel." So he was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights; he did not eat bread or drink water. And HE WROTE ON THE TABLETS THE WORDS OF THE COVENANT, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS."

WHY?! WHY!? WHY?! Why have we been deceived? Why did someone, back who knows when, MISTAKENLY (or deceptively) decide that the first 10 commandments of the dozens that followed them in Exodus 20-23 would be the representative ones on the stone tablets, when in fact, THEY WERE NOT! To me it seems a very serious matter, though whatever the significant implications or applications may be I am not sure.

But it seems much more serious than the other "traditions" we take for granted, like: There were 3 wise men who came to visit Jesus (the Bible never says 3, only says there were 3 kinds of gifts), or that they visited on the night he was born (Jesus was a child--probably 2 years old--in a house, not a baby in a manger, when they arrived), etc., etc.

Anyhow, I'm not sure what to do with this information. Just tuck away to bring out when it's time to shock or impress people? Publish the glad tidings far and wide? Forget about it? Try to understand what/if there is something God wants to teach me for my life today? Since there are only about 3 people other than me that are reading this blog, the word won't get out this way.

At the very least it should impress upon me the VITAL IMPORTANCE of studying (REALLY studying) the Word for myself, instead of merely listening to, and believing, what others say. I suppose if that is the only lesson, it is important enough to "take to the bank".


DAY 25

A rather uneventful day. Followed through with most of my planned schedule and did some cleaning out of junk in the cupboards and under the bed.

I do feel rather tired and worn out today, so I stayed home from Team Fellowship. It was just too tortuous to even THINK about sitting around smelling Donna and Steve Sirinides’ spaghetti sauce without being able to eat it. --smile--

Speaking of the Sirinides, I would like to introduce our team to you. They are on my Top 10 List for this fast (I count them all as ONE, but I pray for them individually and corporately)…

Themis and Donna Sirinides (and their children Steve and Becky--here in Athens, and Matt and Dan—in the U.S.); they are Americans (Themis is Greek-American) and they have been ministering with us for (I think) 7 years?

Kate and Ilir Cami (Kate is American and Ilir is Albanian-American—he received his American citizenship last year). They have been with us so long I cannot remember now.

Jim and Kallie Skaife d’Ingerthorpe (Jim is British and Kallie is Greek). They have two children: (one in school in England and one here in Athens). They have been officially with I.T./Athens for one and half years.

Arno and Sahar Lankhaar (He is Dutch and she is Iranian). They have been married for about 10 months, and although Arno is not “officially” with I.T. he is very much a part of our team’s family.

Nader and Ella Mohajer (He is Iranian and she is a Filipina). I think they have been with us “officially” for almost 4 years now.

Nikos and Maria Stefanidis (both Greek). Nikos has been with us full-time officially for about 1 and ½ years, but as a part-time volunteer for 3 or 4 years before that. Maria is not “officially” with I.T. but is very much a part of our team’s family.

Susan Pearson (American) has been on our team for 5 years.

Lara Thompson (American) has been on our team 2 ½ years, I think.

Susie Lauber (Canadian) was with us for a year, back in Canada for 9 months, and back with us now for 5 months.

And, of course, my own family. We have been here 14 1/2 years.

We also have just had seconded to us from International Fellowship Ministries Efthimis and Irini and their two young children Daphne and George. They are Greek and have been volunteering with us for some time now, but are officially coming on board with the team!

Additionally, we have wonderful local volunteers who are teammates in this ministry and we have many short-term teams and individuals constantly coming from abroad.

Also, I would like to mention some others that I am praying for who are hoping to join us in Athens this year, if the Lord will proved the financial support they need:

· Tatiana (a Russian woman)
· The Cottrell family (Australian)
· T.J. Grabinowski (American)
· Michelle (British)
· An Egyptian family planning to be seconded to us from YWAM in Egypt

Every day I am praying for our team, that God will:

· Revive us
· Help us to fall in love with Him again
· Help us to hear His voice
· Lead us into deeper intimacy with Him and greater dependency upon Him
· Give us unity of relationships, unity of vision, unity of love
· Provide each team members financial needs

I also pray for the marriages of each of the couples on the team, that the Lord will help the husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, that the wives will be submissive to their husbands as unto the Lord, and they will both grow in intimacy with each other and the Lord, and that they will grow in cherishing, encouraging, loving, and building up one another.

I also pray for the parents on our team, that our parenting will reflect the parenting of the Lord in discipline, acceptance, affection, approval, guidance, and provision.

Then I pray for personal needs and requests that I know about for my team mates (which I will not list here).

I watched “The Passion of the Christ” tonight and had a good cry. I love that film. I love my Jesus.

QUOTES:

“We do confess in public that we are the noblest work of God, being moved to it by long habit, and teaching…but deep down in the secret places of our souls we recognize that, if we are the noblest work, the less said about it the better.” Mark Twain J

“Do I seem to be preaching? It is out of my line: I only do it because the rest of the clergy seem to be on vacation.” Mark Twain

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” Mark Twain

“The parent must convince himself that discipline is not something he does TO the child; it is something he does FOR the child.” James Dobson

“Parents do for their children what they cannot do by themselves in order that they may learn to do what they must do by themselves.” Lovelace Howard

“Self-preoccupation, self-brooding, self-interest, self-love—these are the reasons we jar each other. Turn your eyes off yourself; look up and out! There are your brothers and sisters; they have needs that you can aid in. Listen for their confidences; keep your heart wide open to their calls and your hands alert to their service. Learn to give and not to take, to drown your own hungry wants in the happiness of lending yourself to fulfill the interests of those nearest and dearest. Look up and out from this narrow, cabined self of yours. You will find to your own glad surprise the secret of the meekness and gentleness of Jesus, and the fruits of the Spirit will all bud and blossom from out of your life.”
Elisabeth Elliot

DAY 26

One thing I can say for certain is that I am no "holier" now than when I started this fast. I still struggle with the "roving eye", still get angry, irritated, and frustrated relatively easily, still think in reactive and hurtful ways, and still can do amazing things taking perfectly noble goals and trashing them to do something wasteful.

However, I am praying more frequently and thus giving less time and space in my mind to dwell on other things. That's easy enough when I am not following my normal schedule. I would love it if I could keep it up when my normal schedule returns.

I did add the elections in Iraq to my Top 10 list today (I moved some people on our team who had separate positions into the slot where I pray for the team). Honestly, I have a hard time praying for countries like Iraq with much faith, but I felt faith welling up in me (a little bit) today as I was praying. I spent about 30 minutes just on the elections. I know that God is neither a Democrat nor Republican, nor the author of democracy in general. I think it was Winston Churchill that said, "Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others." Since there is no real theocratic government in the world today (God's ideal), I'm not sure Winston was far from wrong. Although, "of the people, by the people, and for the people" smacks a bit of humanism and seems remeniscent of the Fall, I guess you have to take it in context. Anyhow, I am no politician nor a student of politics. I just want God to somehow use my prayers (along with everyone else's) to see HIS will done on earth as it is in heaven.

I believe if Christians in these days will step up their prayer efforts TOGETHER for Iraq, we will see amazing things in the coming days. I was reminded today of Exodus 17, when Aaron and Hur helped hold up Moses' hands on the mountain so that Joshua and the army of God could prevail in the battle below. What a great picture of intercessory prayer and where the REAL battle takes place!

In summary, I prayed primarily for the following:

* SUPERNATURALLY MIRACULOUS safety during the elections, so much so that the Iraqi people would sit up and take notice that it was God's doing
* That the mighty angels of God would confound the terrorists efforts and render their weapons and plans useless, and that there would be "more with the Iraqis than against them"
* Progress in the country's move to democracy, stablization in the country
* Protection of soldiers and citizens during the elections
* Advancement of the Gospel in Iraq
* Courageous and wise leaders who know God to be raised up in positions of leadership
* Wisdom for current leaders


Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
includes meals."

QUOTES:

“We have become a body of people who look more like a herd of cattle in a stampede than a flock of God beside green pastures and still waters.” Chuck Swindoll

“Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.” Richard Foster

“I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mark Twain

“Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? I believe it is because we are not the person involved.” Mark Twain, “Pudd’nhead Wilson

“Whether we like it or not, asking is the rule of the Kingdom.” Charles H. Spurgeon

“Petitions that are less than pure can only be purified by petition.” P.T. Forsyth

“Love loves to be told what it knows already…It wants to be asked for what it longs to give.” P.T. Forsyth

“We shall come one day to heaven where we shall gratefully know that God’s great refusals were sometimes the true answers to our truest prayer.” P.T. Forsyth

“Discipline and love are not antithetical; one is a function of the other.” James Dobson

DAY 27

I have read in many places that it is not unusual to dream about eating food while you are fasting. I usually don't remember most of my dreams, but last night was the first night of the fast I remember dreaming about eating food (though it was more of a mistake than intentionally eating it). I don't remember exactly where I was but somehow I was with a large group of people (like at a conference). Sue Meyer (the wife of Simon Meyer who launched this blog for me) came up to me (though she was supposed to be Sue in my dream, she didn't look anything like her)while I was eating some delicious (but unrecognizable) casserole, and said, "We are sure enjoying following your fast through the blog." I suddenly realized that I FORGOT that I was fasting and I wasn't supposed to be eating! Then I started to agonize about what to do. Blow off the rest of the time? Start over? Make this one exception and continue on? Then I woke up.

On the other hand, I have dreamt many times already about SPEAKING when I shouldn't be. Strangely enough, when I blow it in my dreams I have a tendency to downplay it and just keep talking, as if "Well, I already blew it today so I may as well keep talking today. tomorrow I'll carry on with the vow." But then I feel guilty about it. I'm glad when I wake up and find it was only a dream.

Although I experienced a basically "zero" sex drive the first three weeks, it seems to be returning. Oddly enough, I also felt really energetic today--much more so than in recent days.

I haven't senses any clear words from the Lord in quite a while now. Odd. I expected to hear more clearly as time went on. Oh well. I'll keep listening. I have not yet seen any of my prayer requests completely answered, though I am not sure that I will see them completely answered DURING the fast.

I added a Christian website about fasting to the Blog Intro today. It is:
www.freedomyou.com
Anyone interested in learning more about fasting should check it out. It is very thorough and practical.

I have really covered EVERY downtown neighborhood in Athens during my prayer walks. Today, however, I thought of a few specific streets that I had not yet walked down. On one of them I found a great-looking possibility. It is not quite as large as what I had in mind, but I would really like to check it out on the inside and see if it could work. Unfortunately, I forgot my pen and paper today. (The fast has not helped my poor memory). So I will go back tomorrow or Monday to get the number.

Here are some of the SPECIFC things I am asking God for concerning The Refuge (in addition to the things I mentioned on a previous day):

* A God-sized facility, for a God-sized ministry, with a God-sized provision (now, I understand, "God-sized" can be as small as a virgin's womb, a manger, and a group of 12, but I am praying for HUGE; because the fact of the matter is that we cannot effectively do the ministry we are doing with our current facility, not to mention the new ministries God has given us the vision to launch); at least 1500-2000 square meters (15,500-18,000 square feet)

* An independent facility (meaning that there are no other tenents sharing the building)

* In decent condition (not a rotting piece of garbage)

* Meeting earthquake code

* MIRACULOUSLY provided for us in way that will point all the attention to God

DAY 28

I have to confess that I gave in today. Not to food. Not to talking. Not even to sex. I gave in to distractions. Other than an hour spent in intercession for those on my Top 10 List, I spent time doing the following…

· E-mails
· Worked on a message for a missions emphasis at a church were I will speak in February
· Took everything out of our “attic”, sorted through it, threw away stuff, re-organized and put it all back.
· Had a very special couple over for dinner (5:30-10:30), then took them back to where they are staying while in Athens. Rich and Zo Becker have been working with IT/USA for almost 33 years. They are such a godly, real, funny, and encouraging couple. It was such an honor to have them in our home, and we count it a real privilege to know them and work in the same organization with them.

I am AMAZED at how good I am feeling the last couple of days (especially after the preceding days when I had felt rather tired and easily wearied). Today I did a lot of physical exertion with my work project (going up and down stairs and ladders and carrying heavy things).

It was pretty “tortuous” today to smell the wonderful meal (homemade bread and stew) that Vicki made for our guests tonight. It was slightly more tortuous watching them eat it.

However, the most difficult was not being able to enter the conversation. Several times I wanted to jump in with a funny comment, a correction, or an opinion or observation. It just takes too long to write those things down, and then the conversation has moved on and it doesn’t “fit”. I did write down several questions that provided good catalysts for them to talk.

I have communicated (by writing emails) to a couple of the people related to some of what I think the Lord may have been saying to me during this time. I am awaiting their replies.

JOKE:
It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
QUOTES:

“There are several good protections against temptations but the surest is cowardice.”
--Mark Twain

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
--Mark Twain

“By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean.”
--Mark Twain


DAY 29

I stayed home from church today while the family went. They needed to pick up a few friends who were doing a ministry presentation at our church today and there was room for all of us, so I GALLANTLY volunteered to stay home alone.

I listened to one and a half video messages by Dave Busby in order to prepare some worksheets for my homeschool classes. Dave Busby has gone on to be with Jesus (7 years ago), but his ministry in my life continues. He is one of the top 5 men (maybe top 3) who has made a SIGNIFICANT impact on my relationship with the Lord. He was the most anointed man of God I have ever personally known, and I am so grateful to God for the awesome privilege I had to know him. He was one of the oldest (if not the oldest) living people with Cystic Fibrosis, and he had polio when he was kid. In spite of this (or maybe because of it), God perfected His strength and power in Dave’s “weaknesses”. I love him so much. I am still challenged, convicted, encouraged, and motivated to make my life count for Jesus EVERY time I listen to Dave’s tapes or videos (and I still listen over and over).

I recently re-connected with his precious wife Lawanna (who is now married to Barry St. Clair), and she promised to send me more of Dave’s materials! I am so excited I can hardly wait!

I also spent about an hour in praise/worship while I had the house to myself this morning.

By-the-way, I forgot to mention the other day (when I introduced our team) two important issues concerning our team:

1. Another couple who are with B.E.E. (formerly Bible Education by Extension, but they are in the process of changing the meaning of the letters): Sam and Fran Holdsambeck. Although not with I.T., they are such a significant part of our life and ministry here. Sam has a HUGE part in the AIMS ministry (teaching English, Bible classes, and mentoring) and is involved in other ministry to refugees here. He and I also share an “accountability” time each week. Fran helps with administrative and cooking responsibilities of AIMS (and teaches biology in our home school co-op). They are both special friends and co-workers in the harvest). Their teammates in B.E.E. are Dwight and Sandy Eckholm, and although we don’t know them as well, they are also a significant part of AIMS and the effort we are making to make disciple-makers among the nations.

2. We have a real PASTORAL need on our team, and we have been praying for YEARS that God would send someone to fill the role in our ministry. This is a priority issue of prayer for me in these days. Please join me in praying about this. If you know of anyone who might be qualified and willing, let me know and I will send a job description.

I have to confess that I have reached a portion in Exodus that is extremely boring to me. I understand that there is great symbolism in these chapters but I find the specific detailed instructions so tedious, I am skimming more than reading and meditating. I am, however, mostly enjoying the Psalms, minor prophets, and NT chapters. But not any “rhema” yet.

Oh, I weighed myself today. I lost another kilo. That’s 13 kilos. That’s 28.6 pounds. I went down two notches in my belt. I have to pull it very tight to keep my pants up and it scrunches them all around the waist. But I am wearing sweaters so others can’t really tell.

QUOTES:

"One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blew.
'Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go"--Ella Wheeler Wilcox

(Twain's suggested epitaph for a lady's beloved maid-servant who had fallen asleep on a stove and had been roasted to death): Well done, good and faithful servant.
--Mark Twain

DAY 30

Well, they say that it takes 30 days to MAKE a habit and one day to BREAK it. I have been giving thought to what habits I could keep out of this fasting period. I definitely plan to BREAK all three major aspects of it on February 11th! --smile—

However, I am wondering, hoping, and praying that I will fast more FREQUENTLY, talk LESS, think MORE, pray more throughout the day (like on my way to and from downtown, which will mean less reading), and take periods of prayer and solitude more OFTEN during the year.

I got a good report from my brother-in-law today, which I have pasted below. Rejoice with us, and please continue to pray.
Good Morning Friends & Family:

Sorry for the delay in getting you an update. I was out of the office
all last week and we currently don't have a working computer at home.

Today I'm back in the office.

Last week I went in to have my second round of chemo treatments but my
white blood cell count was too low. They instead gave me 3 shots of
lukine (sp?) to boost my white cells and told me I will start the chemo
this week.

I have completed 19 of 25 radiation treatments and the doctors and
nurses are all amazed that I continue to be able to eat (I gained weight
again this week - Dana told the Doctor it was not because she was
feeding me, it was because all of our friends are feeding us) and that
I'm not experiencing the drastic side effects they expected at weeks 13
-15.

It looks like the plan is to finish this week of chemo and radiation
and then take another look at the area, again checking for movement into
the other major organs. If the cancer is still localized they will most
likely suggest surgery. We made contact with Dr. Cerfolio at UAB
Medical Center in Birmingham to perform the surgery. He is the top
thorasic surgeon in Alabama and has the best success rate in the country
with this particular type of surgery. We are extremely blessed to have
him so close and that he is included in our insurance coverage.

Dana seems to be doing well. As many of you can understand, it is much
more difficult on her than it is on me. She feels helpless and that is
an awful feeling for a mate.

Chad, Corey and Chelsea are also doing well. Last night, Chelsea came
to me and said, "I've got peace now Daddy! I don't like you going
through this, but I've got peace." That is another answer to prayer. 1
down 3 to go.

I also had a chance to have a good talk with Corey last week. We cried
and prayed! I wish you could hear this young man pray for his Daddy!
He is a WARRIOR!

Chad has always been our silent one. He is living in his own apartment
and we don't see him as much, but he still calls to check on old Dad.
He is doing an incredible job at the University of South Alabama -
straight A's his first semester.

Here are just a few blessings you can thank the Lord for with us:
1. I continue to gain weight (hopefully that is a blessing!)
2. The side effects of the treatments have been very minimal.
3. God has given Chelsea peace.
4. An anonymous donor paid the rest of the tuition for Corey and
Chelsea for the year and paid their registration for next year. This is
HUGE! We are totally blown away by this outpouring of generosity.
5. The surgeon we have decided to use is one of the best in the
country and is right here in Alabama.
6. We have insurance coverage!

Here are a few things to continue to pray about:
1. Peace for the rest of the family.
2. Continued strength for the process.
3. No growth of the cancer.
4. That we can make enough sales in Special Markets to keep the
"machine" running well.
5. That people will continue to see the work of THE ONE TRUE LIVING
GOD in my life and my family's lives! Our greatest desire is to be a
testimony through the good and the bad of a LIVING Savior.

On a final note: When I first started the treatments, I was trying to
sing during one of our gatherings at The People of Mars Hill. I
couldn't! It hurt too much. I went home praying and telling the Lord I
did not want to be kept from singing. It is one of my great joys! The
next Sunday, we were singing some of my favorite songs. I was not
singing because of the soreness but I remembered the Psalm that says, "I
will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my
mouth. My soul shall make its boast in the Lord. The humble shall hear
it and be glad. O magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt His name
together." I said to myself, nothing is going to keep me from praising
and worshipping my God...and I began to sing. I sang to the top of my
lungs...without any soreness. And I've continued to sing each week.

God is great and greatly to be praised!

I love you all and thank you once again for your prayers and support.

Mark
-------------------------------------------

QUOTES:

“May not the inadequacy of much of our spiritual experience be traced back to our habit of skipping through the corridors of the Kingdom like children in the market place, chattering about everything, but pausing to learn the true value of nothing.”
--A.W. Tozer, “The Divine Conquest”

“Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” Mark Twain

"Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear
the music."-- Friedrich Nietzsche

DAY 31

February 1, 2005. A few things of interest today…

· My mom’s 65th birthday

· Today begins our family’s annual TV/Video/DVD fast for the whole month of February (we chose Feb. because it is the SHORTEST month) –smile-- I think we have been doing this for 6 years now

· Exodus is getting more interesting again. I was reminded again today that “CRAFTSMANSHIP” can be considered a “spiritual gift” among God’s people. Of course, I have always known that it was a talent or skill or ability, but I forget to include it with the list in Romans 12 and I Corinthians 12 whenever I am teaching on spiritual gifts. It was also interesting to me today when I noticed for the first time in Ex. 31:6 the Lord said, “In the hearts of ALL who are SKILLFUL, I (MYSELF) have put skill…”

· Additionally, I was reminded and re-impressed with the SERIOUSNESS (to God) of us taking a Sabbath to REMEMBER AND HONOR HIM (how often do I do THAT?); yesterday, I heard a good sermon by Steve Thompson (with Morning Star ministries) about the Purpose of the Wilderness. It was really good, especially at this time when I have been reading Exodus and wandering with the Israelites in the wilderness.

· I had a VERY GOOD worship time today; much weeping and DEEP repentance, with a GROWING awareness in my HEART that apart from Him I am nothing and can do nothing. This is good when this happens, because it doesn’t happen often enough. It was very cleansing and refreshing to my spirit.


I am getting a bit weary of the prayer walking. I am not as tired of praying as I am of walking, especially since I have exhausted all areas that could be considered a central location (and have even gone beyond). Of course, I will keep praying for God to provide The Refuge, and we will continue seeking. But I am not sure that I will continue the walking around downtown during the last 9 days of the fast. Besides, it is just physically very tiring.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it on another day or not, but my back has really bothered me a lot during this fast. I am not sure if it is incidental to the fast or directly related to it. It is not a deep pain. It constantly feels like your back does when you've been on your feet all day or like when you've been sitting a long time in an uncomfortable chair. Of all the web sites I have gone to about fasting, only one of them mentions (in passing) back pain being a symptom of fasting. Anyhow, it seems to be bothering me more tonight and I feel so tired I think I will go to bed after writing a few quotes (and it is only 9 PM).

QUOTES:

"Faith isn't required as long as you set your goal only as high as the most intelligent, most informed, and expert human efforts can reach. You don't exercise faith until you have committed more than it's possible to give."
Bob Pierce (founder of Samaritan's Purse)


"Faith, mighty faith, the promise sees,
And looks to God alone;
Laughs at impossibilities,
And cries, "It shall be done."
Charles Wesley

"If we truly love people, we will desire for them far more than it is within our power to give them, and this will lead us to prayer. Intercession is a way of loving others." Richard Foster, "Prayer"

"When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called me slow."
- Kathy Buckley

"Those are my principles, if you don't like them...... I have others." - Groucho Marx

DAY 32

I found Exodus 32 funny, sad, difficult, disconcerting, and interesting. Too many things to write down now (I'm tired and my back hurts). The two things I found amusing (and at the very same time sad) were when Moses came back down the mountain and yelled at Aaron for letting the people go crazy, and Aaron said (in verse 24), "...so they gave it (the gold) to me, and I threw it into the fire, AND OUT CAME THIS CALF!" The other thing was in verse 7 where God refered to Israelites (when speaking to Moses) as "YOUR people". I think it is the first time He does not refer to them as His people. He was so fed up. It's kind of sad, but it made me think how parents, when speaking to a spouse about one of their misbehaving children says, "YOUR child..." (At least that's what I've HEARD...not that it's ever happened to us).

And of course it is just terrible to actually think about all those Levites killing their friends and relatives and children. It got me thinking quite a bit about how we in the western modern church have really sanitized, and westernized, and disguised the God of the Bible in MANY ways. But I really don't have time to get into that now.

It was another special time of worship today...again a lot of weeping and sensing God's presence and sensing Him touching me in my spirit. I did something today I have NEVER done and I really enjoyed it. I turned out all the lights and shut the window and door shutters, and I lit lots of candles while I worshipped the Lord. It was great!

I am quite amazed at how good I feel (other than my back). I weighed myself again today. I have lost a total of 14 kilos (30.8 pounds). I feel fine but I am rather skinny. I feel my butt-bone whenever I sit down (even on cushions, but especially on hard seats).

I did not do the prayer walk today. It rained most of the day anyway. I did pray for The Refuge. Among other things: "Lord, give us a GOD-sized building, for a GOD-sized ministry, with GOD-sized provision." I also spent an hour praying for the people on my Top 10 List. Just to remind you who they are:

1. Mark Powell (my brother-in-law with cancer)
2. Neil McFarland (my friend with cancer)
3. Jemima (my friend who needs healing and deliverance)
4. The daughter and family of a local volunteer (healing and salvation)
5. TWO of my cousins, Jim and Lew (salvation)
6. My friend Steve Fancher--and his sister Melissa (salvation)
7. TWO relatives (the axe laid to root issues, deliverance, deeper intimacy with God, greater dependence on Him, and a spirit of perseverance)
8. Our team here (corporately and individually)
9. People raising support to join our team
10. Iraq

As you can see, if you count, that is more than 10 people but it is 10 categories.

Speaking of Iraq, I received a VERY IMPORTANT e-mail today from an Iraqi co-worker with International Teams Canada. I will paste it here (with her permission). PLEASE READ IT AND PRAY FOR HER, HER RELATIVES, AND THE COUNTRY OF IRAQ...

February 1, 2005

Dear Friends - brothers and sisters in Christ,

How do I begin to share with you my heart over all that has been happening
in my country of Iraq? Yet, I know that many of you share this same heart.
Sunday was a bittersweet day for us. We followed closely the elections in
Iraq and were so moved by the courage of the Iraqis who boldly went out in
great numbers to vote. They knew the very real danger to them but despite
the constant threats their desire to see a free and democratic Iraq was
their dream. My father's cousin and his eldest son were two of the
thousands upon thousands who left to vote on Sunday morning. However,
these two were never to return home that day. As they were walking out of
the polling station, having cast their vote hoping toward a new Iraq for
their yet unborn grandson and son and future generations of Iraqis, a
suicide bomber threw him on them. They had courageously done their part,
they had contributed to a new and free Iraq but they would not see it.

Muaayyed and Firas leave behind them three woman, Alia, wife and mother of
the men, Fanar, daughter and sister and Firas' wife who is pregnant with
their son. They had been married for only six months.

While I would ask for continued prayer for my country as the election
process and the sorting and counting continues, I would also ask
specifically for prayer for these three ladies as they grieve, try and make
sense out of their loss and as they face the future without father, husband
and brother.

I pray that they would find Christ able to meet their deepest loneliness
and grief that they would find him to be a 'father to the fatherless and a
defense to the widow'. May they also find him the Good Shepherd who does
truly 'gently guide those who have young'?

We are so thankful that we can bring this to you as partners in Christ and
before our great High Priest who intercedes for us.

Thank you for standing beside us through this.

Because of Calvary,

Insaf

_____________________________
Insaf Safou
Refugee Ministries
International Teams, Canada
2600 Finch Ave. West, Apt 207
M9M 2G4, ON - Canada

Ph: 416-740-4541
Email: insaf.safou@iteams.org
Web:www.itrefugeeministry.org
---------------------------------------

QUOTES:

"Nothing under His control can ever be out of His control." --Charles Swindoll

"The center of God's will is our only safety." Betsie ten Boom (1885-1944)

DAY 33

Not much to report today. I woke up at 3 AM to go to the bathroom, and because it was raining hard I had to go downstairs to check for flooding (we've had problems when it rains hard). It was fine but when I got back in bed I could NOT sleep at all. I finally decided to get out of bed at 4:30 and spend a couple hours in prayer and worship. Yesterday, I had that wonderful candlelight atmoshpere. Today, I watched the rain mixed with snow, and then just snow for a while, pour down in the light of the streetlamp. It was mesmerizing.

After that I read my Bible until about 7:30 am. I really love Exodus 33. I love the intimacy I see between God and Moses. I love the way that expresses how precious Moses is to Him by really listening to him and even (it APPEARS) being influenced by him. A lot of people like to explain away those conversations by saying that God was just testing Moses. If God knows everything, they say, then He knows what He is going to do and not do. To "change His mind" is to indicate some sort of ignorance or lack of knowledge, which would mean that is not truly omniscient. Maybe so, but that seems to me like they are really reading into the text, instead of reading out of it. It appears to me that perhaps just like God sometimes "limits" His omnipotence by His love, maybe He limits His omniscience for love as well. Just because God has the power to know everything doesn't mean He can't choose not to know, and submit that power temporarily to things that are more important to Him, like a love relationship with someone He cares about and wants to make Himself "vulnerable" to as an expression of that love. I have NEVER read anything about this topic (other than the opposing point of view I just mentioned so I am not sure how heretical I am being. And, frankly, I don't really care. It wouldn't be the first time I was thought of as a heretic.

I feel pretty good today. Considering what little sleep I got last night, I feel wonderful. It's 9 PM and I am not even falling asleep yet. In fact, I just did some pull-ups.

One more week to go! If you're praying for me, pray I finish well and that I hear from God. Thanks.

QUOTES/LAUGHS:

What a pity human beings can't exchange problems! "Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow's." --UNKNOWN
------------------
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

-----------------
After a particularly inspiring worship service, a church member greeted the pastor. "Reverend, that was a wonderful sermon. You should have it published."

The pastor replied, "Actually, I'm planning to have all my sermons published posthumously."

"Great!" enthused the church member. "The sooner the better!"


DAY 34

Regarding the issue of the 10 commandments that I raised several days ago, I got a partial answer today. One answer and one remaining question. In Deuteronomy 4, Moses is reviewing for the people what God had said to him. It is THERE in Deut. 4 that the 10 Commandments are clearly spelled out (the ones we were taught to memorize as kids and some people are fighting about being—or not being—hung in U.S. courtrooms). However, the question that remains for me is: what is the explanation for the apparent discrepancy between these 10 commandments that were on the ORIGINAL tablets—the stone tablets that God Himself “made” and the commandments He wrote with His finger—and the ones that Moses compiled after breaking the first set? I don’t know, and I don’t know if it is really important to know.

As of today, I have lost 15 kilos (33 pounds).

Most of today was WASTED! I got up at 5 to go to the bathroom and laid awake in bed till 6 when I got up and spent time in the Word, and a little reading of other books.

This morning Vicki and took Cody to his classes and then went to buy a new VCR since our old one died. After we got home, I spent hours trying to get it to work and was unsuccessful, so we may end up taking it back tomorrow.

This evening I took Cody, Kyle, and a friend of theirs up on the mountain behind our house to have snowball fights. I lasted about 30 minutes before I had to call it quits. I was tired out but I also had a bad ear-ache. (I'm fine now but my back is bothering me and I am tired out.

After I got home I took a "prayer bath", and here I am!

I'm starting to look at my "post-fast winding down" diet. From what I am reading, it may take longer than I originally anticipate. I hope not. I was expecting 3 days of light eating (soup, yogurt, fruits and vegetables) before moving on to something more substantial, but at least a week is what a lot of recommendations are. We'll see. I am going to paste some of the info I have read here. I'm not planning to strictly follow these guidelines, but something close to it. If you are not interested, you can skip to the end (the QUOTES).

ENDING THE FAST (from www.freedomyou.com)

Eating small amounts of raw fruits and vegetables for the first five or six days will allow the body to gently wake up the digestive system. The body will continue to detoxify and cleanse during this period. Any toxins that have accumulated will begin to move due to the sweeping action of the soft fibers of fruits and vegetables.

1. For six days gradually increase the amount of raw fruits and vegetables in your diet. To break a fast and gorge on meat, bread or junk food will be disaster. Jarring the system this intensely when the digestive system is in a sensitive state can cause stomach cramps, nausea and weakness, negating much of the benefits of the fast.

2. Eat slowly and chew your food well. Saliva has enzymes that assist in digestion. Up to 80 percent of the starch, 30 percent of the protein and 10 percent of the fat can be digested by the enzymes in saliva.

3. Do not overeat! Discover the amount of food that your body needs to live a vibrant, healthy life.

4. Make juices during the breaking period. Juices are gentle nourishment to the body. Most continue to include juice in their daily routine, for the rest of their lives.

5. Continue in the same prayerfulness you had during the fast. God should be just as much a part of your eating as He was part of your fasting.

6. Educate yourself on how to begin a lifestyle of healthy eating. Fasting is a wonderful new beginning, a foundation for a lifelong, healthy diet.

7. Discern the difference between cravings and hunger. Never feed your emotions.

8. When breaking a fast over ten days, the break-in period should be extended one day for every 4 days of fasting.

An interesting phenomena occurs after a fast. The years of conditioning your body to tolerate unhealthy foods is reversed. The body is as clean as a new-born baby. Try feeding a new-born baby Grandma's apple pie.

When the body is full of toxins, its defense systems are not able to operate effectively. After a fast the natural defenses are able to perform the way God intended. Sensitivity to unhealthy food is increased. You will feel satisfied with smaller amounts of food and sluggish and tired when overeating. Rich foods, full of fat, salt, and processed sugars will cause nausea, headaches and weakness. A handful of fruit will be thoroughly satisfying. Because the digestive system has to work less, there will be boundless energy to spare.

BREAKING THE FAST (from a web site by the late Bill Bright)

Dr. Paul Bragg and his daughter Patricia have conducted fasting clinics for many years. Their book, The Miracle of Fasting, gives a specific daily food plan for breaking a 7-day fast that could be adapted and stretched out over several more days for a 40-day fast.

Breaking a Seven-Day Fast

5 o'clock as you end your 7th day of the fast

Peal four or five medium-sized tomatoes - cut them up, bring them to a boil and then turn off the heat. When they are cool enough to eat, have as many as you desire.

Morning of the 8th day
Salad of grated carrots and grated cabbage, with half an orange squeezed over it.

Bowl of steamed greens and pealed tomatoes (spinach, Swiss chard, or mustard greens). Bring the greens to a boil, then turn off the heat.
You may eat two slices of 100 percent whole-wheat bread, which has been toasted until it is thoroughly dry-this is called "Melba toast." After it has been cooled, the toast should be so dry that it would powder if you squeezed it in the palm of your hand. As I have stated, this first food should be in the morning.

During the day, you may have all the distilled water you wish to drink.

For dinner, you may have a salad of grated carrots, chopped celery and cabbage, with orange juice for dressing. This will be followed by two cooked vegetables, one such as spinach, kale, shard, or mustard greens, and one such as string beans, carrots, steamed celery, okra, or squash. You may have two pieces of whole-grain "Melba toast." These meals are not to contain oils of any kind.

Morning of the 9th day

You may have a dish of any kind of fresh fruit, such as banana, pineapple, orange, sliced grapefruit, or sliced apples. You may sprinkle this with two tablespoonfuls of raw wheat germ, and sweeten it with honey, but not over one tablespoonful
At noon you may have a salad of grated carrots, cabbage, and celery, with one cooked vegetable and one slice of "Melba toast."
At dinner you may have a salad dish of lettuce, watercress, parsley, and tomatoes, and two cooked vegetables.

Most experts agree that breaking a fast with vegetables, either steamed or raw, is best. Your stomach is smaller now, so eat lightly. Stop before you feel full. Stay away from starches like pastas, potatoes, rice, or bread (except for "Melba toast") for at least a week. Also avoid meats, dairy products, and any fats or oils for a week or more. Introduce them very slowly and in small amounts.

Extended fasts are not the only fasts which need to be ended with caution. Even a 3-day fast requires reasonable precautions. It is wise to start with a little soup - something thin and nourishing such as vegetable broth made from onion, celery, potatoes, and carrots - and fresh fruits such as watermelon and cantaloupe.
In terms of resuming any sort of exercise routine, the advice is the same. Start out slowly, allowing time for your body to re-adjust to its usual regime.


QUOTES:

(On the definition of a “classic”): “Something everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.” --Mark Twain

“Only he who believes is obedient; only he who is obedient believes.”
--Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“What He has willed proves His love for me; my obedience to that will proves my love for Him.” –Warren Wiersbe

“Getting things done may be the immediate purpose of His will, but the ultimate purpose is His glory, and the glory of God is the highest purpose that can occupy the human heart and life…Maturing believers aren’t content merely to know what God wants them to do; they also want to know how to do it so that God will be glorified.”
--Warren Wiersbe

“How many times have you heard that Christianity is not a religion, it’s a relationship? The statement is very true. But many times we try to circumvent the relationship and do things the easy way. This is the case with finding the will of God. It’s so much easier to find a verse that justifies what we want to do, or say that we heard a voice telling us to do something, than it is to actually have a relationship with the Lord, know His Word and His character, and act accordingly.” --Bruce Wilkinson

“In every life
There’s a pause that is better than
Onward rush,
Better than hewing or mightiest doing;
‘Tis the standing still at Sovereign will.

There’s a hush that is better
Than ardent speech,
Better than sighing or wilderness crying;
‘Tis the being still at Sovereign will.

The pause and the hush sing
A double song
In unison low and for all time long.
O human soul, God’s working plan
Goes on, nor needs the aid of man!
Stand still, and see!
Be still, and know!”

--V. Raymond Edmond, “The Disciplines of Life” (quoted in Charles Swindoll’s book “Intimacy With the Almighty”

DAY 35

I got up early to go in for the JOMO training with the team (most of them). It was a good time but it is hard for me to be a part without speaking. Mostly I write questions and comments on the board to stimulate discussion. I really appreciated the honesty that was evident today. I learned some difficult (but good) things that hopefully will help me grow as a leader.

I spent time reading and praying today. Did some more pull-ups. I have been doing some the last few weeks. I am very very skinny, and don't want to completely lose what small muscles I had before I start my regular work-out again.

Steve Sirinides got our VCR hooked up correctly today, so we didn't have to take it back. Yea, Steve!

Yesterday, I finished the 5th in a series of audio messages by Dave Busby on Spritual Growth. They were GREAT and I was so sad when they were finished.
I listed to some good sermon tapes today--one by an evangelist named Bill Faye (it was an excellent training tape), and another by a pastor/trainer whose name I cannot remember now about spiritual fathers and mothers. I also listened to some rather lame sermon tapes today but I won't mention the names of the speakers (they are well-known in some circles). I spent a lot of time in the car tonight (over 3 1/2 hours) because I took Cody to a youth group thing that was 45 minutes away and it was only supposed to last 60-90 minutes, so I just waited in the car. But of course it was 2 1/2 hours long. But honestly, it was OK and I am totally committed to whatever personal sacrifice I have to make to encourage my kids to be involved in a youth group.

I received an e-mail attachment tonight from a very dear long-time friend name Don Golden who works for World Relief. He shared some thoughts and observations from his recent trip to the Tsunami-devestated island of Banda Aceh. I'm going to close with it pasted below, and none of the usual quotes following, as the sobriety I am sure it will bring will require nothing else to be said. However, I hope that it will fuel our prayers for the people in that part of the world.


A Hope in Hell
by Don Golden

Hell has a role to play in the lives of Christ’s followers. Scripture is not all sweetness and light. Though I know Jesus loves me, hell is found on his lips. Hell is usually referenced to warn or threaten, but I’m hoping to find something different there. It happened for Dante. Hell served a redemptive purpose for the Thirteenth Century Italian poet. Having strayed from the path direct, Virgil was sent to lead Dante back and his journey began in hell.

Some find it unhelpful, beyond the good and right we are instructed to think upon, to dwell too much on the darker things of life. My reactions to the tsunami- affected area of Indonesia, captured in brief below, are not intentionally gratuitous. I present them in an effort to share a burden I don’t want to carry alone. In so doing, if God were exceptionally gracious, it would please me if this experience helped others find hope in life’s sorrows.

Jesus went to hell and spent three days there. I went to Banda Aceh and visited the site where 100,000 people died in 20 minutes of hell. Dante’s first step toward redemption took him to the gate of hell where it was written, abandon hope, all ye who enter here….


Day One

Our plane circled the airport before landing in Banda Aceh, offering a first glimpse of the devastation. The shoreline of the island, circling the city, is pulverized, half of the city destroyed.

The flight itself was a prelude to the tragedy. I could read the anxiety and pain in the faces of some of the passengers. How many family members had they lost? Was this their first time back? What would they find?

After arriving it took no time to encounter the human face of the tragedy. The arrivals hall was lined with photos of the missing like a surreal museum, a gallery of sorrows ignored by the bustling aid workers and examined in painful detail by desperate locals. I looked at the photographs for a long time and watched people quietly wiping tears as they searched.

The drive to the city took us past camps for the displaced and NGO vehicles and banners, familiar disaster sights. Closer to the city cars began to appear, strewn about in crumpled heaps as if they had been through a washing machine full of nails. Next were massive collections of scrap metal, bed frames, refrigerators and tables... ruins that, until the day after Christmas, had made up the normal stuff of life for the people of Aceh.

The destruction was all-consuming and all-powerful. We drove through the wasteland and I imagined how many corpses must still lie mangled amidst the debris. Cars in houses, houses flattened and some parts of the island removed to the sea. I was utterly astounded to find a ship... not a boat... a ship nearly a football field in length, deposited in the middle of a residential area a full kilometer from the coast.

The only commentary I can muster is this: creation truly rages in rebellion, man is exposed to its wrath and hope is not for everyone.

Day two

The sights and smells of another today in the desolate city of Banda Aceh are beginning to settle in.

Debris fields of flattened homes, twisted metal and swampland stretching as far as I could see in either direction; total, seemingly apocalyptic destruction. As I soon learned, dead bodies lay indiscernibly all around, indistinguishable from the carnage.

The life of the city... what remains of it, has moved inland. Few are willing to return to a place which is, in effect, a mass grave. People have moved to higher ground, away from the sea, away from the stench of mud and death, far away from the swarming restless spirits of the unburied dead. There are no relief workers in these areas because there is no one to help. Crews with heavy equipment are there clearing debris. Body removal teams follow them, wearing protective clothing and respirators, to collect the corpses that surface. Some bodies are spotted and the decaying remains painstakingly disinterred. Others are missed, scooped up by the massive shovels, dumped into trucks and carried to landfills, only to surface again under the scrutiny of scavengers looking for lost treasures.

I saw two bodies lying on the roadside freshly exhumed from the wreckage. I saw two different trucks each with a half dozen corpses in brightly colored bags. I saw an open mass grave with upwards of 40 corpses dumped unceremoniously into the shallow pits. I walked close to the edge and forced myself to look at fellow human beings whose promise of life ended in such ignominy. Some of the bags were opened, either by scavenging dogs or, as someone claimed, desperate relatives looking for their loved ones. I saw their rotting flesh and naked bones and encountered the existential smell of death.

In many places, the land itself, its topography, has changed. Some sections hit by the tsunami have been permanently lowered beneath the level of the sea and are now threatened by high tides. Two earthquakes have rumbled through Banda Aceh in the past two days here. Our house swayed and jostled for nearly 10 seconds on each occasion. I was afraid and I felt the alarm of my colleagues and wondered if the Acehnese feared another tsunami. I'm sure these quakes, almost daily occurrences since December 26th, are one more reason why it will be a long time before Aceh returns to any kind of normal.

Day three

I refuse to retreat to my default Evangelical settings. I don’t want any answers right now. Words of any sort would surely fail to measure what I have seen. I prefer an irreverent honesty. There is a human tragedy here worthy of bewilderment. Even Christ wept. In two of the four Gospels the word "why" is the last word on the lips of Jesus before he died. If it is all true – our confession of faith – it will shine more brightly when it dawns over the darkness I have seen. I don't want to miss that miracle by trying to conjure it on my own. I saw Max Lucado on CNN following the tsunami. He was there to answer the why question. He had a very tidy answer. Not a proposition was out of place, but it left me cool. What’s wrong with ‘I don’t know’? Job’s friends should have kept quiet.

When we lift the rug on death... when we glimpse how real, how totalizing, how finally alienating it is in itself, it is not inappropriate to join creation’s primal scream, its anguished longing for the sons of God to be revealed. In my view the wordless groaning of Romans 8 is the first step of a disciple confronted by the tragedy of others.

Tens of thousands are dead and hundreds of thousands left behind with a world to rebuild. What answer can I give to sooth them? What could I possible say that would be clever enough, theological enough and right enough? But I can choose to join them, to enter their suffering in some small but authentic way. And I can do something to help them stand up when they are ready to face the task ahead.

Yes, I am deeply shaken by what I have seen. What would I be if I were not? It would be possible to allow this exposure, this close encounter with hell, to envelop me, to reveal the cracks in my own soul. Or, like Dante, I can choose another path. Virgil comes to me in many forms. There is family, music, humor, friendship, prayer and the voice of God in his word and in others to lead me back to the path of hope.

I present this experience to others because I don’t want to leave my dark forebodings suspended for too long. Like all of mankind, like all of creation and like the survivors of Banda Aceh, I’m reaching out for hope, the hope which is the life of the people of God.

All creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit with in us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We too wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us.
–Roman 8:18-23

DAY 36

I have to say that I finished an AMAZING book today that our good frined Sam and Fran Holdsambeck lent to us called "Conversations With The Voiceless". It is about John and Gail Wessells and their ministry of music and sharing with comatose patients. It challenged me, inspired me, convicted me, touched me, moved me, educated me...it is an AMAZING book. I highly recommend it. Zondervan is the publisher. It was published in 2004.

Today was a cold day with little snow flurries being tossed about most of the day, but nothing stuck. I thank God for a warm house, but even with the heat on most of the day, and wearing a warm sweater, I also had a quilt or afghan wrapped around me most of the day. I am looking forward to not being so cold all the time when I start eating again.

Nothing outstanding in my Bible reading today. Exodus 36 was mostly quite boring, though I loved reading about the people giving so much toward the construction of the tabernacle that Moses had to command them to stop giving! When was the last time that happened in a modern day church? I actually said after I read it, “Would to God that believers today would have that kind of generosity!”

Now I want to try something different on the blog today. I am going to attempt a “live, unedited” interview with Vicki (she doesn’t know it yet). Vicki, come here please...she's coming...Would you please answer each of these questions with the utmost honesty (even if it puts me in a “negative” light)? Pretend that you are on a live radio show…

Scott: What have been two or three of the most difficult things for YOU during Scott’s fast?

Vicki: “Playing charades” is kind of fun when you have time to sit around and guess what the other person is trying to say, but when you’re in the middle of something or about to run out the door, it gets frustrating. Seeing the “non-speaker” get frustrated because you can’t figure out his really OBVIOUS antics can get old….= ) Also, feeling kind of guilty when I’m cooking or eating something really yummy! Calling the internet service and trying to explain our situation with my really non-computer brain was rather interesting as well….. All that said, it hasn’t been nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. I know people have been praying. I guess that I should also say that worry over Scott’s health could have been a problem if I let it, but I didn’t go there. Overall, it’s been interesting, but not bad. I’ve missed “small talk”. We also didn’t cuddle and flirt overly much because I didn’t want Scott to be too tempted. I missed that!

Scott: Knowing that it is never a pleasant experience for anyone when Scott gets angry or frustrated, do you PREFER the quiet anger expressed through facial expressions, flailing arms, disgusted tsks, and exasperated sighs? Or do you PREFER the louder expressions of yelling?

Vicki: It’s a toss-up. While it is frustrating not to have the give and take of immediate and normal conversation, he probably didn’t express everything he was thinking that could have made me more upset! I think I held back, too, because it didn’t feel like a “fair fight”. But to be honest, it’s the facial expressions, disgusted tsks and exasperated sighs that bug me the most when Scott IS talking! He doesn’t fly off the handle and say hurtful things usually anyway, so it’s the little expressions of impatience that bother me- talking or no talking!

Scott: What have been two or three things that you have liked about this time of fasting?

Vicki: Having Scott around more. The flip side- I miss my alone time, which is rare anyway with home schooling two of the kids. I liked him picking up Will from the bus every day and taking the other boys to karate. I liked the smaller grocery bill! = ) I liked knowing that he was pursuing God with all of his heart. I think he usually does that anyway, but it was neat to know that he was in God’s presence so much of the day. I liked him not complaining about the warm house, because he was colder than me for 40 days!

Scott: What are one or two of the FIRST things you are looking forward to when the fast is finished?

Vicki: After he eases back into normal eating, I look forward to making him a very nice dinner, because I felt so bad eating and cooking in front of him all of these days. I look forward to physical intimacy. I look forward to daily, small chit-chat about anything and everything without having to wait for him to write it down. I look forward to “normalcy”- him making his own phone calls and going to work! = )

Scott: Anything else you would like to say about this 40 day period?

Vicki: As I said, it truly hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be, though I hope it won’t be repeated any time soon. I know that many people prayed for us and I’m really thankful for that! We have truly felt it. I love my husband and I’m thankful to have a man who thirsts after righteousness no matter what the cost!


QUOTES:

"The devil, things, and people being what they are, it is necessary for God to use the hammer, the file, and the furnace in His holy work of perparying a saint for true sainthood. It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.

"Without doubt we of this generation have become too soft to scale great spiritual heights. Salvation has come to mean deliverance from unpleasant things. Our hymns and sermons create for us a religion of consolation and pleasantness. We overlook the place of the thorns, the cross, and the blood. We ignore the function of the hammer and the file." --A.W. Tozer

"We shall be made truly wise if we be made content; content not only with what we can understand, but content with what we do not understand--the habit of mind which theologians call, and rightly, faith in God." --Charles Kingsley (1819-1875)

"True contentment is a real, even an active, virtue--not only affirmative but creative. It is the power of getting out of any situation all there is in it."
--G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936)

"To have what we want is riches; but to be able to without is power."
--George MacDonald (1824-1905)

"The contented man is never poor; the discontented never rich."
--George Eliot (1819-1880)

"The children of Israel did not find in the manna all the sweetness and strength they might have found in it; not because the manna did not contain them, but because they longed for other meat." --John of the Cross (1542-1591)

"Here lies the bottom and root of all contentment: When there is an evenness and proportion between our hearts and our circumstances."
--Jeremiah Burroughs, "The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment"

"Suffering is having what you don't want and wanting what you don't have. Subtract your wants and you'll have contentment. It's a way of equalizing your desires and circumstances...

"Gaining contentment does not mean losing sorrow or saying good-bye to discomfort. Contentment means sacrificing itchy cravings to gain a settled soul. You give up one thing for another. It's hard. Hard but sweet. You are "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing". You "have nothing, yet possess everything". I Timothy 6:6 says, "Godliness with contentment is great gain" (NIV) and the gain always comes through loss...

"If you only try to stave off discontentment, you will fail miserably. Unless you add the massive promise of superior happiness in God, you can subtract all the desires you please, and you'll still be restless...

"When it comes to contentment, GOD must be our aim."
--Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes, "When God Weeps"


DAY 37

I am sorry, I have NOTHING to blog today.

DAY 38

I find it ironic that I listened to a sermon tape today from 1998, and there was much discussion about the “playfulness” of the Holy Spirit, the “play” of spirituality, the healing power of “play”, the “playfulness” of God in Creation, God wanting to be a playmate, etc. I found it fascinating and very thought-provoking, especially the testimonies that were shared and the resulting intimacy with God that was established and long-standing walls that were torn down when people EXPERIENCED this holy “playfulness”.

That was all interesting from a “charismatic” perspective, but the ironic thing is that later in my reading from “Learning To Hear With the Heart” (written by an Anglican), the title was “Play and Pray”. Under the title was a quote from 13th century mystic Mechtild of Magdeburg which said (as a quote from God to her in one of their conversations), “I, God, am your playmate! I will lead the child in you in wonderful ways, for I have chosen you.”

The whole reading for the day was VERY interesting and thought-provoking (I LOVE to have my thinking provoked)! I will just include some of it here, but I think God is trying to tell me something…

Referring to the time God first spoke to Samuel, “…But think about it. God could easily have let Samuel know that it was God calling him the first time. It as a little as if God stood behind Samuel, off to the left side, and reached around to tap him on the right shoulder. Samuel looks right, of course, and finds nothing there. God had so much fun with this little joke that God tried it a couple more times…”

Now, I don’t know if her interpretation of the events is accurate or not (and neither does anyone else, as we have all heard different reasons given for this), but what she says next really leapt out at me…

“This practical joke of God’s was the prelude to God’s telling Samuel what was to come, what God was going to do next. PLAYFULNESS WAS THE PRELUDE TO DISCERNMENT FOR SAMUEL. Maybe it can be that way for us, too. I wonder if we’re not just a little more receptive to God’s desires and dreams when we’re feeling loose and relaxed, even when we’re laughing. I know I’m more creative when I’m in a playful mood, when I stop taking the world so seriously and just let my natural energy and enthusiasm have free reign. MAYBE WE NEED TO JUST LIGHTEN UP A LITTLE if we want to know God’s desires for us and the world around us.”

I really believe the Lord is trying to tell me something GENERALLY about me and my relationship with Him, but it also struck me that this is for me NOW (and for some others on our team) as we try to discern the Lord’s guidance concerning changing ministry structures here. In other words, let’s not try quite so hard to get everything tidy, institutionalized, orderly, ducks in a row, etc. Let’s relax, flow with the Spirit, have fun, let His playful creative “juices” flow, etc.!

WARNING: I am about to speak of bowel movement activity for the information of those thinking of a 40 day fast. If that is not you or you are easily offended by such topics, skip the next paragraph and go to the quotes for the day.

I think it has been about 2 or 3 weeks since I had a bowel movement of any kind. But today, I was sitting ALONE in the car, waiting for Will’s bus, THINKING that I had only a little gas to expel. Well…that’s how it STARTED. –grimace— I had NO WARNING! NONE! No percolating in the stomach first. No feeling of something of substance waiting at the exit. Nothing. Just decided to jump in and join the gas. Well, I went home and washed my underwear and jeans, and finished the job in its proper place. –smile-- But I had to go again later. What I understand (from what I have read) is that my body is beginning to finish off the little reserves that are left in it, and I should expect this kind of thing to happen several times for the next couple of days. So I have decided that I will allow no more gas to escape (for the next two days) unless I am safely “seated on the throne.”


QUOTES:

“Measure your growth in grace by your sensitiveness to sin.”
--Oswald Chambers (1874-1917)

“Growth is demanding and may seem dangerous, for there is loss as well as gain in growth.” --May Sarton

“The stronger and deeper the roots, the less visible they are.”
--Charles R. Swindoll

“The mature believer is a searching believer.” --John Powell

“There are no shortcuts to spiritual maturity; it takes TIME to be holy.”
Erwin W. Lutzer

“Spiritual maturity: the quiet confidence that God is in control.”
--Charles R. Swindoll

“Beware of saying, ‘I haven’t the time to read the Bible, or to pray’; say rather, ‘I haven’t disciplined myself to do these things.’” --Oswald Chambers (1874-1917)

“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” Horace (65-8 B.C.)

“Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free.” --Julie Andrews

“Dependence is critical, but there is no growth in the Christian life apart from discipline and self-control. “Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness” (I Timothy 4:7, NASB). Spirituality is not instantaneous or automatic; it is developed and refined.”
--Kenneth Boa

DAY 39

I only have time tonight for a short anecdote...When I was downtown "prayer walking" a couple weeks ago, I walked past Caritas (a Catholic social agency which feeds refugees and homeless 5 days a week). I didn't want to walk right in front because I was trying to avoid running into any refugee I knew and face the difficult challenge of NOT speaking to them and trying to explain why, so I was walking across the street and noticed a sign on their door. Of course it peaked my curiosity as I always want to be "in the know" concerning services to refugees in Athens. So I crossed the street to read the sign (which was a posting of the days and hours they serve food). At the moment the door opened and a young Iranian boy I know named Saeed stepped out, saw me, his face lit up and he greeted me. I kind of smiled and indicated with my practiced hand motions that I was unable to talk. "Why?" he asked. I just kind of waved my hands and walked off. Upon reflexion, I wish I had handled it differently but I didn't want to stand around and have several others come out and start trying to interact with me.

Last week, he was at the ARC with someone else. I guess they were looking at a photo of me, and Saeed said, "That's him! But he is much thinner now because he lost his voice and they won't let him come back here anymore, so he is depressed and just walking around, not eating and losing weight." Fortunately, one of my co-workers overheard and informed him of the real situation, which he was very relieved to hear. But we all thought it was very funny the way he interpreted the little information he had. --smile--

Team Fellowship was tonight and was fairly good. We served Nikos a "character growth sandwich" and then looked at I Cor. 13 and asked the Holy Spirit to show us how it applied to each of us on THIS TEAM. Then we re-wrote the chapter to personalize it to our own context on THIS TEAM and in THIS MINISTRY. Some people shared what they wrote afterward, and then we prayed. And of course, there was (as always)REALLY GOOD food. At least, it LOOKED and SMELLED good!

QUOTES:

"Today is not yesterday. WE ourselves change. How then can our works and thoughts, if they are to be the fittest, continue always the same? Change, indeed, is painful, yet ever needful, and if memory has its force and worth, so also has hope."
--Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)

"The Bible and Christian biography make a great deal of silence, but we today make of it exactly nothing. The average service in gospel circles these days is kept alive by noise. By making a lot of religious din we assure our flatering hearts that everything is well and , conversely, we suspect silence and regard it as a proof that the meeting is "dead". even the most devoutseem to think they must storm heaven with loud outcries and mighty bellowings or their prayers are of no avail...

"...At the risk of being written off as an extremist or a borderline fanatic, we offer it as our mature opinion that more spiritual progress can be made in one short moment of speechless silence in the awesome presence of God than in years of mere study. While our mental powers are in command there is always the veil of nature between us and the face of God. It is only when our vaunted wisdom has been met and defeated in a breathless encounter with Omniscience that we are permitted relly to know, when prostrate and wordless the soul receives divine knowledge like a flash oflight on a sensitized plate. The exposure may be brief, but the results are permanent." --A.W. Tozer

DAY 40

Well, it's the last day! I am going to stay up until after midnight and break the talking part of the fast by calling my sister to wish her a happy birthday and get an update on my brother-in-law. I won't eat anything until tomorrow and I will eat very little. From all I have read, coming off of an extended fast requires as much or MORE self-control than the actual fasting, and if care is not taken it can be very dangerous. I still haven't decided exactly what I will eat first but I think it will be a tomato. Also, our landlady and friend, Bessy Melas, is making me soup to have tomorrow!

When I got up this morning, I did some thinking about the last 40 days. To be honest, I was very grateful that God answered so many prayers that others were praying for me, and empowered me to do what He called me to do. I understood from the beginning of the fast that I may not SEE any answers to my specific prayers by the end of the fast. But to be honest, I was hoping for something more encouraging and "tangible" than what I experienced. That is not to say that there were no benefits or some kind of answers! There were, and I am compiling a list that I will post tomorrow or this weekend!

Anyhow, I mention that for two reasons: a) I want to be honest about it. From some of the things I read beforehand, others had the spiritual experience of a lifetime during their 40 day fast. I did not. Just being honest. b) The Lord encouraged me with His Word immediately afterward.

Especially meaningful to me were the words from Micah 7:7 (NASB), "But as for me, I will WATCH EXPECTANTLY for the Lord; I will WAIT for the Lord God of my salvation. MY GOD WILL HEAR ME." I also liked the way it is written in The Message, "But me, I'm NOT GIVING UP. I'm sticking around to see what God will do. I'm WAITING FOR GOD to make things right. I'M COUNTING ON GOD TO LISTEN TO ME."

I also want to mention several words that really spoke encouragement to me from my reading today in "Learning to Hear With the Heart" (by Debra Farrington)...

"Though God FEELS absent in...these times, God is NEVER absent from our lives, never uninterested ino ur journey. It FEELS that way sometimes, but the One who formed us in our mother's womb remains with us always, even if silently at times. So scream, argue, rest, recover, or do whatever else you need to do when God seems to be incommunicado. But do it with the certain knowledge that God hears you, and will respond, even if it feels like you'er talking to thin air for now."

And again...

"At the core, the question is What does your heart truly desire? What do you absolutely ache for in this life? Who does God call you to be? If you don't know, what's stopping you from listening? And if you do know what you desire--what God calls to to be or to do--with every ounce of your being, what's preventing you from going after it?"

And finally...

"I suspect that the things that my heart most desires, at least in this case, are the things God calls on me to be and do. They are the things that will make me of most service to others and probably the happiest I can be as well. So I continue to ponder my heart's desires and listen for their wisdom for my life. And I continue to look for ways to make them (happen)..."

I guess these words were so meaningful to me because they were identical to my own thoughts at the beginning of the fast, and to me they come at the end as a confirmation (ONE among others) that these are not ONLY my thoughts. I am encourged by that.

I am so grateful to the many brothers and sisters who have walked in some way with me these 40 days in prayer, in words of encouragement, in releasing me from regular ministry and carrying on without me, and Jim Boerckel deserves special recognition for the 40 letters (one each day) that he has written to me during this time. (If you have not read them yet, please do. The ones who have commented on them have been so blessed, as have I--with laughter and wisdom). Thanks, Jim!

QUOTES:

"The priests of the sanctuary, when they went in to sacrifice, were not permitted to wear "anything that causeth sweat." Human sweat can add nothing to the work of the Spirit, especially when it is nerve sweat. The hottest fire of God is cool when it touches the redeemed intellect. It makes the heart glow but leaves judgement completely calm...In the Church of God two opposite dangers are to be recognized and avoided; they are a cold heart and a hot head...Let love burn on with increasing fervor but bring every act to the test of quiet wisdom. Keep the fire in the furnace where it belongs. An overheated chimney will create more excitement than a well controlled furnace, but it is likely to burn the house down. Let the rule be: a hot furnace but a cool chimney."
--A.W. Tozer

“A real Christian is an odd number anyway. He feels supreme love One whom he has never seen, talks familiarly every day to Someone he cannot see, expects to go to heaven at the virtue of Another, empties himself in order to be full, admits he is wrong so he can be declared right, goes down in order to get up, is strongest when he is weakest, richest when he is poorest, and happiest when he feels worst. He dies so he can live, forsakes in order to have, gives away so he can keep, sees the invisible, hears the inaudible, and knows that which passeth knowledge. And all the while he may be confounding his critics by his unbelievable practicality: his farm may be the most productive, his business the best managed, and his mechanical skill the sharpest of anyone in his neighborhood.”
--A.W. Tozer

FIRST POST-FAST DAY

I broke my speaking fast after midnight last night to call my sister (whose birthday it was). Since it was 12:30 AM here everyone else was asleep so she was the first one I talked to in 40 days (with the exception of my slip-ups). My voice was scratchier and weaker than I expected. When I drove the car today, I was looking forward to bellowing out my praise to a worship CD. However, I couldn’t do it. My voice is too weak. I spent over 4 hours in a meeting today and exercised it pretty good but it was obviously weak and I needed to clear my throat many times.

Dana told me that Mark had his last radiation treatment on Wednesday and it made him pretty sick. He will have surgery in mid to late March and some more chemotherapy after that. She also mentioned how great it has been to see all their kids trust in the Lord and grow in their faith, and pray for their daddy during this time.

It’s a little strange being able to talk again. I keep thinking of what I need to say before I say it in order to be able to simply write it, and then I remember that I don’t have to write any more!

I didn’t break my food fast until this morning. The first thing I ate were a couple of tomato slices. I drank fruit juice three times today (so far) and ate some more tomato slices. By the end of this day I will have eaten the equivalent of one whole tomato and two very small (one ladle each) bowls of soup that our wonderful friend and landlady made for me. With all the soup she made, and the little bit at a time that I can eat, it is going to take weeks to finish!

I’m not sure when the experience of “marital bliss” will resume again, but that is really nobody else’s business. –smile—

I asked the kids tonight some of the questions I asked Vicki a few days ago, and this is what they said:

Q: What was the hardest thing for YOU while I was fasting?

Kyle: I could never understand your hand motions and “sign language”.

Kendra: Playing charades all the time and waiting for you to write things down.

Cody: When you couldn’t speak, you got more “physical”. It was tiring playing “guesstures” for 40 days.

Will: When you were talking it was old, but now that you’re talking it’s new.

Q: What was something you liked about the fasting period?

Kyle: I liked it that you took us to Karate. I also liked it that you never yelled at me.

Cody: I liked it that you took me to Karate and to school more often.

Kendra: It didn’t really affect me any.

Will: nothing

Q: What’s something you like about the fact that it’s over now?

Kyle: You’re skinny. (Kyle wants to call me “Former Fatty”)

Cody: It’s nice to have you talking again.

Kyle: It’s easier to communicate without waiting for you to write things down.

Will: I’m glad you can talk now. I love you from my heart.

SECOND POST-FAST DAY

Before I left the house at 7 AM today I had one yogurt, a piece of cheese and a glass of fresh fruit juice. When I got home about 10 or 10:30 AM, I had half an apple. Later for lunch I had a small bowl of soup and half an apple. I had a handful of snack mix at the ARC, and I had a glass of juice when I got home around 6 PM. Then I had a medium size bowl of soup and another yogurt. Later I had a few handfuls of popcorn and a glass of juice. Before I went to bed I had a piece of toast with a dab of margarine on it.

My voice is better today. I spoke at the Helping Hands meeting today about “new wine and new wineskins”. Still not at 100% yet but getting better.

THIRD POST-FAST DAY

This morning I had about ½ of a small honeydew melon and some juice. For lunch, a Greek salad without oil and vinegar and a few French fries, and some juice and water.

I preached at both services at St. Andrew’s church today. I was really emotional in the worship time and during the sermon at the first service. I was pretty much singing at top volume. My voice got tired more quickly than usual so it still isn’t 100% but I was really touched by the Lord during the service.

For supper I had a bowl and a half of soup (normal size bowl) and juice.

FOURTH POST-FAST DAY

This morning I had a small bowl of Clusters cereal and a third of a honeydew melon, and a glass of peach juice for breakfast. For lunch I had the last of the GREAT soup that Mrs. Melas made for me. My voice seems completely back to normal. Also, had my first sweet since the fast--a "blondie"/brownie that Vicki made for the kids (and I snuck an old cookie that was left in the can). They were GREAT!

I went downtown today and continued my habit of intercessory prayer while on public transportation and while walking, so that is a good habit started during the fast which I hope to continue.

Vicki and I went out for dinner at a new (for us) Italian restaurant nearby. We split a meal, and it was OH SO GOOD! We had bread and salad to start and then a chicken and linguini dinner! then we went to see a movie and I had a small popcorn and a little bit of a chocolate bar.

I feel good and back to normal!

FIFTH POST-FAST DAY

I am back to normal! Normal eating, normal bowel movements, normal energy, all is well!!




RESULTS/BENEFITS/ANSWERS FROM PERIOD OF FASTING

· I really do feel much healthier. For the past several months I have been constantly clearing my throat, and coughing several times a day. I don’t think I have coughed since the first few days of the fast and I am not clearing my throat all the time. In spite of how cold I have felt, I have been really healthy.

· I am not snoring anymore, which is a great benefit to my wife

· Although the direction was neither as clear nor as dramatic as I had hoped for, I do believe that I received some guidance from the Lord about the direction of this ministry

· I lost weight. Although I plan to gain some of it back. I plan to NOT gain all of it back.

· I was able to spend more focused time in prayer, listening, worship, and study. This can only be a benefit (if done with the right attitude), whether immediately “seen” or not. I hope it has led to a more sensitive heart.

· I was able to exercise self-control in ways that are NECESSARY for me if I am to have victory over the areas of my life that clamor for the position of false idols. While I know this is no guarantee of future falls, it certainly gave me good “exercise” for fighting those temptations. I at least have the opportunity to look back and say, “If God helped me overcome temptation in that extreme for 40 days, He can help now in this one moment.”

· Although I do not plan to do this kind of thing ever again (unless God clearly calls me to it), I do PLAN to fast more frequently as part of my spiritual disciplines.

· I hope, though I don’t know for sure yet, that I will be able to do better at “being quick to listen and slow to speak” and choosing my words more wisely with better timing.

· I believe the Lord spoke to me about having regular Bible studies with my children, and also praying WITH each one of them just before they go to bed at night. We did this with all the kids when they were younger but got out of the habit when they grew up.

· I believe that I am to start addressing my children by their name prefaced with the word “beloved” (i.e., beloved Kendra, beloved Cody, etc.) and to say their names in an affectionate manner. This is to help me say their names with love instead of irritation or frustration.

· I became convicted about spending more time with my kids in the Word so I have a plan for that (in the context of our family meetings)

· I’m trusting by faith that the spirit realm was impacted and I will continue to wait upon God for seeing the answers to all my prayers in the near (or not near) future

· My brother-in-law Mark is BETTER, but not completely healed yet. The tumor has shrunk and the cancer has not spread. He has gone through his chemo and radiation treatments, and in a few weeks he will have surgery. Let’s keep praying for him.

· The daughter of one of our volunteers here IS WELL now, but the whole family still needs to come to Jesus for their eternal and spiritual needs

· I haven’t seen the news since our TV/video fast started on Feb. 1st, so I don’t know what is happening in Iraq but will keep praying about that

· I lost weight, which I needed to do. And although I will gain most of it back, I do not plan to gain all of it back.

· I was able to read some really good material in several books

· I was able to quiet my soul, get some perspective, and be “removed” from ministry in order to receive from the Lord

· I have started a new habit of praying when traveling on the public transport which I hope to continue

· Kallie’s mother was completely healed (see day 19), which was quite miracle as she was truly at death’s door!

* The prayers I have been praying for Vicki have STARTED to be answered!

* I feel like there has been a real breakthrough for me in the area of sexual strongholds! I really want to hold on to this new freedom I am experiencing. I hope and pray that I will.